Earlier this week I tried to pre-empt the Portland Tribune by calling for a ban on baggy pants. Well, here’s another hazard of wearing them. “Sorry about that…”
BAGGY PANTS: YET ANOTHER PERVO-COP…

In the interest of keeping up on the new restaurants and such that endlessly crop up around town, I went to Isabel (330 NW 10th) for lunch today. Were I to be unlucky enough to have a job that wouldn’t allow me to be away from my desk for two full hours on such a quest, I might be put off by the fact that it took almost as long to get a table as it did for the food to arrive. So, if you need to be back in less than an hour for your lunch breaks, I would recommend it for weekends only, or just waiting a few weeks for the hype to calm down. This is founding chef Isabel Cruz’s fifth restaurant, with locations dotting southern California and one in Ashland. Her signature is a fusion of Latin and Asian cuisines… did I mention she is from California? This place reminded me very much of California, where fusion and health food-centric menus are decades-old news.

And it is healthy, satisfying food. I had a burrito with brown rice, corn, tofu, and mushrooms, while my two dining companions wolfed down a great, subtly flavored plate of noodles with veggies and tofu and a breakfasty potato dish. The product of simple ingredients with strong, natural flavors there’s no “diet food” vibe, even though cheese and bread are probably the closest you’ll come to calorie-watching crimes and brown rice and egg whites are featured prominently on the menu. If you’re looking for a weekend brunch that isn’t going to be a gut-bombing recipe for mid-afternoon lethargy, or you have the time and inclination for a classy, conscientious lunch, you’ll love it. Just don’t everybody love it at once, ok?

I sense a new culture at the OLCC, ever since their former executive director Teresa Kaiser resigned in April 2006, following a drunk driving charge.

Three OLCC reps at last Tuesday’s Debate Club—where we discussed a proposal to loosen up the rules that currently bar minors from most music venues serving booze—were open and engaging, explaining how the OLCC came into existance and why they regulate liquor (it turns out they aren’t all that demonic!), and really showing that they’re flexible and open to making changes.

As if to prove my point, I just got this from their communications department: A reminder that it’s time to roll back the clocks this weekend, which means we all get an extra hour to drink! Thanks for the heads up, OLCC!

Tick Tock. Goodbye Daylight Saving Time!

At 2 a.m. Sunday morning (Nov.4), the clocks are turned back one hour as Daylight Saving Time ends. So for the imbibing crowd, that could mean that nightclubs, bars, taverns and other licensed premises may remain open an extra hour.

According to the Oregon Liquor Control Commission, liquor licensees must stop serving/selling alcohol at the new 2:30 a.m. (ST), which means they get an extra hour to be open.

However, they’ll have to return that 60 minutes in the spring when the clocks are pushed forward an hour.

Toast the OLCC at 2 am, both times, would ya?

In fact, I used to really love and respect vaginas until I saw this clip from the vagina-themed episode of The Tyra Banks Show. And no, a puppet vagina does NOT make me feel better… it makes me feel WORSE. (It almost made me feel as awkward as the poor woman inexplicably sitting on Tyra’s knee.)

Dirtfarm by Ben Claassen III on Bendependent.

Cornelius Swart, publisher of the St. Johns Sentinel—which, by the way, is one of the best neighborhood papers in town—has an editorial today giving the thumbs up to City Commissioners Randy Leonard, Sam Adams, and Erik Sten’s possible compromise solution to the Chávez rename issue. (The commissioners are trying to assemble a panel of civic superheros to debate a few streets, and decide which one’s the best option to carry Chávez’ name.)

The editorial represents the personal view of the publisher, Cornelius Swart, who is himself Hispanic and reflects his concern that further deterioration of the process will lead to dire consequences in the neighborhood if both sides continue on the current path.

A just compromise for Chavez
A new process is needed, but both sides have to be prepared to accept the results

Cesar Chavez fought for social justice. That is a noble cause. The word justice means “fairness or reasonableness, especially in the way people are treated or decisions are made.” Justice is a process, not a result. And so far the Chavez process has not lived up to his legacy of justice.

The walkout of the mayor at the Oct. 25 City Council meeting was a high water mark of sorts for a process characterized by a breakdown in fairness, reasonableness and concern for how people are treated. The situation is getting worse, not better. If the council were to rename the street tomorrow, given the present mood in North Portland, it would not surprise me if residents tore down the new signs the day after they went up.

There is plenty of blame to go around. The city, North Portland residents, and the Chavez Committee have all made very public mistakes. Even the Sentinel should take heat for endorsing Rosa Parks Way and perhaps giving some the impression that Chavez Boulevard would be a cakewalk.

Having broken this story in July, this paper is positioned right in the middle of the issue. On the one hand, the Sentinel is published by an Hispanic American who empathizes with Latinos who want to see some symbol of their contribution to the city made concrete. On the other hand, the business of the Sentinel is to support the interests of North Portland, a community that clearly does not like the proposal or the way residents have been treated by City Hall.

The way out is to start a new process that will respect the concerns of local residents and still achieve the goals of the Chavez Committee. In order to do that, the council must be willing to take over the process. Moreover, both the Latino community and North Portland need to be prepared to accept the outcome…even if it is not exactly what they wanted.

Head to their site to read the whole thing.

Meanwhile, Multnomah County Commissioner Maria Rojo de Steffey wrote a letter to the mayor and city council on Monday, to say “I am struggling here and need your help.”

As much as we would all wish this would all go away and we could go back where we’ve been, you know where this is going; what is causing this painful request for clarification. You know that every day I look at the wall in my office – an office in which each of you has shared with me – and see the photographic images of the two men, aside from those in my family, who are my heroes: Bobby Kennedy and Cesar Chavez. You know that I need to hear a plain, simple explanation of why I, like my friends in the African American and Japanese American communities, cannot celebrate the life of my Mexican American hero by naming Interstate Avenue in his honor.

As in, “white people,” Randy? If not, whom? Alt-weekly journalists? From today’s Oregonian:

“What I do not want to do is take a group of well-meaning citizens and throw them under the bus again. We’ve already done that once to the Chavez committee,” Leonard said. “What we need is not just five random thoughtful community leaders, but five folks who are recognized instantly for their contributions, have been through the political wars and are prepared for the job we’re asking them to do.”

“I know what he means,” responds Maria Lisa Johnson, Executive Director of the Latino Network. “What he means is, he wants folks like Vera Katz—heavy hitters that aren’t community activists, necessarily. But what we’ve seen, historically, in Portland, is that there’s such a Nimby attitude and an attitude against change, that nobody that he puts there is going to make a difference.”

She continues:”People say they’d like more public input but they’ve had two hearings, at least 300 people each, two hugely attended public hearings, what more public input could they get that would not be extending an abusive and racist platform for folks?”

I’m taking the afternoon off to lobby my condo association to change the name of our building to the “Maria Lisa Johnson Lofts.”

Meanwhile Sir Randy Leondard, Sir, I’m asking only for clarification of what that statement really means. Please don’t think I’m accusing you of racism, because I’m not.

Best place to get one? Best kind? Answers!!!

Tim over at the Miracle Theater just let me know that he has 9 tickets left for tonight’s performance of La Carpa del Ausente, their Day of the Dead show. Buy one. Quick!

I saw this show last night and really enjoyed it—to my surprise, I have to admit. The conceit struck me as strange: a Day of the Dead show in the style of a 1940s USO canteen show. Aaaaand it’s bilingual. What?

But man, the Miracle really pulled it together. I should NOT have been surprised by this—they consistently do good work. The show incorporates music, vaudeville, dance, and pantomine in a very funny and moving homage to the often-overlooked Latino soldiers who fought in WWII. I saw the show with a busload of Spanish-speaking teenagers who seemed to enjoy it as much as I did—I don’t speak a lick of Spanish (although as is the case every time I see one of the Miracle’s bilingual shows, I have freshly resolved to learn) and still had no problem following along—the integration of Spanish and English is for the most part very smooth. It helps that the show is very movement-oriented, with only the simplest (in a good way) narrative thread unifying the various elements.

Highly recommended. If you don’t make it in tonight, the show runs through Nov. 11. Miracle Theater, 525 SE Stark, Thurs 7:30, Fri-Sat 8 pm, Sun 2 pm, 236-7253, $18-25

You might have received a survey in your mailbox entitled “The Nelson Report.” It’s not surprising it doesn’t say who it’s from, since it’s actually from Mark Nelson—a lobbyist for big tobacco, a.k.a. Oregonians Against the Blank Check. He was burned in September for sending out a misleading letter, which appeared to be personally written by an elementary school teacher, but was actually sent out by Nelson.

A reader alerted us to this survey and suggested it might be called The Nelson Report to purposely mislead people into believing it’s from Nielson Media Research, the company in charge of the television rating system, Nielson Ratings.

The Nelson Report is also the name of a daily briefing on international events, written by Chris Nelson.

Since Mark Nelson is a sneaky tobacco lobbyist, I suggest tossing that survey in the recycling bin.

-Jennifer Furniss

Bless you, sweet internet. Thanks to your series of tubes, I’m able to find out way too much about Tim Kasher and The Good Life.

Look! There is Kasher in the hospital, talking about Phish, rambling about Texas politics, sharing a story regarding his childhood underwear, or showing off his acting chops (and chest writing skills) in a weird skit about poison.

The Good Life performs at the Doug Fir tonight, it will be online tomorrow.

A third alleged pervo-cop has been placed on paid administrative leave by the Portland Police Bureau in connection with allegations made this morning in the Tribune (which is running the story below the “fold” on its website because its Christian owner and puppet editors love the police—great story, regardless, Nick Budnick. Congratulations!).
PERVO COPS: Uniform? Check. Nightstick? Check. Ethics? Er…

Officer Jason Faulk, a 10-year veteran of the police bureau, is alleged to have taken advantage of an autistic woman who first called on the police for help. Budnick writes:

Faulk responded to the call, took the woman’s information, and returned with the report late that night. According to [the woman’s attorney], Faulk stopped by her client’s residence on a regular basis over the next six weeks, usually late at night and “ostensibly” for follow-up. The two allegedly had sex twice in the period from mid-July to early August. Following the second time, Creighton said, they went to a pharmacy and a security video appears to show him paying for the “morning-after” pill. [The woman’s attorney] also alleged that on both days they had sex, Faulk showed up at the woman’s house in uniform.

The Tribune story follows the resignation last Friday of Officer Matthew Kohnke after he pled guilty to official misconduct amidst accusations of preying sexually on at least four transient women. Officer John Wood resigned last November after asking to look at women’s underwear during traffic stops. Chief Sizer released a statement this morning confirming Faulk’s suspension on September 11, 2007, but said she could not comment further until the case is adjudicated.
CHARMING YOUNG MAN: Officer Faulk’s 2000 Yearbook Photo, courtesy of Portland Copwatch…

A grand jury will meet next Wednesday to decide whether to indict Faulk for sexually assaulting the woman, and the woman’s attorney, Beth Creighton, is holding a press conference this afternoon to discuss the allegations.

Portland, do we have a problem?

Local actor Tall Matt Haynes (currently appearing in the Miracle Theatre’s excellent La Carpa del Ausente—more on that later) of the Portland Area Theatre Alliance has put together an interesting project: A cookbook composed of recipes from local theater artists, busy folks who are accustomed to preparing quick meals that can be “packed easily into a tupperware container and transported in a backpack” and “enjoyed in the break room or greenroom, even if there are only fridges and microwaves to work with.”

I really like this idea. I eat a lot of meals out of tupperware, and the old veggie curry and rice standby gets a little old. Plus, 100% of the proceeds go to the Valentine Fund, established by PATA in 1987 to provide financial assistance to members of the theater community during “times of medical or personal emergency.” The book is $25 through the website and includes over 60 recipes. Support your local theater artists. Hit PATA’s website for ordering info.

If you’ve been waiting for a chance to brain up on contemporary art, the next three days offer opportunities galore:

Things begin very shortly with a noon lecture today at Weiden Kennedy ( 224 NW 13th) by German photographer Oliver Boberg. Somewhat like fellow countryman Thomas Demand, Boberg creates small models based on real sites that he then photographs, creating simulacrum-rich photographs of banal spots.

Later tonight, Larry Rinder, Dean of the Grad School at the California College of Arts and former Whitney curator, will lecture at PNCA (1241 NW Johnson, 6:30 pm, free). Rinder is in town in conjunction with New Work from Recent Graduates of the California College of the Arts, which he curated for the Elizabeth Leach Gallery.

Tomorrow afternoon, Reed College hosts legendary Conceptual artist and sculptor Tom Marioni , who is responsible for terrifically named pieces, such as “The Art of Drinking Beer with Friends is the Highest Form of Art” and “Bird, Running and Jumping With a Pencil, Marking the Paper while Trying to Fly.” Marioni will speak at Reed’s Eliot Hall (3203 SE Woodstock), at 4:30, Saturday Nov 3.

Sunday, master printer Kathan Brown, founder of the seminal Crown Point Press, visits the Portland Art Museum to talk about working with artists like Chuck Close (who currently has a major print show at PAM). Crown Point has worked with a veritable who’s who of late 20th century artists, including Christian Boltanski, Dan Flavin, Julie Mehretu, Ed Ruscha, and Kiki Smith, so that hopefully translates into an interesting lecture from Brown. That happens at the art museum, 1219 SW Park, at 2 pm this Sunday, and costs $5-10.

And if all that only leaves you hungry for more, Monday night, Portland mainstay Brad Adkins is on deck at PSU’s Monday Night Lecture Series. Over the past several years, beginning with his involvement in Charmbracelet, Adkins has ascended as a serious artist to contend with in his own right, with a seemingly bottomless well spring of ideas and a dedication to his craft. PSU’s Monday Night Lectures happen weekly at Fifth Avenue Cinemas, 510 SW Hall, at 7:30 pm. And they’re always free.

Rural counties are still kicking Multnomah County’s ass when it comes to voter turnout this year. Let’s turn in some ballots, shall we?

The Bus Project has put together a handy Google map of ballot drop off locations. Turn it in by Tuesday night at 8 pm, with a YES vote on every measure!

Want to go the extra mile this weekend? The Bus Project’s also a hub for get out the vote canvassing events, like tomorrow’s “Walk, Talk, Knock and Kickball for Measure 49.” Contact them to get involved.

Love can make you do crazy things. Especially if you’re Darth Vader, and you’re distracted from doing your job by a hot ‘n’ sexy pink Lady Vader!
(This is SO nicely done!)

Thanky, RT!

Sheriff Bernie Giusto is promising a rebuttal to allegations that he’s repeatedly lied to the public. He’s also blaming the media for their coverage of the case. Hmm, could he be talking about us?

Three hundred and forty one Frightline employees in Oregon will be forced to move to South Carolina to keep their jobs.

A former employee at Oprah Winfrey’s school has been arrested for abuse charges.

Pirates who hijacked a Japanese tanker are telling a U.S. war ship to “back off.” The U.S. is asking Captain Jack Sparrow to intervene in this crisis.

Strange photos from the woods of Pennsylvania—is it a big foot or a bear with a skin infection? I vote for … BIG FOOT!!

Two weeks ago I wrote an extraordinarily paranoid blog post about new sprinklers in Waterfront park. Blogtown readers told me I was acting like a parody of myself and they were right. I was. And I’ve even said sorry to a few people about it. As Churchill said, “I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.”

Still—following up from my baseless, prematurely-voiced suspicion that an eight-head sprinkler system may have been installed in the park as a way to deter homeless people from sleeping there, (NOT TRUE! NOT TRUE! NOT TRUE!) I made a Federal Open Information Act request to the city, asking for copies of theoretically public records relating to the park in question.

Now, whether or not I’m a paranoid idiot who should be focused on other things (which I am), or becoming fanatical about my pursuit of the Portland Business Alliance (becoming…?), guess how much the city wants to charge to furnish me with that information? Oh, shit. I wrote it in the headline. Is that right? Or do you think my unhealthy fixation should be more cheaply sated?SPOT THE DIFFERENCE: Two kinds of paper trail…

More after the jump. But be warned, I quote Churchill again. Twice.

The paranoid basis of my journalistic hunch, vociferously denied by Saltzman's office, and I'm sure, rightly so, was that the Portland Business Alliance/its Clean & Safe program may have lobbied in some way for the sprinkler system to be installed as a deterrent to camping, rather than just to re-seed the lawn after a busy summer.

Seriously, I'm not kidding, this is the hunching of a conspiracy theorist, and if I were you, I'd be writing a letter to the editor about my ineffectiveness right about now. It was Churchill, too, who said: "We are masters of the unsaid words, but slaves of those we let slip out," and really, I'm a slave to nonsense on this issue. Why are you still even reading?

Nevertheless, on the basis of that hunch—and hey, what the hell else am I supposed to work with, the facts???—I wrote the city asking it to search for the term "Waterfront Park" in any public record email received by or sent to the following addresses between 9/18/2007 and 10/18/2007:

Mark Warrington, Portland Parks & Rec
Margaret Evans, PP&R
Lisa Turpel, PP&R
Zari Santer, PP&R
Dan Saltzman (basically, the Commissioner's office)
Mike Kuykendall (Portland Business Alliance VP of Central City/Downtown Services)
Bill Sinnott (Director of PBA's Downtown Clean & Safe Services)
Sandra McDonough (PBA's President & CEO)

As I say, my request was the result of paranoia, I'm sure. But I thought, "It can't hurt to have a poke through the paper trail." Because that's a little part of my job, once I've alienated everyone in town by writing sensationalist stories about them nobody trusts, I mean—to noodle through paper trails, looking for something unlikely, sensational, controversial, or just not there. Last Churchill quote for this afternoon: "A man may occasionally stumble over the truth. Most men pick themselves up and keep on going."

If you want to give me $772.20, please, do. Because that's the only way I'm ever going to see those emails. Or, if you happen to work for a RICH, MULTI-NATIONAL media organization and fancy following up on my non-story, you've got to ask yourself one question: Is it worth your while? Probably not.

The reality is, this information will probably never see the light of day, because it isn't effectively public, because I can't afford to see it. Whether or not the information is IMPORTANT is not the issue. Nor is whether I'm a lousy journalist—that's pretty much been decided, right? I just don't think it's healthy for democracy to charge that much to (avoid?) answer(ing?) a question.

I'm not saying I don't trust the people telling me this never happened. What I want is confirmation of my non-story—and a slightly cheaper easing of my cheapened, hackish mind.

King of all Geekdom Joss Whedon—creator of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Firefly—has announced he is returning to television with a brand new show starring Eliza “Faith” Dushku! EEEEEEEE! Nerdgasm squirt! From Variety…

Dushku will star in the Whedon-penned series “Dollhouse,” which has been given a seven-episode order by Fox. Produced by 20th Century Fox TV — the studio also behind “Buffy,” “Angel” and Whedon’s late, lamented “Firefly” — “Dollhouse” follows a top-secret world of people programmed with different personalities, abilities and memories depending on their mission. After each assignment — which can be physical, romantic or even illegal — the characters have their memories wiped clean, and are sent back to a lab (dubbed the “Dollhouse”). Show centers on Dushku’s character, Echo, as she slowly begins to develop some self-awareness, which impacts her missions.

Even better? The series is slated to debut next Fall! (Oh, god… what if it SUCKS??)

In other Nerdgasm News…
• The planned Heroes spin-off entitled Heroes: Origins has been shit-canned because of the planned writers’ strike (although I’m sure crappy ratings may have something to do with it).
• ALSO! The long awaited (don’t ask me by whom) X-Files movie finally has a release date in July 2008. Expect that Matlock movie by 2009!
• AND FINALLY! Though too late for Halloween, I laughed my guts out over this commercial for KISS makeup! (Probably because I once dressed up as Ace.)

According to Pfork, the Decemberists have canceled the rest of their “Long and Short of It” tour, this includes the three Crystal Ballroom dates in December. The cancellations are due to a member of the band falling ill, so we wish them the very best and hope for a speedy recovery.

The chicken strips at the Goodfoot are the best drunk food in town. Discuss.

Today is not only the 65th birthday of Hustler founder Larry Flynt (Happy birthday Larry, you’re like the creepy multi-millionaire uncle I never had.), it’s also the day that Apostle of Hustle(r) passes through Portland. Lead by Andrew Whiteman (guitarist for Broken Social Scene), the band is part of the Canadian indie rock onslaught currently filling our local stages and venues.

Hustler? Hustle?
I know, It’s a stretch, but I just really wanted an excuse to post this Huey Lewis cover.
With me, in the end, it’s all about Huey.

MP3:
Apostle of Hustle - I Wanna New Drug

Apostle of Hustle performs tonight at the Doug Fir.

My all-time main man, David Lynch, teams up with his new buddy Christian Louboutin to provide a beautiful take on fetish shoes. You probably don’t have the scratch to travel to Paris to catch the exhibit at Galerie du Passage, but here’s the next best thing… an internetty slideshow.

Thanks to Jessi for the tip!

Okay, so last night, as I was putting my kid to bed, a teenager came trick or treating at our house. When my wife opened the door, this teen immediately burst into our home, screaming “EAAARRRGGHHHHH!!!” and looking like this…

Thankfully, my wife is tough as nails, threw some candy at him, and shut the door. But let me tell you something, teen: THAT SHIT IS NOT GOING TO FLY. It’s called “Trick or Treat,” not “Rape My Wife or Treat.” If I had been in the room, there’s a good chance you would’ve been on the receiving end of my baseball bat (leaving you with little need for a mask). So next year, NO ONE OVER THE AGE OF 12 GETS TO TRICK OR TREAT. ANYWHERE. Get some toilet paper, and TP your science teacher’s yard. Or pelt the mayor’s house with eggs, like I did at your age. Or smoke some pot… I don’t know. Just keep that Clockwork Orange shit away from my house! SHEESH!

P.S. Now I’m really mad. And you know what happens when Humpy gets mad… he gets Commissioner Randy Leonard to pass an anti-teen trick or treating law! WHO’S WITH ME??

Maria Lisa Johnson, Executive Director of the Latino Network, has sent out a rallying email, urging “leaders from communities of color” to rebuff City Commissioners Randy Leonard, Sam Adams, and Erik Sten’s efforts to sort out the Interstate-Chávez mess by forming a blue ribbon panel on the issue. The panel would likely study a handful of streets—including Interstate—and make a recommendation on which is most fitting for Chávez’ name.

(I chatted with Commissioner Leonard about this idea yesterday. He wouldn’t give up any names of people they’ve spoken with for the panel, but he characterized them as people whose conclusions would be honored and trusted, and who could deftly handle potentially heated public hearings in any corner of the city—Portland’s civic superheros, if you will. We should hear more about this potential panel before the November 14 scheduled vote on Leonard and Adams’ resolution calling for more renaming process.)

Johnson’s not into the idea, as you can see from her note.

Community Leaders, Colleagues, Allies:

Warm greetings to all of you.

Many of you may have been following the process that our community has undergone in our efforts to rename N Interstate Ave after labor leader César E Chavez. The public process as of late has been intensely hostile and openly racist. City Commissioners Leonard, Adams and Sten are now hesitant to support our collective proposal to rename N Interstate and are toying with various resolutions that would lengthen the process or annul it entirely.

We have been informed that these Commissioners are now attempting to form a new naming committee. This strategy is divisive and indicates a lack of respect for our community and for the existing committee’s work in diligently following through with the public process that was unanimously adopted by City Council this past September. Several leaders from communities of color have been approached to join the new committee and have declined out of respect for the existing committee’s work. If you are contacted to join this new committee, I urge you to decline participation.

Please call with any questions. You may reach me on my cell at 971-219-XXXX.

Thank you in advance for your support of our community’s efforts.

Maria Lisa Johnson
Executive Director
Latino Network

c.c./ Cesar E Chavez Blvd. Committee

These are intended for men, and probably don’t come small enough to fit the way I like, which is too bad, because I think these hoodies, at Upper Playground (23 NW 5th) are pretty awesome:

And my very favorite one is after the break. (And there’s more fashion on MOD.)

Another Mercury music section to flip through while you recover from the shock that Dog the Bounty Hunter is a racist. Not cool, brah.

More glorious praise for the inventive pop of Jens Lekman that reveals the secret prize of drive-in bingo—a pig with a ribbon on it!
MP3: Jens Lekman - Friday Night At The Drive-In Bingo

In the time I spend writing this description of Fred Thomas and Saturday Looks Good to Me, he has written 47 songs and record 6 new records. All of which are great.
MP3: Saturday Looks Good to Me - The Americans

The Good Life go all Hollywood on us. Look for photos of the band on TMZ getting out of a car while not wearing underwear.
MP3: The Good Life - Keely Aimee

The Siren Nation takes over Portland for four days in honor of “celebrating women, art and community.” Plus, (holy crap!) a Team Dresch show!
MP3: Team Dresch - Seven

Last night, walking across the Burnside Bridge towards Old Town I came across an impromptu open air Halloween gig in the car park underneath, opposite the old Disjecta building. There were about 150 kids standing around, 3(!) of whom were moshing, while the band thrashed out angry, energetic metal and everybody looked menacing as fuck:DRUMMER IN THE DARK: Scary as a Von Trier movie…

Normally I hate the kind of music the band was playing and I have no idea how to categorize it, which makes me feel old. But there was an energy down there like the rave scene in my country, albeit without the obvious presence of cops. I was 12 when the rave scene got going, so I’m going on second-hand information, but still: I’ve been resisting that “create a fall memory” ad for pumpkin milkshakes—hplergh!—and I’d like to thank these kids for gifting me a better and less creamy, orange alternative.

Got any Halloween photos? Email em to: todayinpdx@portlandmercury.com

• Chrysler plans to cut 12,000 jobs or 15 percent of their workforce, thanks to people not buying their shitty cars.

• An anti-gay Kansas church has been ordered to pay $10.9 million to the family of a deceased Marine after homophobes were cheering at his funeral. They got off cheap.

• Apparently, Veep Dick Cheney is now “okay” with everyone calling him Darth Vader. Wonder how he would feel about being arrested for his crimes against humanity, and then called “My prison bitch”?

• Hot new Hollywood couple Reese Witherspoon and Jake “Not Gay” Gyllenhaal took her kids trick or treating last night in L.A.’s trendy Brentwood neighborhood.

Witherspoon, 31, dressed as a witch; Gyllenhaal, 26, an ape.
“They were holding hands and swinging them in the air as they walked around the neighborhood,” adds a witness, who says Gyllenhaal often lifted up his gorilla mask to smooch his Rendition co-star. “Reese was laughing at everything Jake was saying.”

GROSS!!!

Okay… fine. CUTE!!

Listen to KBOO online right now—or listen on the radio at 90.7fm, and catch Sisters of the Road community organizer Patrick Nolen on the station’s poverty show Hole In The Bucket, talking about the “criminalization of homelessness”:NOLEN: Video didn’t kill his radio star…

Nolen is discussing San Francisco’s attempts to follow Portland down the sit/lie road with the show’s co-host, Michael Anderson from Affordable Housing Now: “People have realized they can hate George Bush but still not want people crapping in their doorway,” it seems.

The truth is, San Francisco is full of yuppie fascist fuckers who want rid of the homeless. But you’re likely to hear a more informed version of that argument if you turn KBOO on, right now. I promise.

Plus, I thought this radio station was full of doobie-smoking hippie losers, but it turns out, they’ve got great taste in bathroom reading, they all seem to look like winners to me, and I haven’t smelt the odor of grass for a SECOND. Seriously:
KBOO’S TOILET: MAKING SMART CHOICES…

Ballots are due in six days, and a paltry 24 percent of Multnomah County’s registered voters have cast a damn ballot. (As of Monday, which is the latest info posted at the Secretary of State’s office, statewide turnout was beating our county’s. That’ll never do.)

What are you waiting for? We’ve made it super easy for you to vote—there are only three bubbles to fill in, and we think you should mark them all YES.

Hurry up. They have to be turned in by Tuesday, 8 pm.

“Fun Size” candies. There’s a misnomer if there ever was one. Everybody knows that a full-sized candy bar is far superior to these miniscule treats which are anything BUT fun. And yet, every stinking year these paltry candies wind up in my Halloween bag. BULLSHIT! Here are the top ten worst fun size candies, in that anyone in their right mind would greatly prefer the full size.

#10 TOOTSIE ROLLS: The only difference between Tootsie Rolls and three-month old dog shit is that one of them is white.

#9 JUNIOR MINTS: Junior Mints are ALREADY small!! What’s so “fun” about a microscopic mint?

#8 M&Ms: Look! They’re trying to distract me with packaging featuring Star Wars characters! Fuck you, Han Solo—give me my M&Ms, asshole!

#7 MARS BAR: Even full size, this candy bar has exactly ZERO taste. Here it has one quarter of ZERO taste.

#6 POP ROCKS: How am I supposed to explode my stomach with these? Newsflash: NOT FUN!

Top five “fun size” candies that aren’t fun, after the leap!

#5 SKITTLES: How can I taste the rainbow, if I can't even see the rainbow?

#4 SNICKERS: It's like having a three-foot tall Abraham Lincoln. That's all I have to say.

#3 & #2 KIT KAT BAR & TWIX: Break me off a piece of that Kit Kat Bar? Sure thing. Can I borrow an atom splitter? (BTW, Twix is Kit Kat's retarded brother.)

1# CHICK-O-STIK: I have no idea what these things are, or what they're made of. From its packaging I assume "chicken," but I could be wrong. Regardless, I want a full size stick of chicken, not a stick-o-chick!

Your comments, please.

Pants on, please, pants on.

My friends over at Nolita (923 NW 10th) are having a best butt contest called Maximus Gluteus—perhaps you’ve noticed an ad for it our paper. If not, I just wanted to encourage everyone to snap a photo of their denim-clad ass (or someone else’s I suppose) and send it in to bestjeansbutt@gmail.com; the deadline is November 22nd, so you have a little bit of time to squeeze in some more lunges. I, along with my fellow judges Jonny Shultz of Q6, stylist Allison Jones, photographer Matthew Brush, Nolita’s Katy Kippen, and my own Pilates instructor Lori Midrano will determine which contestant has the best butt, and the lucky winner will get a shopping spree in Nolita’s premium denim department, Brazilian butt lifting classes (which I highly recommend) at Lori’s Core Essence Studio, or a shopping trip with Allison. So go on, show me your butt. It’s for your own benefit. If you need inspiration, I recommend this web site.

In honor of the scariest day of the year, I present you with the single most frightening song ever.

MP3:
DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince - A Nightmare On My Street

See? Freddy Krueger killed Jazzy Jeff and that is why we haven’t heard from him in 15 years. Right?

As a professional I think so-called “citizen journalism” devalues our profession, and imbues false hope in amateurs without the drive to commit, full-time. But then, I would say that. WARNING/APOLOGY: THIS POST INCLUDES FLASHING TEXT AND .GIF IMAGES. SORRY…
CITIZEN JOURNALISM: Cynical way for media to exploit free “talent”…

There’s an interesting debate kicking off on Kevin Allman’s blog about the millionaire Ariana Huffington’s new citizen journalism project, “Off the bus.” Huffington has hired an editorial director, Marc Cooper, to keep her leagues of unpaid citizinterns in check, but Allman’s been rhetorically kicking the shit out of Cooper since yesterday for relying on free labor to keep himself employed. Cooper, clearly feeling somewhat threatened, has even responded directly.

Here’s the thing: You don’t get citizen police officers, or citizen chefs, or citizen doctors, or citizen presidents, or citizen politicians. Yes, there’s Citizen Kane, but that was a MOVIE. You don’t see citizen parking attendants (“I just sort of got into it…”) or hobbying attorneys (public defenders excepted). Likewise: Reporters are professionals. And like neurosurgeons, we know EXACTLY WHAT WE’RE DOING AT ALL TIMES. See what I mean? Hang on a sec…wait for it…
THE GRINNING CAT GIF: Match that, Citizenshits!

I hereby move to ditch this “citizen journalism” bollocks. Allman even goes so far as to suggest citizen journalists might want to “unionize,” an opinion for which he should clearly be deported or at the very least, arrested in the middle of the night and disappeared. Meanwhile I’m off for a glass of lukewarm water, to reflect on my career.

Google Image Result: “Funny Halloween Costume”

The Pix stores on Division and Williams will be giving away free chocolate tonight to anyone in costume, starting at 5 pm (“caramel almond truffles,” the Division store told me when I called). So if you’re “too old” or “too big” to trick or treat in the neighborhoods, don’t let the sizeists/ageists get you down: Pix has what you need. Kids welcome too, presumably.

Speaking of neighborhoods, when I was a kid in the ‘burbs, we always headed to Bull Mountain to score king-sized candy bars from the rich folks. What are the best Portland neighborhoods to trick-or-treat in? This is my first Halloween in Buckman, is anyone going to come to my house?

And for more on trick-or-treating, and how the candy lobby has smeared their sticky fingers on the very time/space fabric of our reality, check out this post from the Times’ City Room blog:

City Room was convinced that the conspiracy theory that Halloween was a critical part of the Congressional debate to extend daylight saving time was one of those questionable Halloween myths, like razors in apples or pins in candy.

Not so. City Room should learn never to underestimate the weirdness of the city to our south. Turns out, senators were truly concerned about that extra hour of daylight and its impact on children’s pedestrian safety, going so far as to propose a Halloween Safety Act (various studies show that kids are significantly more likely to hit and killed on Halloween than any other day).

The candy lobby also played a significant role in pushing Halloween into daylight saving time, believing that extra hour of trick-or-treating in daylight would spur more candy sales but arguing that it would decrease deaths, according to Michael Downing, the author of the Spring Forward: The Annual Madness of Daylight Saving Time, an amusing book about the myths and realities behind daylight saving time.

Ready to ease yourself into the onslaught of indie holiday craft fairs? Well, if you’re going to be out and about the pearl district tomorrow night for First Thursday, you can do just that. The folks at Crafty Wonderland (21 different vendors, to be exact) will be at the Museum of Contemporary Craft selling handmade wares. There will also be a Dia de los Muertos themed DIY table where you can create a little something-something to take home with you. More details here.

Most Portlanders will remember the Church of Elvis—a kitschy, folksy, tribute to the King and to wackiness in general that shuttered its doors five or six years ago. Tomorrow night, the unforgettable proprietess Stephanie G. Pierce is hosting three “multimedia performances” and book readings at the Louisa Apartments in the Pearl. (Peirce just published eight “books,” which are palm-sized stapled tracts that make my crappy high school zines look like McSweeney’s.) The events are free, but you have to reserve a seat: Readings are at 6, 7, & 8 pm and are limited to 25 people each. Says the press release:

Each member of the audience will receive an autographed copy of one of my books, a Church of Elvis magnet, and a 3D Psychic Calendar for the Year 2008. Cherry 7-Up, Animal Crackers, and Marshmallow Dip provided at no extra charge!!

Your Friend, Stephanie G. Pierce, “Artist to the Stars,” will be reading from her lovely books with the illustrations projected on the fancy big screen TV in the Party Room at the Louisa Apartments.

Marshmallow dip in the TV room at some apartment complex: Sounds about right to us. To make reservations, call 226-3671 or type celebrityspokesmodel@yahoo.com

To help celebrate our favorite of holidays, Halloween, let’s check out one of the audience’s favorite acts from last Friday’s PIZZAZZ competition. Don’t want to ruin it for you… but what’s there to ruin? It involves two accordianists, a Bonnie Tyler song, and a bloody unicorn. Ladies and gentlemen, “Della May and the Apocalypse Unicorn!”

Last night’s season opener found a scrappy Blazers team holding their own against the best team on the planet, before finally falling in defeat 106-97. The team looked a lot better than they should have, considering their lack of experience and the fact that they were playing a team who—minutes before tipoff, were presented with fancy championship rings.

The Blazers travel to New Orleans to play the Hornets on Friday, where they’ll take on Chris Paul, Peja Stojakovic and Marcus Vinicius, who is not a classical guitar player from Italy.

The Pipettes take a trip Beyond the Valley of the Dolls in this video for “Pull Shapes.” It’s fitting that they are here on Halloween and wearing the costume of a Spector girl group (or any of the bands from the best boxset I have ever heard) from the ’60s. They’re no the Carrie Nations, but this single is still pretty flawless.

The Pipettes perform at the Wonder Ballroom tonight.

Dennis Kucinich continues his march to the White House, admitting during last night’s Democratic debate that he once saw a UFO over Shirley MacLaine’s house. Not to be outdone, Hillary Clinton said she was once bitten by a zombie.

Breaking news: Brittney Spears is a “selfish mom.”

No sex on Singapore Airplanes!

It’s a sad, sad day. Robert Goulet is dead.

One of Portland’s most prominent civil rights activists linked gentrification to racial profiling by police at a lunchtime lecture at Portland State University today.
GENTRIFICATION: Nasty business…nasty consequences…

Jo Ann Bowman of Oregon Action and SE precinct commander Derrick Foxworth, both speaking at the lunch, were asked by a student: “Does the Portland Police Bureau do more policing in North/Northeast Portland or the West Hills and Lake Oswego?”

Foxworth responded by saying police bureau resources are deployed to hot-spots and in response to community complaints, and that you’re likely to find more police contacts in areas where there’s more complaints. He couldn’t comment on Lake Oswego, because it’s not in the PPB’s jurisdiction. “But I expect they do things differently there,” he added.

Then Bowman chimed in, saying that in NE Portland, “as the community started changing, the police started coming more often.” “When new people came to the neighborhood and they saw three black teenagers standing on a street corner, obviously that’s a gang, right? So rather than going next door and introducing themselves, they called the police.”

Bowman told the crowd that Foxworth had complained to her he’d been forced to deploy more resources in NE Portland in response to community complaints when he was commander of that precinct prior to becoming chief. Foxworth wouldn’t be drawn into the discussion, but conceded, “You do have to do that.”

Bowman and Foxworth also disagreed on whether pretext stops—where an officer might use a broken tail light or a missed signal at a turn as an excuse to stop a vehicle, and then develop probable cause for a search—are acceptable.

Bowman wants legislative change to make pretext stops illegal, but Foxworth said pretext stops “are a valuable investigative tool that law enforcement needs to respond to community concerns.”

Bowman said that’s “the same justification the police used for the exclusion zones—that they’re a useful tool for community livability.” The zones were got rid of at the end of September when research commissioned by the mayor’s office found them to be racist in application.

How have I lived 29 years without seeing Troll 2?

Supposedly the film is so bad that it now has its own cult following, late night screenings, and a very interested documentary, titled Best Worst Movie, due out next year.

Nilbog! It’s goblin spelled backwards! This is their kingdom!

Have you ordered your Mayor Tom “Irrelevant” Potter t-shirt yet? Don’t be the last kid on the block to wear one.

Or, might I suggest a thong? That way, if you have to do any business with Mayor Irrelevant, you can hide your true feelings under your pants.

Get yours soon—before Potter is so beyond irrelevant, this joke isn’t even funny anymore.

(P.S.—we aren’t making a dime off these shirts, but a buck per shirt goes to Sisters of the Road, our soon-to-be-officially-announced 2007 Holiday Auction recipient.)

A few months ago, one of my favorite songs of all time popped up on my iPod: Crime Mob’s “Knuck if You Buck.” (mp3 here. listen at your own risk.)Recorded when the Atlanta rappers were still high school age, the song makes me feel all wild and charged up inside, or as I told my girlfriend, “This song always makes me want to stab somebody.”

It looks like I’m not alone, and that if I were to shiv somebody while this song is playing, I could find an attorney to blame Crime Mob for my actions.

A Virginia teenager who claimed a song by Atlanta-based group Crime Mob fueled him to kill another teen was sentenced to 30 years in prison for second-degree murder yesterday (January 9).

According to The Richmond Times Dispatch, Marvin M. Parker fatally stabbed Baron P. Braswell II during a melee at a party last year on January 20. Authorities claimed the playing of the group’s song “Knuck If You Buck” during an ongoing scuffle, revved up the crowd and lead to a bigger skirmish.

During the commotion, Braswell, who had been knocked down and stomped after brawling with another teen, crossed paths with Parker, who stabbed him in his chest and shoulder.

“The playing of ‘Knuck If You Buck’ combined with testosterone, teenage impulsiveness, a fight in progress and Parker’s past criminal actions created a ‘witches brew’ that night,” Charles C. Cosby Jr . , Parker’s attorney, told Judge Ann Hunter Simpson of Spotsylvania County Circuit Court before his client’s sentencing.

“The finger of guilt points to our society as well,” Cosby added.

See also this story of “Knuck if You Buck” inciting a bunch of Harvard students to brawl.

*I really did say that “Knuck” makes me want to stab someone. The other song that inspires that feeling is “Old Time Rock and Roll” by Bob Seger, but for entirely different reasons.

Time was, whenever the quarterly lobbying reports came out, we could all howl at the funny gifts our city officials were receiving. (Pearl necklace, anyone?) But with each new report, it seems that our city leaders have either started turning away gifts or are no longer being offered them.

Yesterday evening, the auditor’s office released the latest batch of quarterly reports and, I’m sad to say, they’re pretty snoozy. In the “gifts” report, we know that Willamette Week flooded Sam Adams’ office with MusicFestNW wristbands, Police Chief Rosie Sizer got $75 worth of Voodoo Donuts, apparently as a prop for a charity calendar photo shoot (ummm?), Ikea gave $75 gift baskets to every commissioner except Randy Leonard, and Mayor Potter got two tickets to the Royal Rosian Prime Minister’s Ball—he “read (a) proclamation, but did not stay for dinner or the rest of the program.”

But the real gem is this: The Portland Business Alliance’s Mike Kuykendall gave Randy Leonard a “stuffed pig (and) a Framed Lithograph of Portland Mercury Cartoon depicting Randy and Mike Kuykendall Wrestling, with Randy depicted as a pig, and Mayor Potter as the referee.”

Oh, you mean this?

Even more bad news: Of the 24 organizations that were required to report as lobbyists during the last quarter, all but six are listed as “exempt” from the detailed reporting requirements. Want to know why Singer Properties or OHSU or PGE or NW Natural were shaking down city leaders? Too bad—they managed to come in under the 16-hour threshold.

As previously mentioned, last Friday’s PIZZAZZ talent show was a goddamn hoot of epic proportions. And as proof, we’re going to feature videos of a few of the audience’s favorite acts over the next few days—starting with MY slam-bang opening number, in which I sing Avril Lavigne’s “Girlfriend” backed by our house band “Pizzazzter!”
I would say “enjoy”… but how could you not?

Since Blogtown is the best damn blog on the planet, we’re giving you a chance to win tickets (for you and a guest) to the West Coast Premiere of Todd Haynes’ I’m Not There. Very loosely based on the life of Jakob Bob Dylan, the film (which won all sorts of awards at the Venice Film Festival) features a half-dozen different people in the role of Dylan. The special screening is a benefit for Outside In, the generous social service agency that is dedicated to assisting homeless teens.

The screening is at 6:30pm on November 4th, at Cinema 21.

Here’s how you win:
Tell me about your favorite Bob Dylan song in 100 words or less. Simple as that. I have 5 passes (each +1) to giveaway, so the best (and most creative) entries will win. Oh, the deadline is 4pm today. Good luck.

Good news: Just got a phonecall from Eric Bechard, head chef at the Alberta Street Oyster Bar, who let me know that they’ll be re-opening under new ownership as of Nov. 9. According to Bechard, they originally closed not because the restaurant itself wasn’t turning a profit, but due to the financial mismanagement of the previous owner (high-interest credit cards, etc). After they closed a couple months ago, Bechard hit the streets looking for a new owner who would be willing to purchase the restaurant (while keeping the name, staff, and concept) and he found one in Bruce Kaad, a long-time Portlander who also owns the Melody Ballroom.

They’ll be re-opening on Fri, Nov. 9 at 4:30 pm, and after that open Wed-Sun. Same happy hour, same dinner format, and Bechard told me that about 80% of the staff will return as well, including the front of the house manager, sous chef, and bartenders. 3500 NE Alberta, 284-9600.

Not really. I only wrote that headline to scoop the Portland Tribune. But here’s an article on AOL about efforts to do just that, around the country:

…in several cities, from Trenton, N.J. to Louisiana. And legislation exists in some towns that could mean fines or even jail time if you bust a sag. Laws are still pending in Dallas and Atlanta, but laws have already been passed in several other Georgia and Louisiana cities. Some places, including Virgina, have tried to pass laws banning saggy pants and been ridiculed and laughed at. In the small Louisiana town of Delcambre, a glimpse of boxers or the bare buttocks can lead to a $500 fine and six months in jail.

The NAACP and ACLU (who the Tribune’s readers will undoubtedly dub “communists” when they read this) say it’s clear-cut racial profiling. And flat wrong. But what’s more frightening is 35% of poll respondents (3378 people!) on the AOL site think “the laws are a good idea.” 7% are “not sure.” And they say America has an “education system.” Sheesh:
BAGGY PANTS: A sure sign of criminal intent…

Thanks to Tom Peavey with the mayor’s Gang Violence Task Force for forwarding the link. Speaking of racial profiling, former Police Chief Derrick Foxworth—who is currently suing the city for racial discrimination in his demotion last year—will be addressing PSU students on the subject today at noon, in PSU’s Smith Center Multicultural Center, rm 228. Eenteresting…

The Portland Trail Blazers kickoff the NBA season tonight in a nationally televised game (5pm on TNT, they “know drama”) against the world champion San Antonio Spurs.

Q: If the Blazers win this game, do they automatically become NBA champions?
A: Yes! That is how it works. Once the team wins tonight they can snatch the championship ring right off this guy’s finger.

But the Blazers probably won’t win, not tonight, and not too often. They are too young, too injured and lacking the scoring power to win more games than they lose. But they will be damn exciting to watch, and next year, oh just you wait…

I predicted 36 wins for the team, make your guess in the comments section.

In one of the more bizarre promotions I’ve ever heard, TACO BELL has weirdly agreed to give everyone in America a free taco if a base was stolen during the 2007 World Series. And guess what? ONE WAS. So head on down to your local Taco Bell TODAY (Tuesday, Oct 30) for your free taco. (Or you can just fall face first into a baby’s dirty diaper… whichever you prefer.)

Yeah… I know. But tell a homeless person! From what I understand, they’re Americans too!

1.BURN! EEE! GIUSTO! Our soon-to-be former sheriff lied about our former governor’s sexual abuse of a 14-year-old girl, say state investigators. I don’t mean to sound ageist, but I reckon pretty much everyone Bernie’s age must have heard about it, too. (coughKulongoskicoughcough) (coughrefusedtoappearinpersonbeforestateinvestigatorscoughcough) (coughsenthisattorneysinsteadcough). Still, I don’t want an alleged accessory to sex abuse running our jail system. With him for a boss, it’s no wonder some of his nastier deputies are beating the shit out of inmates with impunity. I’m still loving this photo from the O’s website:GOLDY AND BERNY: “That’s right, baby, I’m going to ruin your life…”

2.IMMUNITY! State Department officials offered Blackwater Guards immunity in the investigation of their shooting of 17 Iraqis last month. The state department officials didn’t have the authority to do that, but as if anybody ever expected anything to come of this? Private security wrecks lives, kids.

3.INDONESIA! President Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono has released an album called “Rinduku Padamu,” which means, “My Longing for You.” Cbc quotes him as saying this:

“Music and culture could even be developed jointly as ‘soft power’ to be used in persuasive communication for the handling of problems, making it unnecessary to employ ‘hard power.”

Indeed.

4.CHESSBOARD KILLER! Aleksand Y.Pichushkin wanted to kill 64 people. He gets life in prison, claiming to have killed 63. I don’t know about you, but if I were his prison guard, I’d be shitting myself he was gonna yell “check-mate” and come at me with a shank.

5.FAKE FIRE! A dirty, cheating son-of-a-bitch communications director, John P.Philbin, has lost his new job as director of public affairs for the Federal Emergency Management Agency after calling a fake press conference last week about the California wildfires, substituting his own agency staff for real reporters, and having them ask extremely soft questions. “Are you happy with FEMA’s response so far?” one asked. Sounds like a press conference with Tom Potter. “I won’t be taking questions!” Well, sir, then we won’t ask any, and we’re awfully sorry to have imposed.

Good day!

After last week, more today. Just quit already, Bernie. And take the mayor of Portland with you when you do?

Just a reminder, the Wordstock-inspired Literary Trivia night series that Chas mentioned here a couple weeks ago kicks off tonight. Bookish types going head to head on literature, poetry, grammar, vocab, theater, and comics… hot! I only wish there was a YA category, so I could finally wow the world with my unnervingly detailed knowledge of out-of-print children’s book series. Someday…

Tonight’s throwdown is at Greater Trumps, 9 pm sharp, free; I’ll throw the press release after the jump.

Portland Pubs vs. Book Worms
-Literary Quiz Nights to Take Place Throughout Portland-

WHAT: In honor of Portland’s upcoming three-day Wordstock festival, the famed Shannon Donaldson of ShanRock’s Triviology, is hosting Literary Quiz Nights at some of the city’s best bars. The quizzes are dedicated to the written word and will be open to anyone who dare take the literary challenge.

Literary quizzes will be composed of seven short rounds, giving team’s instant gratification and the glory of being declared the nights “Biggest Book Worm”. Players will have the chance to answer questions in the categories of: literature, poetry, grammar, vocabulary, theater, and comics.

WHY: Quiz nights are taking place in celebration of Portland’s own literary festival, Wordstock. This year’s festival will take place November 9 – 11, 2007 and includes workshops, lectures and readings by more than 150 notable authors, as well as a children’s stage. The event benefits the Community of Writers, a professional development program for K-12 teachers that seeks to improve student writing performance by training and supporting teachers of writing.

WHERE/ Monday, October 29 / 9 p.m.: Greater Trumps (39th and Hawthorne)
WHEN: Sunday, November 4 / 7 p.m.: Albina Green (5128 N. Albina)
Monday, November 5 / 8 p.m.: Hawthorne Hideaway (2221 SE Hawthorne)
Tuesday, November 6 / 7:30 p.m.: Sewickly’s Addition (4901 SE Hawthorne)
Wednesday, November 7 / 8 p.m.: Peter’s 19th Hole (5701 NE Fremont)
Thursday, November 8 / 9 p.m.: La Merde (301 SE Morrison)

COST: Free

Hollywood turned out in full force for last weekend’s Halloween parties… but can you name the celebrity that’s underneath this completely horrifying clown makeup?

The answer may surprise you… after the leap!

OMG, it's Neil Patrick Harris, aka Doogie Howser! I knew there had to be something scarier than a child gynecologist.