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Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Food Top Ten “Fun Size” Candies That Aren’t Very Fun At All

Posted by Wm. Steven Humphrey on Wed, Oct 31 at 3:10 PM

“Fun Size” candies. There’s a misnomer if there ever was one. Everybody knows that a full-sized candy bar is far superior to these miniscule treats which are anything BUT fun. And yet, every stinking year these paltry candies wind up in my Halloween bag. BULLSHIT! Here are the top ten worst fun size candies, in that anyone in their right mind would greatly prefer the full size.

#10 TOOTSIE ROLLS: The only difference between Tootsie Rolls and three-month old dog shit is that one of them is white.
tootsie%20roll%20mini%20chew%20fun%20size.jpg

#9 JUNIOR MINTS: Junior Mints are ALREADY small!! What’s so “fun” about a microscopic mint?

#8 M&Ms: Look! They’re trying to distract me with packaging featuring Star Wars characters! Fuck you, Han Solo—give me my M&Ms, asshole!
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#7 MARS BAR: Even full size, this candy bar has exactly ZERO taste. Here it has one quarter of ZERO taste.

#6 POP ROCKS: How am I supposed to explode my stomach with these? Newsflash: NOT FUN!

Top five “fun size” candies that aren’t fun, after the leap!

#5 SKITTLES: How can I taste the rainbow, if I can't even see the rainbow?

#4 SNICKERS: It's like having a three-foot tall Abraham Lincoln. That's all I have to say.

#3 & #2 KIT KAT BAR & TWIX: Break me off a piece of that Kit Kat Bar? Sure thing. Can I borrow an atom splitter? (BTW, Twix is Kit Kat's retarded brother.)

1# CHICK-O-STIK: I have no idea what these things are, or what they're made of. From its packaging I assume "chicken," but I could be wrong. Regardless, I want a full size stick of chicken, not a stick-o-chick!

Your comments, please.

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Comments

Fun Size Bit O' Honey = Itty Bit O' Crap

Posted by gus | October 31, 2007 4:21 PM

I am real glad I didn't see sweetarts or spree on this list...I probably would have flipped my lid.

Posted by greg | October 31, 2007 4:59 PM

LEAVE JUNIOR MINTS ALONE!!! JUNIOR MINTS ARE CANDY TOO!!! LEAVE THEM ALONE!!! *cry*

Posted by Tron Javolta | October 31, 2007 5:17 PM

FACT: A little-appreciated candy, Chick-o-stiks are made of coconut and peanut butter and taste like a chrunchier version of the inside of a Butterfinger. FACT: They are fucking delicious in any size.

Posted by Jones | October 31, 2007 5:47 PM

I'll tell you what isn't fun...fun size SweeTarts, that's what's not fun. There are a total of three (count 'em) in every raffle-ticket-sized, insufficiently satisfying packet.

The point of SweeTarts is to eat them until your mouth begs for mercy.

At least there's one good thing; it gets like celery; you're doing enough work in opening them that you expend more energy than caloric intake.

Posted by Samuel John Klein | October 31, 2007 9:16 PM

I thought I was being a "cool house" by getting Snickers, but I ran the math on these "Snickers Minis," and they're freakin' NINE GRAMS EACH. 0.3 ounces. I really don't see how they can warrant the plural "Snickers." Clearly only one Snicker AT THE MOST could be inside one of these things.

Posted by James X. | October 31, 2007 9:26 PM

i've been pissed about this "fun sized" candy thing for a while too. you think a real "fun sized" candy bar would be 3 feet long, but no!

Posted by ben | November 1, 2007 10:15 AM

i've been pissed about this "fun sized" candy thing for a while too. you think a real "fun sized" candy bar would be 3 feet long, but no!

Posted by ben | November 1, 2007 10:15 AM

I don't really get what's "fun" about a wad of wax, high-fructose corn syrup and artificial flavor in any size. Unless you think type 2 diabetes, bowel disease, obesity and tooth decay are a laugh-riot. I wish they made "fun" size cigarettes too.

Posted by Party Poop | November 1, 2007 12:08 PM

I wish they made a fun Party Poop.

The atom splitter comment was gold.

Posted by Ritchie | November 1, 2007 1:39 PM

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