Here at the Mercury Institute of Advanced Sexuacity, we’re constantly looking for the most effective ways to make sure you get sex this weekend. This week, we’re calling upon two standards that never fail: 90s R&B hottie MONIFAH, and “the occult.”
Okay, so let’s say you know WHO you want to have sex with, you just don’t know what to say. That’s where this magic incantation comes in. Approach the object of your affections and say the following:

(YOUR NAME) in the cool of the house/

All I wanna do is make you bounce/

(HIS/HER NAME) will you turn me out?/

Show me what your thing is all about.

REPEAT

As you can clearly see in the following awesome 1998 video of Monifah’s “Touch It,” this magic spell works like a charm. Especially on army boys.