Three people alleging their first and/or fourth amendment rights were broken by the Portland Police Bureau will announce their plans to sue in half an hour, and one person will file a tort claim notice against the city. It’s not quite four lawsuits in one day, but I’m going to adapt the lyrics to the Crowded House song regardless—by simply replacing the word “seasons” with the word “lawsuits.” Police spokesman Brian Schmautz, please pay close attention to the line about “smiling as the shit comes down…”!CROWDED HOUSE: Four SEASONS in One Day…

Four lawsuits in one day
Lying in the depths of your imagination
Worlds above and worlds below
The sun shines on the black clouds hanging over the domain

Even when you’re feeling warm
The temperature could drop away
Like four lawsuits in one day

Smiling as the shit comes down
You can tell a man from what he has to say
Everything gets turned around
And I will risk my neck again, again

You can take me where you will
Up the creek and through the mill
All the things you cant explain
Four lawsuits in one day

Blood dries up
Like rain, like rain
Fills my cup
Like four lawsuits in one day

It doesnt pay to make predictions
Sleeping on an unmade bed
Finding out wherever there is comfort there is pain
Only one step away
Like four lawsuits in one day

Blood dries up
Like rain, like rain
Fills my cup
Like four lawsuits in one day

As I mentioned, one of the “lawsuits” is actually a tort claim. But since when did we let accuracy affect our perceptions of the Portland Police Bureau. Joke. Just kidding, Officer. Honestly. No, don’t arrest me…it’s unconstitutional…OW! STOP PUNCHING ME IN THE FACE!