WHOA NELLY! President Clinton congratulates Wal-Mart for their protection of the environment?

KA-ZOING! In other Clintonian news, during yesterday’s debate, moderator Tim Russert flipped the script on Hillary Clinton when he read her an unattributed quote about using torture in certain circumstances. The quote turned out to be from her hubby. Ouch.

WHOOPS. Michelle Obama (wife of… you know) said that if her husband didn’t win in Iowa “it’s all over.” Currently he trails both Clinton and Edwards.

BOO-HOO-HOO! Poor Bill O’Reilly is crying that he’s being smeared as a racist for his obviously racist remarks about a Harlem restaurant.

GOOD IDEA! The newest method of drumming up celebrity business for your rehab center—invoke the Holy name of LINDSAY LOHAN.