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Monday, November 5, 2007
Music The Spice Cougars: WOULD YOU DO THEM?
Posted by on Mon, Nov 5 at 3:32 PM
When it comes to your sexual proclivities… I assume nothing. That’s why I would like you to watch the new Spice Girls video entitled “Headline”—in which these cougars cavort around in bras and dominatrix wear—and tell me which one of them you’d most likely “do.” For memory’s sake, their names: Baby, Scary, Posh, Sporty, Ginger. (Ginger is the redhead with the rocking abs, who is still weirdly scarier than “Scary.”)
Comments
Well, there's two ways to look at this, I think.
First, compare and contrast with the Spice Girls who each had a cute, evil gimmick: Sporty/Baby/Spanky/Skanky/Stinky/Old Spice (or whatever)...there was a reason we call called them the Prefab Five. They had less authenticity than aluminum siding; it's not for nothing that the famous Mr. Cranky reviewed the movie Spice World with three words: No. F*cking. Way.
The latter-day Spice Girls are easier on the eye; they are all grown up, and they don't have dumb gimmicks. It's nice to see Baby grown up; it's better that Sporty put on a dress and heels; nice to see Scary not so scary now. Strange that Ginger hasn't changed much, or maybe not; I still think Posh is CGI.
Going past matters of style, though, this easy going sound is just as forgettable as SG 1.0 was irritating. Candy for the eye, but unremarkable pablulum for the ear. Love the look, but the sound? Meh.
Yes, but… WHO WOULD YOU DO?
Yes, all.
If you don't know which one is which, their website has profiles of each one. For some idiotic reason, the profiles don't list their Spice names, though, so I cross-referenced their full names with Wikipedia and from top it is: Baby, Ginger, Scary, Sporty, Posh.
Posh scares me the most.
I don't understand this video, though, because this music seems targeted towards middle-aged women, but middle-aged women don't want to watch a bunch of scantily-clad middle-aged women in a video, do they? I dunno.
Also, their website describes San Jose (where they will be performing) as "the Capital of Silicone Valley". What a difference an "e" makes.
The only one that doesn't do it for me is old Vicky Beckham there. She's starting to look sort of... praying mantis-y? Is that it?
@ Humpy:
Yes, but… WHO WOULD YOU DO?
Every one except Posh.
Someone get her a sandwich or something, eh?
@ no one in particular:
For some idiotic reason, the profiles don't list their Spice names, though
That's because it's Spice Girls 2.0: all grown up.
YES! I would do every one of them...over and over again! YUM-O!
I would "do" Scary Spice, she is hot. But I am an old irrelevant man.
Geri, without a doubt
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They all have something somewhat terrifying about them which enables me to say, I wouldn't f' them with my roommates dick.