Ugh. A family of three was found dead in their NE Portland home late last night in an apparent murder/suicide. A hearse was parked outside the house, with a hose running from its exhaust into a sealed off room in the house, where two adults and a five-year-old were found. Police were tipped off by someone in Southern California, who’d received an email from the parents warning of the incident, but they arrived too late. It’s a tragic story all around, but seriously, using a hearse to kill yourself and your family with carbon monoxide fumes?

Gen. Patraeus believes that America’s position in Iraq is so fragile and tenuous that he won’t support any troop withdrawals until after January, and even then, the number of troops would only come down to January 2007 levels. A panel led by retired Marine Gen. James Jones, however, says fuck it, let’s get out ASAP.

Osama Bin-Laden plans to release a new video next week. Sources say he didn’t want to put another one out, but his label is totally pressuring him for another hit.

The whole world goes nuts for missing blond girls, because their lives are worth more than anyone else’s. The mother of Madeleine McCann, the British four-year-old who went missing in Portugal, is being declared a suspect.

At least some part of the universe is sane: A federal judge has thrown out a key component of the Patriot Act that allows the FBI to demand customer information from communications companies.