Live from the Interpol concert Blazers vs Sacramento Kings game, I am making Blogtown™ history by live blogging an event that is not related to City Hall, Interstate Ave or Scott Moore’s beard.

See? I’m live in the Rose Garden ready for the Blazers preseason game number four. Brandon Roy, bad heel and all, is set to start, his first action all year. He’ll be taking on the underachieving Kings, home of record label mogul Ron Artest.

First Quarter:
Speaking of "hot" and "action," the girlfriend of Paul Allen is gorgeous. Who knew being a billionaire would help with the ladies?

Kings coach Reggie Theus has a daughter who stars in BET reality show Baldwin Hills, which is like the African-American version of The Hills. According to that site, she says "I’m not the average promiscuous teenage girl. I’m very spiritually connected, and I have a lot of morals that prevent me from that type of activity." Well, Paul Allen wants no part of you then.

Blazers win the tip! UNSTOPPABLE!

Aldridge drains a turnaround jumper, something he'll be doing all season long. 2-0.

The Blazers just score and they play a snippet of "I Love LA." Weird.

After a series of sloppy turnovers, Aldridge boxes out three Kings to get the rebound and then the foul. Brad Miller fouled him, maybe he misses his cornrows.

5:54 - Sloppy turnover from a midair Roy who bounces the ball of Aldridge's hand. The Kings call timeout, while Coach Theus scans the crowd looking for the jerk who just blogged about his daughter not being promiscuous.

4:47 Brand Roy looks rusty, and a little outmatched. Plus Mike Bibby just fouled him in order to strip him off the ball, but the ref's whistle must not have been working. A shame! 12-9 Kings.

3:22 B.Roy gets an impressive "and one" and on the other side of the court Ron Artest comically watches the ball roll by him.

2:14 Timeout, a perfect time to ponder why the pre-game blimp giveaway was a copy of the new Scorpions record, Humanity - Hour 1.

0:48 Aldridge gets a well-deserved boomshackalacka with a mighty dunk off a Jarrett Jack steal.

End of the first quarter: 21-19 Blazers. Hey not bad for a sloppy start, and I'm not even bored from blogging during a sporting event.

Second Quarter
10:30 Kings miss their 3rd (4th?) layup. They make those, they'd be winning. 24-19 Blazers. Casey from the Willamette Week just high-fived Blaze the Trail Cat, the team mascot.

8:04 Missed layup number five for Sacramento, it leads to a quick Outlaw bucket. 29-23 Blazers.

6:24 Martel for three then an boneheaded offensive foul by the Kings' John Salmons, which leads to Sergrio Rodriguez making a ridiculous layup. 36-29 Blazers

5:16 Maloof spotting! The Kings owners are in the building, no doubt prepping for their Billionaire Battle against Paul Allen during halftime.

5:09 Someone hits Webster in the nuts during a loose ball scramble. What a trooper, he's staying in the game. I'd be out for the year playing Halo 2 right now at Greg Oden's house if I was him.

2:45 Great ball rotation by the red and black leads to a long two from Jack. You can blame Rodriguez for that one. 45-35 Blazers.

1:52 Isaac Brock spotting!

Halftime - 47-39 Blazers. Halftime show featuring 6th grade girls basketball. I wonder if I could bring a beer into press row?

Third Quarter

10:40 WIthout Kevin Martin, the Kings are not going to get their Chalupas. This team needs scoring help. Artest? Hello?

8:22 Poor Webster, first the nards and now he gets clawed in the face (or eyes) and had to flee the court for the locker room. 58-43 Blazers

6:40 Mike Bibby flies 4 rows into the crowd, then gets a technical foul. 62-45 Blazers

6:15 The Kings need scorers, and barring a run, they are cooked. And in equally as troubling news, Reggie Theus' slacks do not match his dress coat. Not to get all George Zimmer on him, but not cool, dude.

4:49 Ladies and gents, the art of Casey from the WW. To me, it looks like Beavis in a Blazers uniform. Oh, and Brad Miller gets a technical foul, probably upset that Casey didn't draw a picture of him. 67-49 Blazers.

2:23 Travis Outlaw does a fancy reversal dunk. The crowd seems to enjoy that more than a 19-foot jump shot. Go figure. 72-56 Blazers.

2:03 Injury report. It gets handed to me on a piece of paper, how rad is that? Webster just got six stitches above his right eye, yet is likely to return. It's pre-season dude, take the night off. Liars are playing right now over at Memorial, go and check them out. The team doesn't really need you right now.

End of the third quarter, 76-58 Blazers. Blaze the Trail Cat preps his "first dunk of the season." He makes it. Why not a sensible jumpshot? Two points is two points, buddy.

Fourth Quarter:

10:24 That might be the biggest alley-oop dunk I have ever seen in this arena, Jack to Webster, and it was capped by a delay of game warning for hanging on the rim. 81-60 Blazers.

8:45 Joel Przybilla gets posterized. Blazers timeout and the team dancers are dancing to a mashup of Jet and Lenny Kravitz, this is the worst moment of the evening. 83-65 Blazers.

7:03 Outlaw rejects a shot over Paul Allen's head. Well played, young man. 87-67 Blazers.

5:58 T-shirt air gun time. Scantily clad women fire clothing to people via slingshot and air gun. The terrorists are right, we are horrible people.

3:40 Oh, hello Chris Ellis. Fancy seeing you on the court.

1:31 The crowd chants for a chalupa, but no luck so far. 98-77 Blazers.

0:48 Smell the chalupa, for it is time! 101-77 Blazers

FINAL! Blazers 101-77 victory!

And with that, I am done.