• Philadelphia morning show anchors forced to apologize for giving away “Shoot ‘Em Up” bullet riddled jacket as promotion. Stop apologizing, and GIVE ME THAT FUCKING JACKET.

• Remember when obviously gay Idaho Senator Larry Craig said he was going to resign, then decided not to resign? Now he’s going to resign.

• Not to be outdone by the iPhone, Google has announced they are creating the “gPhone.” Stay tuned for the “hcPhone” from Hormel Chili.

• THE TROOPS WILL BE LEAVING IRAQ! (Ummm… sometime long after 2009.)

• Famed Italian tenor Luciano Pavarotti is dead at age 71. Here’s his signature song, “Nessun Dorma” performed in Paris in 1998. He KILLS it. Activate chills!