Boy, that just gets sadder and sadder.

They were offbeat, but in the good way. Wonder what got them so off the rails that way.

The Oregonian is reporting that a recent diagnosis of terminal cancer is involved.

Whatever the case, this is terribly sad. My thoughts go out to their family and friends.

The Oregonian had more—apparently Luray just found out on Thursday that she had stage 4 breast cancer, and only had a few months to live.

http://blog.oregonlive.com/breakingnews/2007/09/portland_police_family_of_thre.html

Fools.

Just heard on the radio (KPOJ) that there may have also been something to do with their mortgage, FWIW.

Keep Portland Weird! Right?

having a 7 year old daughter, it just breaks my heart to read this. truly devastating

Everyone, this family were friends of mine and I was there with them last weekend. I need you to know the truth and the facts. Luray was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer yesterday. Their daughter Ruby was 5 - not 7. Their mortgage had nothing to do with it - they had no debt. Their business was secure. They owned the hearse before any of this - it was their primary vehicle and it was just for fun, not a death wish or a message. Please be respectful of Luray, John and Ruby. It is devastating news for all who knew them, and their families. This news simply overtook them and made them make a decision that was horribly wrong. It is a tragedy.

Hi Meg,

Sorry for your loss and thanks for helping to set the record straight.

BTW, Jim has a seven-year-old daughter--that's what he was saying in the comment up above. Just to clear up that confusion.

Meg, I'm very sorry. Besides the terrible experience of losing three friends, you also have to read about them in the papers and on the Internet, where some facts might get distorted. I can't imagine how difficult that is for friends & family.

I bet many Mercury readers can look at this family and think: "Wow, they could have been friends of mine." Creative people who worked under the radar and contributed to Portland's independent spirit, yet who didn't have health insurance. Of course there are lots of "if onlys," but maybe if there had been affordable insurance for them, Luray's cancer might have been caught when it was still treatable.

Portland attracts lots of people like them, and the city has let it be known that it appreciates this "creative class." Obviously the national government isn't going to help with the insurance situation any time soon, but it'd be nice if the Portland government could devise a program to help local people like them -- working, creative people who fall through the health insurance cracks.

Such a sad story. Condolences to all who knew them.

John was my brother... one of the most gifted people I will ever know! Please listen to Meg, she hit's it home when she tells her story. I have to live the rest of my life without him. An incredible loss to our family. There was no debt. There was only Luray's cancer that had spread throughout her body far beyond hope. John, Ray, and hopefully, but unjustifiable Ruby had together made a "pact" as my brother Brad calls it to always be together if ever they were to face the feared worst case scenario. That being one of them dying... They had all decided to move on together at the same time. I'll never forget all the great, happy times we had growing up together. I'm going to try my very best to be at peace and forgive. I'm hopeful that as I look to the sky they are all 3 there, forever smiling down upon us all. This is the ultimate test for our family... Please never take anyone for granted, as now I know, you'll never have a second chance.

How can ANYONE think a 5 year old little girl can enter into a death pact and realize what she is doing, is WAY beyond me.Sadly, not only did they murder their own daughter, they murdered someones grand baby!

It's only okay to kill yourself if you are a terminally ill (physical or mental) adult. Killing your kid is unforgivable.

I was friends with John and Ray and my daughter was best friends with Ruby (they called each other their twin, John called them Thelma and Louis) I was with them in the evening on Thursday. I didn't expect this. I am so sad for them and will miss them terribly. Meg, Luray told me about you and the connection you and Ruby had. There was more that I will not say her. I am hoping to maybe give some comfort to their family and friends. Like I said I was with them Thursday until about 730 and I can tell you how it was then. I am truly sad. My daughter is having a hard time right now. She is worried about Ruby.

Good lord, what a fuck-up family! Way off the beam. Serious mental issues.

How could they have murdered their own child? The selfishness of it has me heartsick. Parents are supposed to be willing to die for their children, not the other way around. Ruby was a beautiful little girl who had the misfortune of having wackjobs for parents. I realize you should not speak ill of the dead, but their crime is heinous.

I can't understand the choice they made, although I am sure that it was made in love and with the best of intentions. I hope that they find peace on the other side, and that their families and friends can get through this terrible time.

They murdered their daughter. How, exactly, was that out of love and the best of intentions?

I am so tired of hearing how "weird" they were, about stupid typos in the articles,and all of the other stupid crap some of you people come up with....Reporters who want interviews because they "want to get into their heads" and know their thoughts at their last moments....Who the hell knows what their last thoughts were? Do you people not have anything better to do than judge someone else? I can't understand their actions either, but there must have been such a desperation that they felt to do this to themselves and their daughter. There are many other issues here besides the obvious. Can you people not show any respect for the family and friends who lost them? There are 2 other beautiful girls who lost their father, step-mother and half-sister to this tragedy and I hope to god that my daughter doesn't read any of this crap about them. She has enough to deal with besides this junk!!!

I was in 2 plays with Ray in Seattle in the early '90s & hadn't seen her for about 10 years. We read my friend George's script: Undefined Relationship,on Tuesday. Ray & I did this show together, while going through a turbulent & short-lived romance. Ironically, it featured a character's suicide. Before George called me yesterday, with this sad news, I'd passed a group of pink clad women on a breast cancer marathon walk. I never met John or Ruby & just recently heard some of their music. This is an unshakeable tragedy. What can one say? I hope you've found peace, wherever you are.

I was in 2 plays with Ray in Seattle in the early '90s & hadn't seen her for about 10 years. We read my friend George's script: Undefined Relationship,on Tuesday. Ray & I did this show together, while going through a turbulent & short-lived romance. Ironically, it featured a character's suicide. Before George called me yesterday, with this sad news, I'd passed a group of pink clad women on a breast cancer marathon walk. I never met John or Ruby & just recently heard some of their music. This is an unshakeable tragedy. What can one say? I hope you've found peace, wherever you are.

Not knowing what there is after we die, I have sometimes thought about how unbearable it would be to find that there is indeed an afterlife (one in which we are fully aware of our lives here on earth), yet unable, in the vastness, to again find those with whom we had been so exquisitely and deeply connected. To know and to search forever...and never to find them. If you ever believed that.....
Would you desparately do anything...try anything?

Please do not judge harshly this family. Better you not think of them at all if you cannot begin to understand the wrenching decision this must have been.
May they rest in peace together always--kris rose

Do not judge this family? You can't have a public bulletin board, then complain because you disagree with what other people say. They murdered that little girl. Period. What wrenching decision was that? I have a seven year old little girl that I revolve my life around. I have thought of Ruby all weekend. I prayed for her in church today. I am not judging them because they were musicians, were goth, owned a hearse, or were self-employed; but becuase they took Ruby's life. Every day in this country defendants are convicted of murder on less evidence than in that household.

We invented a drink called "the neighbor" one night... cognac and ginger ale. We lived two doors down. We were there, or they were here 4 or 5 nights a week... usually till way too late and occassionally in our pajamas. We laughed alot. Ray used to joke that she was going to tunnel between our houses to make the trip faster. We used to find vintage clothes for them to sell and leave them with a love note on their doorstep. We ate homemade soup. Everytime we found one, we would get "e" a Chevron Techron car to add to her collection... she loved to line them up on the floor. Our girls would watch her while we big kids played music. We had birthday parties together and went Goodwilling together and told eachother story upon story. John and I used to go to the deli on Woodstock and each buy a bottle of wine... something we hadn't had before... take it home to our wives and sit and talk. We played hide and go seek one night with Ruby... all of us hiding in bushes in their backyard... she never found us. Nights when we were there at her bedtime we would all gather in her room and do the "pooh-bah" dance and then kiss her goodnight... we'd then slip out and talk about music or politics or why Totino's pizza is the perfect late night snack. We traded paintings and clothes and ideas... when John quit smoking I inherited his pipe collection.
The lump on her breast was ominous. You could see how scared she was by how hard she tried to hide that she was terrified. The helplessness in Johns eyes... that desperate "please someone tell me this can't be so..." was one of the most heartbreaking and lovely things I have ever seen. Strength and fear and hopelessness and love and anger and a thousand other things reflected and personified in a look. When they said they wanted a hearse we found one for them and arranged the sale. They named it "Ben" after the previous owner. We helped them move to the Glisan house. We loved them dearly. You see, although we do not agree with what they did, it does not change the fact that we loved them. Or that we love them still. They were our neighbors and the dearest of friends and the void that is left in our lives is vast. Our condolences to their families and friends who, like us, will love them forever.

Kelly - please email me. I would like to talk to you. Is your daughter Maggie? I have a flag that Ruby made for Maggie, and one that she made for herself. I took them so that I could try to find Maggie, and be sure that she got it. She may have a hundred mementos of Ruby, but I didn't know...so I wanted to give it to her if it would mean something to her.

Dawn, I hope that you will read this. I have been thinking about John's other daughters and families. My heart breaks for you. Please know that there are many who are grieving for your loss, too. People need to make sense out of this and anger, disgust, sadness are all emotions that are swirling around. I am thinking about you.

Chris, I remember you! Remember when your group used to rehearse in the house Luray and I lived in in Lake City? Long time ago... hope you are well.

Thanks to all who are trying to believe that there was goodness in these scared, sad, hopeful, other-worldly people...I cannot romanticize what they did. It was wrong - we do not own our children, and we do not have the right to make the choice of whether they live or die. But damning them will not bring them, or Ruby, back. Forgiveness is the greatest gift we can give to anyone. If there is a god, I pray for all of their souls.

Kelly: sorry, left off my email address. everyone else, please do not email me unless you know me through Luray/John/Ruby... taking my chances publishing my email address here... steeletribe@hotmail.com

For the families and close friends of these dear people, the dougy center, www.dougy.org is a non-profit resource that especially works with children to help them grieve in a safe environment and at their own pace. I have worked with them in the past in california. There are a couple of locations here in portland and i think they have centers all over the country. Unresolved grief can tear people and families apart and last a lifetime..especially when loved ones have died as a result of suicide. When and if you should be ready, the dougy center is always open.
Please take care--kris rose

My heart is breaking after finding out what happened to my dear friend and her beautiful daughter Ruby and her wonderful husband John.
Luray just emailed me early last week and told me the news of her illness. She was so worried about the effect it was having on John and Ruby.
I told her that I would be here for her anytime to talk and that my husband would be happy to talk to John. We have been dealing with my own illnesses now and it is very tough on the family.
I never expected that it would come to the decision that they made.
I will hold her last email dearly to my heart forever. I don't think that anyone who didn't know these great, fun wonderful people could ever say anything awful about them. Yes they all made the decision together. Ruby was very wise and mature for her 5 years, and I know that John and Luray loved that girl like nothing else except of course eachother. So please please to the people who keep saying "murder" that is not the correct word.
Yes she was young, but knowing Luray and John and how they where so open and honest with one another I can't believe that deep in their hearts they would do this without all 3 agreeing.
No one who has ever loved as deeply and had to deal with losing someone that you love so much can answer these questions we are all having.
I know that being faced with knowing that you are going to die and leave your child behind is a horribly scarey and confusing emotion.

All I can say is that I will miss my friends and their beautiful music will play in my heart forever. I hope they are all together illness free forever.
Goodbye my sweet friends. I will read our old emails and remember to laugh instead of cry.

Your loved forever in our hearts.
R. Kinne

To state or imply that a FIVE year old had the capacity or maturity to agree to suicide is INSANE.

One can have an ABUNDANCE of compassion for the grief and fear that the parents went through dealing with the terminal diagnosis and STILL accept that what they did, no matter how impaired their minds or hearts were, was murder. That's not judging them harshly.

Judging them harshly would be to imply or state that they're burning in hell or other such nonsense. Recognizing what they did is not judging them.

And it's obvious that stating this obvious fact (the murder) is necessary because (some) people are romanticizing that action, and even going further -- making OUTRAGEOUS statements about a FIVE year old being able to agree to killing herself.

Good god. Of course kids don't want to be without their parents. But the coersion that was in place, when a parent (an all-powerful figure) starts to talk about killing his/her child with that child -- that's a monstrous perversion of a child's trust.

Ruby was a perfectly healthy child who could have gone on, lived a full live, perhaps given birth to a son or daughter named in honor of her parents. She was NOT capable or competent of making or contributing to the decision to end her life, regardless of how "mature for her age" she was. FIVE YEAR OLDS DO NOT HAVE THAT COMPETENCY. Stating that they do is incorrect, dangerous, and disturbed.

To repeat: One can still have compassion and love for the parents while recognizing that what they did was heinous and murder. It's not an either/or situation.

If either parent had survived, he/she would have been charged with murder. These are facts, not judgements.

Judge not, that ye be not judged

To R. Steare post. and anyone else,

I correct myself by saying Ruby was mature enough to ok this action.
That's not what I meant.
Sorry for being human. I had just found out that a dear friend and her beautiful daughter and husband had died at their own hand.

I am still having a very hard time believing that Luray really was in agreement with this so-called pact.
The more I think about it and the last email I had with her I really find it hard to believe.
I know that in a time of desperation some decisions are made in haste and not well thought out. We will never ever really know the truth behind this horrible lose.
All we can do know is send blessings to the remaining children of Johns and to the families and friends involved.
This type of lose hits everyone involved very hard.

So let's try to be sympathetic and not judge the Kuca's for making this decision because we just don't know the real reasons behind it.
R.Kinne

To Robyn Kinne (and others who may feel similar things expressed in the post directly above).

I think I understand what you're trying to say a little better now, and we are actually in agreement on many things (it may surprise you).

I'm so sorry for the dark shadow that is over your mind, wondering if and how much your friend was in agreement with various decisions that culminated in these events. I have some experience with suicide and its aftereffects, and I can understand if you are feeling so many things, some of may be in conflict.

If you will permit me to do so, I would like to sincerely suggest that you and others close to this seek at least short term counseling from practitioners who have experience in dealing with these issues. Some family members of mine have to this day never talked to this type of professional, and even though the suicide is now over 15 years old, it still reverberates through the family with unresolved issues. I present this suggestion for counseling most sincerely, and with much empathy. I wish you and all who knew the family and are affected by this trauma all the best.

R. Steare,
Thank you so much for your caring words. I too unfortunately have had many experiences with suicide with family members and friends.
It never gets any easier. I think the hardest part with this one is the not knowing if it was in fact a group agreement.
I think your advice is worthly. I hope the Mothers of John other two girls defiantly do something like that. Also any family members and the ones with children who just can't understand this tragedy.
I hope this blogging bashing goes away and the bloggers that just need to share there pain and love for the Kuca's do so. The mean unnecessary bloggers can just keep their opinions to themselves or start their own post page and name it "bitching for people without any empathy"
We can't judge something we know nothing about.
Bright Blessings to you and to all of the friends and family that this has effected.
R. Kinne

I'm glad to see some compassionate people are posting on this forum.

I would like to pay tribute to the good times John and I shared in Seattle in the 1990s, when we played together in a band called Mabry Hood. Although we had grown apart over the years, those earlier memories have flooded my mind recently. And now, of course, I wish I had reached out to him more.

I hope that people can continue to post constructive comments here, remembering that John left behind two daughters who don't need to read disdainful remarks. Leave your judgements between you and your god(s).

Besides breaking my heart, this tragedy makes me wonder a number of things. For example, why do we put up with a health-care system that is becoming increasingly unaffordable and, even worse in many cases, unavailable? When will people demand that politicians do what is right rather than what helps large corporations and campaign contributors?

Also, how can we make people who are suicidal aware of the help that is available to them and ensure that they will be willing to use it?

John

My heart goes out to the families of John, Luray and Ruby Kuca. I have read things on the internet that are very upsetting. John left behind 2 teenage daughters that are reading all this dreadful stuff that is being written about the father they love. So, Please remember these young daughters and keep your harsh words to yourself.

After reading Dave's post I came to realize that there are a lot of good memories of John. I went to school with all 3 of the Kuca boys. I dated Brad Kuca from our senior year in highschool till late 1990. During the years of our dating the Kuca boys had a band. Awsome band. Brad and Dave looked up to John. I even looked up to John. John was one of a kind. He would give you the shirt off of his back. Anyway, they would practice above the Antique Shop in Harriman. We had some great times. One thing about John that I remember was he liked to cut up with people. He would open his eyes really wide and just stare at you until you laughed, then he would laugh. He was so funny.

John was a wonderful person. He was always having his brothers over to his house to play music, play cards, or to celebrate the New Year. We had some really great times. Those times are priceless.

We never know what tomorrow holds for us. Live life to the fullest. Tell the people you love that you LOVE them. Call someone you haven't talked to in quiet a while, it may be the call they were needing to brighten their day. Hug someone. Not only will they feel better, but you will feel better as well.

How exactly do you sanitize what John did for his surviving daughters?
How could anything they read online be any more horrible than what he did-murder his own child-
Whatever your fond memories of John-and whatever positive impact he had in life is diminished by the cowardly choice he made-
Judgment is necessary-
not damnation-just the basics of right and wrong
It is more than appropriate for John's surviving daughters to clearly understand that what John did was wrong-
no rationalizations-no whitewashing-
compassion has nothing to do with it-
it was just plain wrong

to anonymous...right on sister. No matter what positive, beautiful, creative, artistic lives that john and luray led-their daughter doesn't get a chance to have a life. This should be a lesson for all of us and john's remaining family. Children do not belong to us. They belong to god- if there is one. And they belong to themselves. We are to protect and guide them-not kill them-not ever-no matter what circumstances we face as adults that make us want to stop living.

I didn't know this family "personally" but I work at Goodwill and saw them all the time. I would always compliment Luray's wonderful sense of style, they were such nice beatiful people. Their daughter was such a doll! It saddened me very much to hear from a co-worker what had happened, and I wasn't too sure if it was them till I googled it and went to their myspace and saw their pics. My deepest condolenses to all of their family and close friends, I will always remember them fondly.
♥

anonymous and al,

I am not happy with your comment, but it does not matter about happiness anymore in this world we live in. This world is always judged by the wrong doings in life. We are never recognize the good in people anymore. The news is always showing the bad side of people. I only wanted to leave a memory of John the way he was when he was younger and the good times we all had growing up.

Your comment on his daughters that they should know the truth and what their father did. Yes they should know the truth, but should they read it online from strangers that never, never knew him. NO!!! We as parents have to limit what our children read online, so why is it not the same as we should not post things that our children and others children read online.

What John and Luray did was horrible and yes murder. But, they are gone now and we can not bring them back.

Sorry if I offended anyone, I am not a mean person, I only wanted to let people know that there was a good side to John.

By the way, John's first daughter, the following Monday after the suicide, her mother was in a bad car wreck. The mother came home in a hospital bed with broke bones, ribs, and hip. John's daughter is going through a lot. Please pray for this child that she has the strength to take care of her mother and with the loss of her father, stepmom, and step sister.

don't flatter yourself-my post wasn't for you-it was for all the frighteningly delusional people who insist on defending a destructive person-and for the record-Ruby's life-and likely Ray's life as well- weren't "lost"-they were taken

for the record one-i knew john....so have some southern fried catnip and cool off. i think those of us who knew him as an adult see his paws all over this one.....once again i concur with anon and truly the last time I looked there was a first ammendment intact in the united states.....