I've lost sight of the point where Matt's sincerity ends and self-parody begins.

How am I supposed to ride a fixie in that?

Racist.

Do they make kevlar kangols? Camo wrist bands? Polyurethane scrotum slings? That's where modern men's fashion is heading. I should know, as I have visited MySpace.

Who are the Brooks Brothers? Are they anything like Manny, Moe, and Jack?

Wow! I can't wait until it opens. I've been biding my time until just the right store opens where I can spend and arm and a leg to look like a total douche from the 80s.

In your case, no further expenditure is required.

Yes Portland is "casual." To others (from other places) it's unprofessional. Travel to other countries, in Europe, Australia or New Zealand, Asia, and even Canada and Mexico, and you see more people dressed up than here. Somehow I don't think all those people think of themselves as douches, and neither do I. Not that I want to wear a suit to work, mind you, but the casualness of Portland (think going to a Gala Opera all dressed up and having other people show up in shreaded cut-offs and flip-flops) makes you not want to bother getting dressed up at all sometimes.

Since not everyone in Portland is a hipster, or wants to look like a hipster, it's great there will be variety for those who do want to be put together nicely. Nothing wrong with that.

Don't worry. Those hipster stores will still sell that funky, unoriginal, dated, retro-70's crap so many are wearing now.