Here is a transcription of a telephone message left on Mayor Tom Potter’s “opinion line” this Monday. A New-York based singer, Fay Goldberg, left it. Unfortunately we don’t have a recording, but I’m trying to imagine a melody that might work:

I’m a song writer. I would like to send a tape of about 40 of my songs to you free of charge. All I want is for them to be spread around. They’re all educational - they’re all different. This song that I’m going to record for you is about Hitler:

Part I:

Please, please don’t beat the children
Don’t beat the children
Please, Please
Please, please don’t beat the children
Don’t beat the children
Please
Unless you want a Hitler
Unless you want a Hitler
Unless you want a Hitler
Don’t beat the Children
Please.
Hitler was an abused child
Hitler was an abused child
Hitler was an abused child
That’s why he was a rat

Hitler also was homeless
Hitler also was homeless
Hitler also was homeless
Shelter the homeless now

Hitler also was blinded
Hitler also was blinded
Hitler also was blinded
Please help the blind folks
Please

Part II:

Hitler was kicked out of art school
Hitler was kicked out of art school
Hitler was kicked out of art school
Please help the students
Please

Hitler wanted a girlfriend
Hitler wanted a girlfriend
Hitler wanted a girlfriend
Please date the homely
Please
Please, please don’t beat the children
Don’t beat the children

Please date the homely! Indeed…”they’re all very educational,” says Fay. I just called her to ask her to send me a copy of the tape, and she was kind enough to sing me another of her compositions while we were on the phone. This is how it went:

I knew a guy who had Psoriasis
He had it all over his torso
He was first to get fired
And last to get hired
And he was disturbed even more so

Well the lord knew I had a cure
So he brought us together for sure
Well I told him to use Clobetasol
It is a temporary cure
Now he’s first to be hired
And last to be fired
Thank God for the mercy of the lord!

I can’t wait for the tape to arrive. I can’t. Seriously. That is one of the most amazing songs I’ve ever heard.