Time was, whenever the quarterly lobbying reports came out, we could all howl at the funny gifts our city officials were receiving. (Pearl necklace, anyone?) But with each new report, it seems that our city leaders have either started turning away gifts or are no longer being offered them.

Yesterday evening, the auditor’s office released the latest batch of quarterly reports and, I’m sad to say, they’re pretty snoozy. In the “gifts” report, we know that Willamette Week flooded Sam Adams’ office with MusicFestNW wristbands, Police Chief Rosie Sizer got $75 worth of Voodoo Donuts, apparently as a prop for a charity calendar photo shoot (ummm?), Ikea gave $75 gift baskets to every commissioner except Randy Leonard, and Mayor Potter got two tickets to the Royal Rosian Prime Minister’s Ball—he “read (a) proclamation, but did not stay for dinner or the rest of the program.”

But the real gem is this: The Portland Business Alliance’s Mike Kuykendall gave Randy Leonard a “stuffed pig (and) a Framed Lithograph of Portland Mercury Cartoon depicting Randy and Mike Kuykendall Wrestling, with Randy depicted as a pig, and Mayor Potter as the referee.”

Oh, you mean this?

Even more bad news: Of the 24 organizations that were required to report as lobbyists during the last quarter, all but six are listed as “exempt” from the detailed reporting requirements. Want to know why Singer Properties or OHSU or PGE or NW Natural were shaking down city leaders? Too bad—they managed to come in under the 16-hour threshold.