Live from the Interpol concert Blazers vs Sacramento Kings game, I am making Blogtown™ history by live blogging an event that is not related to City Hall, Interstate Ave or Scott Moore’s beard.

See? I’m live in the Rose Garden ready for the Blazers preseason game number four. Brandon Roy, bad heel and all, is set to start, his first action all year. He’ll be taking on the underachieving Kings, home of record label mogul Ron Artest.

First Quarter:
Speaking of "hot" and "action," the girlfriend of Paul Allen is gorgeous. Who knew being a billionaire would help with the ladies?

Kings coach Reggie Theus has a daughter who stars in BET reality show Baldwin Hills, which is like the African-American version of The Hills. According to that site, she says "I’m not the average promiscuous teenage girl. I’m very spiritually connected, and I have a lot of morals that prevent me from that type of activity." Well, Paul Allen wants no part of you then.

Blazers win the tip! UNSTOPPABLE!

Aldridge drains a turnaround jumper, something he'll be doing all season long. 2-0.

The Blazers just score and they play a snippet of "I Love LA." Weird.

After a series of sloppy turnovers, Aldridge boxes out three Kings to get the rebound and then the foul. Brad Miller fouled him, maybe he misses his cornrows.

5:54 - Sloppy turnover from a midair Roy who bounces the ball of Aldridge's hand. The Kings call timeout, while Coach Theus scans the crowd looking for the jerk who just blogged about his daughter not being promiscuous.

4:47 Brand Roy looks rusty, and a little outmatched. Plus Mike Bibby just fouled him in order to strip him off the ball, but the ref's whistle must not have been working. A shame! 12-9 Kings.

3:22 B.Roy gets an impressive "and one" and on the other side of the court Ron Artest comically watches the ball roll by him.

2:14 Timeout, a perfect time to ponder why the pre-game blimp giveaway was a copy of the new Scorpions record, Humanity - Hour 1.

0:48 Aldridge gets a well-deserved boomshackalacka with a mighty dunk off a Jarrett Jack steal.

End of the first quarter: 21-19 Blazers. Hey not bad for a sloppy start, and I'm not even bored from blogging during a sporting event.

Second Quarter
10:30 Kings miss their 3rd (4th?) layup. They make those, they'd be winning. 24-19 Blazers. Casey from the Willamette Week just high-fived Blaze the Trail Cat, the team mascot.

8:04 Missed layup number five for Sacramento, it leads to a quick Outlaw bucket. 29-23 Blazers.

6:24 Martel for three then an boneheaded offensive foul by the Kings' John Salmons, which leads to Sergrio Rodriguez making a ridiculous layup. 36-29 Blazers

5:16 Maloof spotting! The Kings owners are in the building, no doubt prepping for their Billionaire Battle against Paul Allen during halftime.

5:09 Someone hits Webster in the nuts during a loose ball scramble. What a trooper, he's staying in the game. I'd be out for the year playing Halo 2 right now at Greg Oden's house if I was him.

2:45 Great ball rotation by the red and black leads to a long two from Jack. You can blame Rodriguez for that one. 45-35 Blazers.

1:52 Isaac Brock spotting!

Halftime - 47-39 Blazers. Halftime show featuring 6th grade girls basketball. I wonder if I could bring a beer into press row?

Third Quarter

10:40 WIthout Kevin Martin, the Kings are not going to get their Chalupas. This team needs scoring help. Artest? Hello?

8:22 Poor Webster, first the nards and now he gets clawed in the face (or eyes) and had to flee the court for the locker room. 58-43 Blazers

6:40 Mike Bibby flies 4 rows into the crowd, then gets a technical foul. 62-45 Blazers

6:15 The Kings need scorers, and barring a run, they are cooked. And in equally as troubling news, Reggie Theus' slacks do not match his dress coat. Not to get all George Zimmer on him, but not cool, dude.

4:49 Ladies and gents, the art of Casey from the WW. To me, it looks like Beavis in a Blazers uniform. Oh, and Brad Miller gets a technical foul, probably upset that Casey didn't draw a picture of him. 67-49 Blazers.

2:23 Travis Outlaw does a fancy reversal dunk. The crowd seems to enjoy that more than a 19-foot jump shot. Go figure. 72-56 Blazers.

2:03 Injury report. It gets handed to me on a piece of paper, how rad is that? Webster just got six stitches above his right eye, yet is likely to return. It's pre-season dude, take the night off. Liars are playing right now over at Memorial, go and check them out. The team doesn't really need you right now.

End of the third quarter, 76-58 Blazers. Blaze the Trail Cat preps his "first dunk of the season." He makes it. Why not a sensible jumpshot? Two points is two points, buddy.

Fourth Quarter:

10:24 That might be the biggest alley-oop dunk I have ever seen in this arena, Jack to Webster, and it was capped by a delay of game warning for hanging on the rim. 81-60 Blazers.

8:45 Joel Przybilla gets posterized. Blazers timeout and the team dancers are dancing to a mashup of Jet and Lenny Kravitz, this is the worst moment of the evening. 83-65 Blazers.

7:03 Outlaw rejects a shot over Paul Allen's head. Well played, young man. 87-67 Blazers.

5:58 T-shirt air gun time. Scantily clad women fire clothing to people via slingshot and air gun. The terrorists are right, we are horrible people.

3:40 Oh, hello Chris Ellis. Fancy seeing you on the court.

1:31 The crowd chants for a chalupa, but no luck so far. 98-77 Blazers.

0:48 Smell the chalupa, for it is time! 101-77 Blazers

FINAL! Blazers 101-77 victory!

And with that, I am done.

Sergeant Brian Schmautz is funny occasionally. I just emailed asking for some information and got this response:

“Requests made to my office should be in the form of song lyrics or a poem. All requests not made in that form will not receive a response.”

We duly complied.

Throughout the Interstate/Chavez rename debate, there’s been one constant that has grated on me like, well, a grater.

No, it’s not the accusations of racism, nor the entrenched, uncompromising attitudes on both sides. It’s this phrase: “Quit trying to cram this down our throats.”

I’m not really clear how anyone could think/say those words in that order without actually picturing the process of it—of anything being crammed down their own throats.

So, starting this moment, I’m placing a moratorium on any phrase that pertains to anything being forced down anyone’s gullet—unless, of course, the speaker is talking about literally forcing something down someone’s gullet.

Yes! It’s your daily reminder to get your tickets NOW for PIZZAZZ!—Portland’s weirdest, wildest citywide talent show. It all goes down next Friday, October 26 at 8 pm (doors at 7pm) at the Wonder Ballroom, 128 NE Russell. They’ll be drink specials galore, and the whole shebang will only cost you $10! Skip the crowds and get your tickets immediately at the Wonder Ballroom boxoffice, or Ticketmaster.
What can you expect at PIZZAZZ? Ass-loads of talent. But remember! Pizzazz is also about that “certain something extra” that makes a performance truly memorable. Such as beauty pageant contestant Stacey Hedger’s completely amazing (and atonal) rendition of the Star Wars theme… on a trumpet… with dancing… and OH! That costume!

Just my two cents on Erik’s beard vote:MOORE: EYES…BAH! STOP FIXING ME WITH YOUR GAZE!

You know, I’ve been about this close to giving up on Heroes (NBC, Mondays, 8 pm)—especially because of all those icky flying sequences with Claire and her new BF! YECHHH!!!
However, that was before I remembered that Kristen Bell (Veronica Mars) is joining the cast this coming Monday! Here’s a sneaky-peek at one of her scenes, and unsurprisingly, SHE’S REALLY GOOD! (There’s also an uncomfortable Q&A session following the scene, so you can either duck out, or stare at her chest. Guess which one I chose.)

It’s my unfortunate duty to inform you that the Mercury’s beloved bearded newsman, Scott Moore, has shaved his beard. (He did not set out to do so. From his mutterings, I gathered that there was an unfortunate incident this a.m. with his beloved beard trimmer—a device that has served him well for many a year, only to turn on him this morning, unexpectedly and cruelly mangling his once-fine facial hair into an embarrassment that, according to Mr. Moore, could only be solved by its annihilation.) Once a mighty, prospector-worthy example of beardery, Mr. Moore’s chin is now bare.

Then:

Now:

WHAT DO YOU THINK, READERS? Should Mr. Moore keep his new look, or reforest his visage? THE BEARD’S FATE IS IN YOUR HANDS; as Mr. Moore himself said a few short moments ago:

It all depends on what the readers say. Unless they tell me to grow a frat rock goatee, I’ll do what they say.

Who else is kind of excited about the new Rambo movie, even though it’ll probably suck? Anyone? Anyone?

Anyway: The film’s poster just hit, and it’s pretty slick. The only thing that seems to be missing is a tagline. I suggest “RAMBO WILL MACHETE YOU.” Another one that might be good is “COPLAND? FUCK COPLAND.”

It’s that time of week to plan your boozy music outings…

FRIDAY
Ace Hotel–C Is for Choice Masquerade Bash: El Rubio, Soy DJ, 8 pm, $13-15, all ages
Ash Street Saloon–Kieskagato, thebrotheregg, Alan Singley & Pants Machine, Love That Dress, 9:50 pm, $5
Berbati’s Pan–Climber, Boy Eats Drum Machine, Jonah, 9 pm, $8
Branx–Knites of Neon: DJ Koolaid, DJ Patricia Furpurse, Fabulous, 10 pm, $3
Crystal Ballroom–Blackalicious, Lyrics Born, The Mighty Underdogs, Crown City Rockers, 8:30 pm, $22-25, all ages
Dante’s–USSA, Weedeater, Love’s Holiday, Black Elk, 9:30 pm, $12-13
Doug Fir–Tokyo Police Club, White Rabbits, Virgins, 9 pm, $10
First Unitarian Church–Monster Mosh: Miss Meghan, Chris Massey, 6:30 pm, $4-8
Grapedrink–Blood Stained Reality, Abject, The Altarboys, Red Dons, 9 pm, $5, all ages
Holocene–Matthew Dear’s Big Hands, Mobius Band, Dat’r, 9 pm, $8-10
The Know–The Ramjac, The Ax, Bodhi, 8 pm
Lippman Company–Red Mark of Madness, Eat Skull, The Ax, 8 pm, free
Memorial Coliseum–Interpol, Liars, 8 pm, $27.50, all ages
Mission Theater–Norfolk & Western, John Weinland, 9 pm, $10
Rererato–The Crypto-Zoetropical Pursuit: Instinct Control, Pulse Emitter, Universe, 7 pm, $4
Rotture–Juicy Queer Dance Party: DJ Beyonda, DJ Automaton, DJ Colin, 10 pm, $3
Satyricon–Fall of Snow, OH, His Name Shall Breathe, Ghost to Falco, Theart, 8 pm, $6, all ages
Slabtown–Sprinkles, Minoton, Mongoloid Village, Mzungu, 9 pm, $6
Someday Lounge–Two Ton Boa, Magick Daggers, Garland Ray Project, 9 pm

Don’t see what you’re lookin’ for? Check out Found It!

Saturday and Sunday events after the jump.

SATURDAY
Ace Hotel–Art Show & Bitch Magazine Benefit: The Sprockettes, DJ Anjali, The Incredible Kid, 7 pm, $15-45
Aladdin Theater–Live Wire!: Viva Voce, Loch Lomond, Ralph Huntley & The Mutton Chops, 8 pm, $12-15, all ages
Ankeny Alley–Backyard Bang Snowboard Contest: DJ Marc Frank Montoya, 11 am, free
Central Library–Keep Portland Weird Community Festival: Sneakin' Out, noon, free, all ages
Doug Fir–Akron/Family, The Dodos, The Shee Bee Gees, 9 pm, $12
Eagle's Lodge–Rummage Sale: DJ Alacran, 5 pm, $1
Grapedrink–Attack Ships On Fire, Another Fine Crisis, Unpopular Club, 9 pm, $5, all ages
Holocene–Gaycation: Jenna Riot, Mr. Charming, DJ Automaton, DJ Snowtiger, 9 pm, $3
Mission Theater–Miz Kitty's Parlour: Mike Danner, The New Iberians, Coney Island Cartel, 7 pm, $12
Rotture–Cacophony: Microscopic Suffering, blowupnihilist, Tecumseh, Concern, Budweiser Sprite, Shua, 8 pm, $6
Satyricon–The Jezebel Spirit, witheyesabstract, The Hedonist, The Melodic Arts, 8 pm, $10, all ages
Slabtown–Sinister Press Fest: The Secretions, Mortal Clay, Tarmints, The Little Medusas, 9 pm, $10
Someday Lounge–Golden: Copy, Atole, Arohan, DJ Linoleum, DJ Mike Williams, 10 pm, $5
Urban Grind–Half-Handed Cloud, Lake, The Beauty, Kelli Schaefer, Upsidedown Cat, 3 pm, free, all ages

SUNDAY
Ground Kontrol–Black Sunday: The Weaklings, Sioux City Pete & The Beggars, Minnow, DJ Nate C, 9:30 pm, $5
Holocene–Score Improv, Map-Map, Cereal, 9 pm, $6
Satyricon–The Fall of Troy, Protest the Hero, Schoolyard Heroes, Made in Ruins, 7:30 pm, $8, all ages
Slabtown–AAN, The Rainy States, 8 pm, $5
Someday Lounge–Speakeasy: Chris Mosley Group, Jesse & Jennifer Lavere, Andrew Oliver
Valentine's–Trevor Watts, Jamie Harris, Presents, DJ P Unity, DJASAJD, 9 pm

A bunch of Village Voice media people have been arrested for something they published. From today’s New York Times:

Two executives from Village Voice Media — a company that owns a number of alternative weeklies including The Village Voice, The LA Weekly and The Phoenix Times — were arrested Thursday night in Phoenix on charges that a story published earlier in the day in The Phoenix New Times revealed grand jury secrets.

There’s more at the NYT, but in case you were wondering, it’s a bad thing when people are arrested for publishing factual information. Regardless of whether they were “breaking” some “law…”

Scott’s out this morning being political, but this just came through, alleging someone against Measure 49 is sending unsolicited text messages:

I just received 2 text messages from 971-240-1702 with a no on 49 message. Is this legal? Where did they get my cell number? Is it fair that I have to pay for them to send me political advertising? Seems like it might make an interesting story. Below is the text as it showed up in 2 text messages (they were in all caps).

“Vote no on 49:1/2. Stop the government from taking private property rights! Measure 49 is a wolf in sheep’s clothing & will have a catastrophic effect on Oregon’s economy! Do you think the government should be able to take your property? reply “yes”, “no” or “stop”.”

And here’s what happens when you type “bad cellphone” into Google image search:
NASTY TEXT MESSAGES: They suck…

According to City Commissioner Erik Sten, he’s asked the Mayor to move the Interstate-Chávez vote from Halloween, to mid-November. “To his credit, he agreed,” says Sten. “It’s already going to be contentious enough, and to have parents who want to testify who have kids at home waiting in their costumes…”

It sounds like the vote will now be on November 14 or 15—I’m awaiting confirmation from the city clerk.

So that shift puts some breathing room between next Wednesday’s vote on Commissioners Randy Leonard and Sam Adams resolution calling for more process, and a vote to rename Interstate. Where does that put Sten?

“I’ve encouraged the mayor to join a process like Sam and Randy’s proposal. I do believe that makes sense. I’ll continue to push all sides and say we should continue to keep working for a 5-0 vote,” he says. “I made that pitch to the mayor yesterday, he’s thinking about it.”

“So the question is, if the mayor says no [to more process], am I willing to vote with Randy and Sam? As I sit here this morning, I think I would not join [them]. I don’t think it would work, unless the whole council goes into it together. The mayor has to say I want another process. Or, I don’t want another process but perhaps another one is necessary.”

In other words, it sounds like Erik isn’t interested in forcing more process by a slim city council majority—but he would like more process if there’s buy-in from his colleagues.

If you were going to head up to the Little Red Bike Cafe this Sunday to meet city commissioner candidate Amanda Fritz—and perhaps give her $5 to help her qualify for public financing—take a detour to St. Johns Booksellers instead, she says.

Here’s to wishing all the Portland Fashion Week models good luck, with no falling or ankle twisting, or shoe breaking. Just make sure to look before you leap.

Not really. Do you know what it’s going to take to make Portland a world class arts destination? MONEY.

But, in the interim, why not vote for our city in next month’s American Style magazine readers’ poll. There might be $500 in it for you, and winning will make a whole lot of difference. To their web stats.

Please watch this video!

Director Sean Wainsteim’s vision for Tokyo Police Club’s “Cheer It On,” features the band (at 1/87 scale) in a painstakingly small model town, beautifully designed just for the video.

While everything starts out nice and cozy, things soon go horribly wrong. The zoo explodes with wild animals, people do it in public, someone gets neatly dismembered, and soon it gets all Gulliver’s Travels at the end. Definitely one of the coolest music videos I’ve ever seen.

Tokyo Police Club performs at Doug Fir tonight!

You’ve got to be kidding me! Yesterday, the Topoff wrap-up screeched to a halt right before Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff’s arrival at the DoubleTree Hotel, when a bomb-sniffing dog went wild at one of the cars in the parking lot.

Portland gives birth control to middle schoolers! Oh yeah, that’s the other Portland, the one in Maine.

This morning Thai police arrested suspected Canadian pedophile after worldwide manhunt. How did they find this guy? He had posted about 200 incriminating photos on the Internet. Real smart.

Britney Spears has gone berserk! Again! This time, her lunacy was aimed at a mob of photographers. Allegedly, she ran over one guy’s foot and then sped off.

US border guards say they were just following protocol when they confiscated the hard drive of Chris Walla, guitarist of Death Cab for Cutie. But then again, could it have had anything to do with the anti-Bush songs on that hard drive?

Getting in just under the deadline for next week’s city council agenda, City Commissioners Randy Leonard and Sam Adams filed a resolution outlining additional process before the city renames a street for César E. Chávez—a resolution that will come up for a vote a full week before the Mayor’s resolution to rename Interstate for Chávez.

Following a full page of “WHEREAS” lines outlining the great things Chávez did—and one that says “WHEREAS, the memory and legacy of César E. Chávez should be adequately and prominently honored in the CIty of Portland by the naming of a major arterial street in his honor,” making the city’s intent clear—the resolution outlines the expanded process. Essentially, it’s a public version of what the César E. Chávez Boulevard Committee did earlier this year, when they narrowed down a potential list of streets to choose Interstate.

NOW, THEREFORE, BE IT RESOLVED, that the City of Portland shall name a major arterial street in honor of César E. Chávez; and

BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED, that by no later than December 5, 2007, the Portland City Council will authorize the membership of the César E. Chávez Street Naming Committee to lead the selection process; and

BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED, that by no later than January 31, 2008, the César E. Chávez Street Naming Committee shall establish a list of no fewer than 5 major arterial streets for consideration, and present the list for formal approval to the City Council; and

BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED, that the César E. Chávez Street Naming Committee shall utilize a process of elimination that occurs in stages throughout the public process, which includes public hearings in each affected region of the City prior to decision points; and

BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED, that the City of Portland shall employ its resources to make sure all public hearings and decision points are well-publicized through City media, news media, and other advertising media; and

BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED, that the selection process for identifying a street to be renamed for César E. Chávez shall be completed and brought forward for a City Council decision by no later than July 1, 2008.

Commissioners Leonard and Adams, as co-sponsors, are clearly two votes for this resolution. Commissioner Erik Sten is reportedly the swing vote. He left me a message this morning—following my call to inquire where he was at, given yesterday’s news that the mayor had scheduled a vote to rename Interstate for October 31—saying he wanted to check in with the mayor “and see what’s going on,” characterizing the issue as one with “a lot of moving parts.” I’m calling him back…

When Fall of the House opened last spring, I admit I was a bit skeptical about the possible entertainment to be derived from a serialized, unscripted show about “five young Portlanders attempting to form a community against a backdrop of ping-pong and videogames,” in which “relationships evolve, devolve, and cataclysmically combust.” (I mean, I could just go hang out with my ex-boyfriend if I wanted to watch that shit.) However, apparently it was a sharp, funny, affecting run, and I regret not catching it at that point. Action/Adventure Theatre launches Fall of the House’s fall run tonight at 10:30 pm; each week features a new one-hour installation in the series.

Miranda King from Action/Adventure said this in an e-mail:

Fall of the House is about a group of housemates and their extended circle of friends who live in Portland and struggle to balance their artistic lives, day jobs, and relationships- and I think it speaks truthfully to aspects of an identifiably Portland experience. It runs for four weeks, 3 shows a week, and each week is a different episode.

This season we are also adding to the local dimension of the project by using as much local music as possible. A lot of our friends (like a lot of everyone in Portland’s friends) are in bands, and we wanted to utilize the wealth of musical talent that we know.

Fall of the House, Thurs-Sat 10:30 pm, through Nov 10 (with a different episode each week); Theater! Theatre! 3430 SE Belmont, $10 for 1 episode, $24 for a 4-week pass, $2 off for every previous episode seen, Thursdays “Pay What You Will,” reservations at 503-358-8646 or email reservations@actionadventure.org

Press release after the jump

Portland's only improvised serial is back!
Last season, The Fall of the House introduced you to five young Portlanders attempting to form a community against a backdrop of ping-pong and videogames. Now, The Fall of the House returns with all your favorite characters and lots of new faces! Be a fly on the wall in the living room of a Portland house shared by friends and lovers and get caught in the tangled webs they weave. Relationships evolve, devolve, and cataclysmically combust. Add to that money trouble, career trouble, and general "what am I doing with my life" trouble and watch stories that are both complicated and familiar arise. "This isn't escapism, but magnifying mirror to nature – not to mention some of the most honest, exciting stage work all season," said Followspot of Season 1. The story unfolds over four weekends, with a new episode each week; but a one-time glimpse into this ongoing epic provides a show of its own.

The story is mapped out, but the actors work with no script. Improvised dialogue keeps the action fresh, immediate and unpredictable. Featuring a weekly recorded soundtrack full of local music highlights, including The Shaky Hands, Loch Lomond, and The Builders and the Butchers; plus an original theme song recorded by Henry Dark. In the spirit of the one-hour television drama, Fall of the House delivers a weekly fix of fun to the serious serial addict, or a heavy dose of something different to a curious one-time viewer. Tune in this Fall.

Cast includes Patrick Coleman, Nichole Cooper, Kevin Crooks, Steve Granmo, Amanda Jensen, Aubrey Jessen, Briana Pruett, Laura Faye Smith, Yolanda Suarez, Patrick Tango and Beth Thompson. Directed by Tamara Carroll, with assistant/guest director Miranda King.

Don’t forget folks! Tickets for Pizzazz (Portland’s funnest citywide talent show) are on sale NOW at the Wonder Ballroom and Ticketmaster! You won’t want to miss our city’s most eccentric and lovable talents going head to head for 1000 bucks! Here are the specifics!

PIZZAZZ! Friday, October 26, doors 7pm, show at 8 pm, Wonder Ballroom, 128 NE Russell General seating, 21 and over, Only $10

And what exactly is PIZZAZZ? Here’s your daily taste of the stuff, an amazing act from a talent show in Japan! (This happens to me every night at dinner, BTW!)

I know you’ve been assembling your fake blood and best zombie outfit for this Saturday’s Zombie Walk:

Saturday, October 20

MOAN
Get warmed up for Halloween with a good old-fashioned Zombie Walk through downtown. You know the drill: Don your zombie attire, meet at Pioneer Courthouse Square, and stagger around pretending to eat brains. (Don’t forget to bring “alcohol, money, and weed,” say event organizers. Done, done, and done! But hide it in your zombie pants.) AJR Pioneer Courthouse Square, 6 pm, FREE, all ages

However, sometime between when we wrote and fact checked that Busy Week item, and when we printed it, the Zombie Walk was rescheduled to October 27. Clearly, zombies have eaten half of our brains.

A terse email, sent out about a half hour ago from Carmen Merlo, the head of the Portland Office of Emergency Management, just made its way into our hands:

REAL WORLD - NOT EXERCISE MESSAGE

Because of a real world event involving the evacuation of the Doubletree Hotel - the location of the Joint Field Office - the National Operations Center is recommending a STOP IN EXERCISE PLAY until further notice.

More details when I get them.

Update: Just talked to someone in the DoubleTree office who says they haven’t been evacuated and are still in the office working—though no one is allowed to enter or exit the hotel, but she chalked that up to the TOPOFF exercise.

Police spokesperson Brian Schmautz sent an email saying that the streets around the hotel, as well as the Max, have been closed down. A media advisory just came out from the FEMA news desk saying that this afternoon’s press event at the hotel has been canceled.

Update #2: Looks like KATU’s got a bit of news.

Bomb-sniffing dogs being used for a TOPOFF exercise in northeast Portland detected the real thing, prompting police to cordon off a hotel, close nearby streets and shut down the MAX.

According to Brian Schmautz with the Portland Police Bureau, as officials were doing a sweep of the Doubletree Hotel located near the Lloyd Center, bomb-sniffing dogs got a hit on a car in the vicinity.

There is currently a heavy police presence in the area while police investigate.

The scariest Michael Jackson mask EVER! Available from Frightcatalog.com, only $30.

Hey, wannabe makers of films of horror! Care to try your hand at the Fourth Annual KnowFilmFast Horror Film Competition? Sure you do!

Here’s the deal: You have 66 hours and 6 minutes to make a film that’s 6 minutes and 66 seconds long. Once teams have turned in their films, there’ll be a screening of them at the Know (2026 NE Alberta) on Saturday, October 27. It’s an event that promises “Shits and giggles for all who are not murdered,” so I really can’t see how it can go wrong.

Filming kicks off at midnight tonight. All the info you need is included in the press release, which I’ll post after the jump. Good luck.

THE 4TH ANNUAL KnowFilmFast HORROR FILM COMPETITION (a.k.a. The 666)

How it works:

You grab seven switchblades, four quarts of chocolate syrup, and some of that shit that knocks people out when you put it on a villain's handkerchief. Then, you go out and make a movie in 66 hours and 6 minutes. All movies must be less than 6 minutes and 66 seconds long, and must contain an ominous villain and that character's weapon of choice which will be provided to you by some silly game of chance like blindfolded dart throwing, or bobbing for pumpkins. Filming this year will begin at the strike of Midnight on Thursday, October 18th. Films must be returned by Sunday, October 21st at 6:06:06 pm. Screening the following Saturday, October, 27th at 9PM at The Know. CASH MONEY for the victorious team. And other prizes for the loveable losers. Shits and giggles for all who are not murdered.

How to enter:

Contact me at josh@theknow.info and I'll email you the entry forms and such, or just show up at The Know around 11:30 pm on Thursday, October 18th, and we'll get you set up then. Entry fee is $20.

Where's The Know?

The Know
2026 NE Alberta
Portland, OR 97211
www.theknowbar.com
503-473-8729
Hours: 4pm - Close daily
info@theknowbar.com

Breathe easy (well, not that easy, since there’s still fake Cesium-7 particles floating through downtown Portland): Gov. Ted Kulongoski didn’t pretend croak during the TOPOFF exercise.

According to the Oregonian, which has more reporters covering the terror drill than we have total employees, Kulongoski decided to ditch his plans to “practice succession procedures” by fake dying and handing over the state’s reins to Secretary of State Bill Bradbury.

It’s a smart media move—the headline would have written itself: “Did Gov. Fake His Death To Avoid Answering Questions About The Goldschmidt Scandal?”

On that note, Kulongoski today apologized to TV reporters for walking off during the TOPOFF press conference yesterday, saying that he wasn’t mad and that he didn’t want to distract from the terror exercise. He wouldn’t comment on the Oregon State Bar inquiry except to say that he plans to cooperate fully with their investigation.

Miranda July: If you’re tempted to color on your monitor right now, remember to put a piece of plastic wrap over the screen first.

This Saturday, local artist Scott Wayne Indiana is premiering his latest project, Coloring Book, which is based on the art and artists of Portland. Indiana is best known locally for tying toy horses to the ubiquitous horse rings on Portland’s sidewalks. Nearly every artist in town is represented in Coloring Book, myself included. Since I wasn’t approached about this project (I do seem to remember him emailing me for a picture of myself several months ago—a request I promptly dismissed) but made it into the final cut anyway, there’s a decent chance that you’re in the book, too. A full lineup of the “participating” artists after the jump. I would probably be a little warmer about this project if Indiana offered the book free to the artists whose work he cannibalized, but even they have to shell out $10—down from the $20 he’s charging the general public.

The book will be on sale at the Side Door Cafe, 425 SE Washington, Sat Oct 20, 1-4 pm.

Here is the list of people represented in the book, with * indicating that a picture of the artist's art has also been included. In some cases just the art which is indicated by **:

Arlene Schnitzer
Abi Spring*
Adam Graves*
Andrew Dickson
Annette Thurston*
Ben Stagl*
Blair Saxon-Hill
Brad Adkins*
Brenda Mallory*
Brenden Clenaghen*
Brian Ferriso
Bruce Conkle*
Bruce Guenther
Carl Morris*
Chandra Bocci*
Chas Bowie**
Chris Johanson*
Chris Rauschenberg*
Corey Smith*
Damali Ayo*
Daniel Kaven*
David Eckard*
DK Row
Ellen George**
Eugenia Pardue**
Eva Lake*
Gavin shetler
Gus Van Sant
Harrell Fletcher*
Harvest Henderson*
Henk Pander*
Hilda Morris*
Holly Andres
Jacqueline Ehlis*
Jacob and Arnold Pander
James Boulton*
James Lavadour*
Jane Beebe
Jay Backstrand
Jeff Jahn*
Jenen Nagy* and Josh Smith
Jennifer Armbrust
Jennifer Gately
Jesse Hayward
Jo Jackson*
Joe Thurston*
John Brodie
Jordan Schnitzer
Josh Arseneau*
Justin Oswald
Kelly Rauer
Kristan Kennedy*
Laura Russo
Laurel Gitlen
Liz Haley*
Liz Leach
Liz Obert*
Louis Bunce*
MK Guth**
Marie Watt**
Mark Rothko*
Mark Woolley
Marne Lucas*
Matt Groening
Matt McCormick*
Matthew Stadler
Meg Scheminske*
Melia Donovan*
Michael Brophy**
Michele Russo**
Miranda July
Morris Graves*
Paige Saez*
Pat Boas*
Paul Green
Paul Middendorf*
Rhoda London
Richard Speer
Rod Pulliam
Rose McCormick
Ruth Ann Brown
Sally Haley**
Sam Gould*
Scott Wayne Indiana*
Sean Healy*
Stephanie Snyder
Storm Tharp*
Tim Duroche and Lisa Radon
Timothy Scott Dalbow*
TJ Norris*
Tom Cramer*
Todd Haynes
Ty Ennis*
Vanessa Renwick*

photo: Sam Holden

Like I need to do a damn thing to get you excited for tonight’s Lucero show, but just in case you remain unconvinced, here is the band offering up a countrified, good ‘ole boy, take on Jawbreaker’s classic ode to Mission District drinking (one of many, I suppose).

MP3:
Lucero - Kiss the Bottle (live)

Why no one doesn’t write a song about Mission District burritos is beyond me. I could write an entire album about the food at Pancho Villa Taqueria.

Lucero performs at the Hawthorne Theatre tonight.

This afternoon, Liberal Portland is invading the hell out of conservative talk radio station KUIK AM 1360 in Hillsboro. Host Jayne Carrol is off for the day so, as usually happens when she’s out, our favorite libertarian, Dave Lister, is taking over from 3-6pm.

City council candidate Amanda Fritz is going to be on from 4-5, and I’ll be on shortly after 5. This will be the third time I’ve been on, and it’s always a blast.

I don’t know if the radio signal travels all the way in to Portland, but KUIK.com has a “Listen Live” button on their front page that may or may not work, if you’re hoping to catch it online. (I’ve tried clicking it, but it keeps pooping out.)

Another music section to read while you start your hunger strike to free Iggy the puppy. Iggy, the new Mumia.

True to their name, Liars are a bunch of deceiving jerks who change their sound with every record. Why? Lord only knows.
MP3: Liars - Freak Out

Hailing from the dirty dirty, Lucero tells tales of woe, their love for the bottle and the wonders of Memphis living. Someone get that singer a lozenge!
MP3: Lucero - I Can Get Us Out Of Here Tonight

Straight outta Edmonton (the third toughest Canadian city, behind Saskatoon and Moose Jaw), Cadence Weapon proves that when it comes to intelligent rhymes, location ain’t shit.
MP3: Cadence Weapon - Sharks

Spencer Krug of Sunset Rubdown sure likes to play in a lot of bands (Wolf Eyes Parade, Frog Eyes), but at least it beats working for the man at the ‘ole bakery. Hey muffin man, write me a song, will ‘ya?
MP3: Sunset Rudown - The Mending of the Gown

•The military unwittingly advertises for recruits on a gay website. Or was it… WITTINGLY?

•A prostitute provided to former Rep. Randy “Duke” Cunningham testified Wednesday that the congressman fed her grapes as she sat naked in a hot tub. Whatever happened to just getting “fifty dollah to make you holla”?

• Britney Spears loses complete visitation rights with her kids until further notice. Can we lose visitation rights with her, too?

• Leaders of the Christian Right meet to discuss whether they should defect from the Republican party. Ummm, guess what, Christians? WE DON’T WANT YOU EITHER.

• Ellen Degeneres is now crying for us to stop talking about “Puppy-gate” promising that she’ll stop talking about it as well. How about this… we’ll stop talking about it when you stop MURDERING PUPPIES, you LESBIAN PUPPY MURDERER!!

Have an awesome.

Overlook resident Molly Franks’ smartly-worded and sensible email arrived in the Mercury’s inbox late last night. It’s too long to make it into the paper in its entirety, but that’s not a problem here on Blogtown:

To the Editor:

I think an underlying desire of people who advocate
changing Interstate Ave. to Cesar Chavez Blvd. is for
recognition of discrimination and racism that people
of color experience on a regular basis here. What has
not been acknowledged clearly by those who oppose the
name change is that the causes Chavez fought for – an
end to racism and other forms of oppression – are
still issues today.

Hearing the word “racism” at the community forums was
upsetting to many white people. Maybe they’re thinking
of the KKK, racial epithets, or Jim Crow segregation.
I think when many people of color talk about racism,
they also include more subtle forms of discrimination,
under-representation, and stereotyping, of which many
white people are unaware. I believe my white neighbors
are sincere in their desire to show respect for Cesar
Chavez and their Latino neighbors. And, even as many
vehemently denied participating in racism, it surfaced
at the forums.

To some, these things may seem unimportant, but for
others they are painful reminders of significant
historic and current patterns of discrimination. One
white woman asked her neighbor, a woman of color, to
stand next to her as she spoke, as a representation of
“the kind of diversity we value in our neighborhood.”
I think the white woman wanted to express support and
solidarity. To others it felt like a tokenizing and
objectifying display. Another white woman said it was
a form of bias that at one forum there was “Ethnic
food and mariachi music.” Doesn’t all food represent
someone’s ethnicity? Would it not be biased to serve
“American” food instead? But how does celebrating one
culture threaten another anyway?

Almost all those who disrespected the group process by
speaking out of turn, shouting, clapping, and waving
signs were white people speaking against the change.
At my neighborhood association meeting, three Latinos
addressed a room of over one hundred almost
exclusively white people, many of whom were palpably
hostile. People laughed and cheered derisively. I can
understand why people have experienced racism in this
process.

Changing the name of a major street would be a way to
recognize the racism that exists here. As opponents
argue, it would be a burden on local businesses. It
would also be a way to acknowledge the value and
contributions of Latinos in this community. For a
time, it might be confusing to visitors to our
neighborhood. It would be a new chapter in the history
of Interstate Avenue, which as one forum participant
reminded us, was once an Indian trail, and later had
another name before it became Interstate. How do we
want this era of North Portland history to be marked?

White people need to acknowledge our unearned
race-based privileges in history and in the present.
Our intent might not be discriminatory, but we need to
listen to the impact of our words and deeds.
Regardless of how we feel about the street name.

Molly Franks
Overlook Neighborhood Resident

Appropriately enough, Mayor Potter has scheduled a vote on a resolution to rename Interstate for César E. Chávez for Halloween, according to the city clerk. (Why’s Halloween so appropriate? The preceeding public comment just might be a horrific bloodbath).

October 31, 2 pm, City Hall. I’ve got calls in to see what’s up with the Leonard-Sten-Adams potential “new process,” but a vote signals to me that the committee made it clear they’d rather risk a 3-2 or 4-1 vote instead of dealing with more process.

UPDATE @ 4:48: I just caught up with Commissioner Sam Adams, who’s in a “hermetically sealed bunker” (AKA his office at city hall) thanks to TOPOFF. He says he’ll be out of town on the 31st, at a “Rail Volution” conference.

[EDIT: According to the mayor’s office, Adams will be in town—they aimed to schedule the vote for a time when the entire council would be present. I checked in with Adams’ office, and indeed, he is headed to Miami for the Rail Volution conference, but he’s taking a red-eye—after the Interstate vote.]

“I’m not going to be here, but I lean toward the process. Our de facto process for the city has been we’ll rename the street if there’s no significant opposition to the proposal. I think any neighborhood in the city would have the kind of response we’re getting from North Portland if two major streets were renamed in the course of a year. It’s a lot to ask any neighborhood in Portland,” he says. “I’d love to have a major street be renamed, and Interstate would be considered as well through the process that Randy has talked about.”

I’m waiting for a call back from Randy Leonard’s chief of staff—Leonard’s in Europe, not in a hermetically sealed fake bunker. Are they still going to call for additional process?

Last week I got my hands on a copy of the new The Jungle Book DVD. The Jungle Book is one of my favorite movies, which I feel weird about saying for some reason, possibly because it hampers my legendary image of being a reckless badass. But still: Ever since I was five or six and first saw it, I’ve always thought The Jungle Book was the best Disney movie, and arguably just one of the best kids’ movies, period, and I’ve always loved the films’ characters, esp. Bagheera and Baloo, to a pretty intense degree. Rewatching it on this DVD 20 years later—and 40 years after it was made—reaffirmed those thoughts. It’s still as charming, cool, heartfelt, and funny as ever.

Anyway, a quick DVD review after the jump. Also, a YouTube of the best song from the movie. You can sing along if you want.

Okay, first let's do that YouTube action: "I Wanna Be Like You," which is just awesome. Brad Bird (who wrote and directed two of the best animated films in recent memory, The Incredibles and Ratatouille) says on one of The Jungle Book DVD's special features that the film isn't "the flashiest story [Disney] did, it’s not the most grand artistically. But I don’t think there’s ever been a better showcase for character animation.” Yes. Proof:

That clip's quality is for shit, of course, and it honestly kind of hurts to watch it after seeing the beautifully restored version of the film that's on the DVD. The movie is gorgeous, with killer character designs, animation that pops off the screen, and some really amazing backgrounds, and the DVD does it justice. For visuals alone, it's worth watching--luckily the story, the music, and everything else make it worth watching for a ton of other reasons, too.

The special features on the disc are shaky, straddling the line between stuff designed for kids (who, yes, okay, are who the movie is for), and adults who're gonna buy this out of nostalgia (ahem). The kiddie stuff is mostly games and goofy, fluffy bullshit, and it's largely disposable unless you're in the market for an electronic babysitter. A few of the more grown-up documentaries, though, are definitely worthwhile. Most important is "The Making of The Jungle Book," a doc that comes in at just under an hour, but follows the film from its conception to its release.

If there's one legit complaint about all of the special features, it's that they display an almost creepy reverence toward Walt Disney. Granted, the dude created an empire, but there are a lot of indications--even on this disc alone--that his touch wasn't as magic as everybody seems intent on making it out to be. Disney's longtime and talented writer, Bill Peet, butted heads with Disney on adapting Rudyard Kipling's stories to the extent that he left the studio and never worked with Disney again. Disney's insistence on fun and character also overrode what he discomfortingly called "the icky-sticky story stuff," meaning most of Kipling's dark, smart story elements got trounced in favor of singing, dancing, and slapstick. Not that I'm complaining--see the clip above--but it's weird to have everybody on this disc fawning over Disney, when a more nuanced look at the making of the film would have been just as, or more, interesting. Also, I never noticed this before, but Disney totally has this weird molester 'stache, and I don't like it at all.

Seriously, would you trust that guy with your kids?

Anyway.

There are a bunch of cool bits of knowledge in the "making of" featurette: That the vultures were supposed to be voiced by a certain singing group, but "they couldn't get the Beatles"; that the original voice for Mowgli got fired when his voice cracked halfway through production; that "The Bare Necessities" is the only song remaining by the film's original composer, who was fired because Disney thought his songs--like Peet's script ideas--were too dark. (Also: The scariest character actor in the world voiced the baby elephant when he was a little kid, which is weird. And scary.)

There are also some pretty killer galleries of concept artwork, character sketches, and matte paintings. These are gorgeous. I have a soft spot for films' concept artwork, and these cement the fact that back in the '60s, some of the best artists working were at Disney. I included one above, but here are some character sketches of Baloo:

The jazz-influenced music is key here, too, both in the excellent soundtrack and in the casting of a few key voices (like the great Phil Harris as Baloo and Louis Prima as King Louie). The music's never sounded better than it does on this disc.

I should probably stop, because I can get nostalgic and giddy over The Jungle Book for hours, but the point is this: If you have fond memories of the flick from when you were a kid, check out the new DVD. You won't be disappointed. If you don't have fond memories of the film, you're an emotionless, subhuman monster, and I hate you.

Yay! It’s almost time once again for Portland’s favorite city-wide talent show PIZZAZZ! Some of our city’s most eccentric, and talented performers—all on one stage, giving their all to win the coveted $1000 grand prize! INTERESTED? Then let me sincerely advise you to get your tickets NOW. Last year, over 200 people were left standing on the sidewalk for the sold-out Pizzazz performance. DON’T BE ONE OF THOSE UNLUCKY 200. Get your tickets ASAP from the Wonder Ballroom box office, or any Ticketmaster location. Here’s the pertinent info!

PIZZAZZ!
Friday, October 26, doors 7pm, show at 8 pm
Wonder Ballroom, 128 NE Russell
General seating, 21 and over, ONLY $10!

But what exactly is “PIZZAZZ”? To help explain this elusive state of being, I’ll be bringing you daily reminders of the show, as well as talented acts that have “PIZZAZZ” running out of every orifice! For example… this video of the multi-talented MISS PEGGY GUY from The Gong Show. Now THAT’s PIZZAZZ!

On September 26, SW Portland resident Amber Ontiveros sent a Title VI civil rights complaint to the City of Portland, alleging that members of the César E. Chávez Boulevard Committee were “allegedly met with jeering, mocking, booing, and suggestions by the audience that a more suitable location [for honoring Chávez] would be the street corner of a rundown plaza on Greeley and Killingsworth or a hiring center of day laborers,” at the September 18 Overlook Neighborhood Association (ONA) meeting on the proposal to rename Interstate.

“One Latina audience member was asked if she was from the neighborhood, but no non-minorities were asked the same question. Another audience member said, ‘Not in my backyard.’”

Ontiveros, who has not returned a call from the Mercury, cited Title VI of the 1964 Civil Rights Act, which says that “no person in the United States shall, on the ground of race, color, or national origin, be excluded from participation in, be denied the benefits of, or be subjected to discrimination under any program or activity receiving federal financial assistance.”

The “alleged racist remarks could constitute intentional discrimination,” Ontiveros wrote in a letter to Amalia Alarcon, director of the city’s Office of Neighborhood Involvement, which “coordinates the City of Portland’s public participation activities” with neighborhood groups like the Overlook Neighborhood Association. The Mercury obtained a copy of the complaint on October 16.

“Unless the City of Portland takes immediate corrective action with the Overlook Neighborhood Association the city could be found duplicitous in the aforementioned alleged intentional discriminatory practices,” Ontiveros added.

The entire complaint is after the cut, and there’s a bit more on this in today’s paper.

OK bookworms: time to grab some of that glory that eluded us—er, you—throughout high school when you were reading Franny and Zooey instead of grabbing ass and thumbing through Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance while your classmates were skinnydipping and smoking weed. The opportunity has arrived for you to be recognized for your knowledge of all things literary, as Portland prepares for six nights of literary trivia nights, hosted by Shannon Donaldson of ShanRock’s Triviology. Held in celebration of Wordstock, the trivia nights benefits Community of Writers, an organization that helps young kids become future lit-trivia contest winners.

“Literary quizzes will be composed of seven short rounds, giving team’s instant gratification and the glory of being declared the nights “Biggest Book Worm”. Players will have the chance to answer questions in the categories of: literature, poetry, grammar, vocabulary, theater, and comics.”

So if you’re quick on the buzzer and know what kind of hot dog wagon Ignatius Reilly pushed; who is credited with inventing lyric poetry; what the last sentence of 1984 is; or the names of three US poet laureates from the last decade, check out the whens and wheres of the events after the jump.

Monday, October 29 / 9 p.m.: Greater Trumps (39th and Hawthorne)

Sunday, November 4 / 7 p.m.: Albina Green (5128 N. Albina)

Monday, November 5 / 8 p.m.: Hawthorne Hideaway (2221 SE Hawthorne)

Tuesday, November 6 / 7:30 p.m.: Sewickly’s Addition (4901 SE Hawthorne)

Wednesday, November 7 / 8 p.m.: Peter’s 19th Hole (5701 NE Fremont)

Thursday, November 8 / 9 p.m.: La Merde (301 SE Morrison)

Start the hate mail in 3…2…1…

Few guilty pleasures make me feel the dirty dirty shame I get from listening to Say Anything. Of course, a case can be made that frontman Max Bemis is behind an elaborate parody of the emo genre, after all he is the guy who titled a song “I Will Never Write An Obligatory Song About Being On The Road And Missing Someone.” Then again, maybe he means every word he sings. God helps us.

Say Anything - “Wow, I Can Get Sexual Too”

Say Anything performs tonight at the Crystal Ballroom.

When the Gossip pulled out of their scheduled performance at Siren Nation (a 4 day fest focusing on women’s music, performance art, and film), the once-awesome* and always-lesbionic Team Dresch stepped up to replace them. TD reunited in 2004 for a show at Homo-a-gogo in Olympia—a show I’m to this day a little grumpy about missing, since from all accounts they played the hell out of Personal Best and Captain My Captain. Since then they’ve done a bit of touring, and are also apparently working on new material.

I hate to say this, but I don’t care about new material. I just want to hear this song:

*they may still be awesome. I can only vouch for their awesomeness circa 1995.

So, who else is feeling apocalyptic with all this pretend nuking of the city?

If you’re not, here’s a list that should get you in the mood, starting with Countdown To Looking Glass, which aired on television sometime in the mid-’80s. It was a terrible, cheaply thrown together mock newscast, apparently based on a war game, designed to examine the events that could lead up to a nuclear war with Russia. (Looking Glass was the name of a real plane that would serve as the president’s “mobile air command” in the event of a nuclear war.)

Here’s the only clip of it I could find:

Aaaaand, here are some better films:

Children of Men

Red Dawn

The Omega Man

The Day After

When The Wind Blows

The Road Warrior

A Boy and His Dog

War Games

Terminator 2

In case you couldn’t read the subtle subtext behind this new “irrigation system” installed in Waterfront Park this morning, that’s what it means:PLEASE DON’T GET WET: Signs, sprinklers, manure…

I’ve contacted Parks Commissioner Dan Saltzman’s office—he’s the only commissioner, so far, who’s not committed to a public discussion about more oversight for the private rent-a-cop firm, Portland Patrol, Inc.—which as well as conducting “order maintenance” downtown for the Portland Business Alliance, has a contract to issue parks exclusions in Commissioner Saltzman’s parks—asking him:

1.Whose idea was this?
2.Is it targeted at the homeless?
3.What’s an elaborate sprinkler system doing in Waterfront park with a bunch of manure where everybody sleeps?
4.What has been PPI/Clean & Safe’s input on this idea?
5.Can we have copies of all internal documents relating to these notices and this sprinkler system to prove there’s no malicious intent towards the homeless here?

I could be wrong, but when I asked a couple of people standing around this morning, looking at the sprinklers, they were getting the same message that I was—that the City is fed up with homeless people sleeping under the steel bridge, and has employed this oddly aggressive, 7-jet sprinkler system, as a means to wash its hands of the “problem.” I might also have asked Saltzman when the turf was refurbished, why the sprinkler system is necessary when it’s raining, and why there’s manure all over the place, too? But hopefully he’ll get the point of my questions.

We need a different approach. Street Roots reports PPI issued more park exclusions than ever in September, the number is now approaching 2000. Park exclusions are, in my view, worse than the Drug and Prostitution Free Zones in their disproportionate targeting towards certain segments of the population.
SALTZMAN: Parks commissioner. Hates your rights.

Back to these sprinklers: How is our community expected to move forward on homeless issues with trust and mutual respect, when people employ underhanded, plausibly deniable, bare-faced tactics like this to move people along? GRASS is not more important than treating people with respect regardless of their circumstances. Sorry, Dan. But that’s the way I feel.

Remember when Stephen Colbert called Portland a hotbed of communists and hippies? City council candidate Charles Lewis is now threatening to have a bear eat him.

4702 N Albina has a new boutique: Chapterfour carries streetwear and accessories for men and women. I’m planning to check it out this week—has anyone else been there? How are the goods?

At yesterday’s TOPOFF press conference, Gov. Ted Kulongoski suggested that he might not make it through the rest of the terror drill—in a pretend sort of way. From the Oregonian:

Gov. Ted Kulongoski, however, said, “We’re playing this for real,” hinting Tuesday afternoon at a twist to come.

Kulongoski suggested he is “going to have to trigger” a succession plan to replace himself in office.

That’s a pretty sweet deal. I think today’s a good day for me to fake my own death—get the afternoon off and all.

The mobile dance party of The Go! Team rolls through PDX tonight, and for anyone who saw them kill it at the Wonder a couple years back, it’s going to be hard to skip this show.

The six-piece band from Brighton, England, are a glorious mess of simplistic hiphop, cheerleading/double-dutch shouted vocals and just about any other influence they can possible cram into one song. But you don’t really care about all that, you just want to dance. Here is “Grip Like A Vice.”

The Go! Team perform at Doug Fir tonight.

Here’s a video I just came across depicting a Portland man who gets tasered by the police for videotaping them searching his neighbor’s property. Like the rest of the city, the man is reportedly suing the cops. I’m sure Matt will come along in a moment with an update and specifics. (Whoops. ALREADY UPDATED HERE!) In the meantime, check out this clip! It’s kind of like the Blair Witch Project of police abuse videos.

And am I wrong, or are the cops supposed to yell “Taser, Taser, Taser” before tazing somebody? (That’s not a joke, I believe they’re actually supposed to do that.)

Genocide just isn’t as popular as it used to be—support is dropping for a House resolution that would condemn Turkish killing of Armenians 100 years ago. Don’t wanna piss off the turks. Just ask Nikolai Volkoff what happened when he criticized the Iron Sheik’s ruthless ways.

On the other hand, Turkey’s parliament just approved a plan to send troops into northern Iraq to pummel the Kurds. Just laying the ground work for another “genocide or not genocide?” fight 100 years from now.

It’s official? Recent Nobel Peace Prize winner Al Gore will NOT be running for president. Sorry to piss on everyone’s parade. (Also, we do remember that Henry Kissinger won a Nobel Peace Prize in the ’70s, and nobody wants him to run for president.)

Gov. Ted Kulongoski reportedly walked out of yesterday’s press conference about the TOPOFF drill when a reporter asked him about the Neil Goldschmidt scandal. People! Stay in character!

When Ellen sobs like a three-year-old trying to get her way, the whole world sobs like a three-year-old trying to get her way. (Here’s the video from Steve’s post yesterday—the comments have BLOWN UP.)

Amanda Fritz looks like she’s pulling another first when it comes to Portland Public Financing. In the 2006 election, she was the first candidate to qualify for public funds. This year, in her bid for Sam Adams’ city commissioner seat, it looks like she’s the first to plant herself at Portland coffeeshops, so supporters can “show up, chat, and consider whether to give my campaign $5.” Or, as she’s also calling it, “Meet, Greet, Give-and-get-receipt” events.

Here’s where to find her this weekend:

Friday, October 19, Noon - 1:30 p.m. Monte Rossa Espresso 327 NW 4th

Friday, October 19, 7:30 - 9 p.m.
Bipartisan Cafe
7901 SE Stark

Saturday, October 20, 1 - 3 p.m.
Espresso Classico
11136 SW Capitol Highway
(at SW Pomona, near PCC Sylvania)

Sunday, October 21, 1:30 - 3 p.m.
Little Red Bike Cafe
4823 N Lombard Street

As the tragic fake events of today fake slow down, I have a brief moment to reflect. I’m struck by the parallels to that other tragedy, which also happened on a Tuesday—or production day, as we call it here at the Mercury.

Today, like that other Tuesday of over six years ago, we were just beginning to put the final touches on this week’s paper as tragedy struck and our world was forever altered. Then, as now, we were faced with tough decisions—do we print the paper we have, or the paper that reflects the time we now live in? And the cover—do we go with whichever cartoon character our art director has selected to represent the issue of October 18? Or do we scramble to find a new cover, one that documents—and comments on—history?

These are the difficult fake choices we have faced all day.

We hope we’ve made the right decision.

Back to rewriting the entire paper. We may be here all night covering the breaking fake news.

The world will never be the same.

So while Portland is being reduced to ashes by dirty bomb carrying terrorists, daytime talk show host ELLEN DEGENERES has more “important” things on her mind: primarily the fact that she’s BETRAYED a helpless puppy and possibly caused its inadvertent death. Watch as Ellen explains her predicament, and then suffers a sobbing mental break down on national TV. Yeah, whatever. Tell that to the puppy, Ellen.

Did you see the Comedians of Comedy when they came through Portland a week or two ago? Let’s assume that you don’t suck, so yes, of course you did. With that assumption firmly in place, let us now enjoy “The Comedians of Comedy Tour 2007: The Portland Episode,” in which Patton Oswalt, Brian Posehn, and Maria Bamford reflect on Portland in general and the cold, filthy Jupiter Hotel in particular.

Whoa! Grisly!

That’s the only word I can use to describe the B-grade horror movie makeup that someone applied to the “victims” of the TOPOFF fake dirty bomb exercise. Shortly after noon, the first load of patients were hauled in to OHSU’s emergency center, where they were hosed off in a big blue tent in the parking lot, triaged, and then carted in to the entrance of the ER.

By 1pm, only five patients had been brought to OHSU—there are reportedly more at other facilities like Legacy. At least one, possibly two, of the OHSU patients died—one croaked in the entrance to the ER and laid still with a sheet over him for at least 10 minutes. One of the actors in the drama should be familiar to anyone who spends time around city hall or at protests—Teresa Teater.

More colorful photos after the jump.