Live from domestic partnership night at the Rose Garden as the hottest team in the NBA, the Portland Trail Blazers, take on the last place, worst record, shame-filled, Minnesota Timberwolves.

Watch out!! There’s a wolf in those timbers! Oh sorry, it’s just that super-realistic logo. Phew, that was close. I thought it was going to be like this.

That photo is so cute, it looks like they are dancing.

Pre-Game:
The last time the Blazers lost a game of competitive basketball was December 2nd (to the world champion San Antonio Spurs), and after 11 straight wins, the streak (their longest in six years) doesn't look to end tonight.

Minnesota sucks.

I mean, the state is fantastic—with its Husker Du, Lake Minnetonka and Paul Wellstone—but the basketball team with the scary snarlin' wolf, they are no good. The TWolves are in a rebuilding era similar to what the Blazers went through the past few seasons. And just like that dark era of Blazers baketball, Sebastian Telfair is along for the ride. Thankfully for everyone in the 503, the pillowcase-pistol-packin' Telfair is the starting point guard for Minnesota, and not the Blazers.

Not to be overconfident but I expect tonight to be like the Harlem Globetrotters vs. the Washington Generals. I expect the Blazers to win the game, and in the process, also spin the ball playfully on their extended finger, dunk via another player's shoulders and toss a bucket of confetti on someone.

Hilarity, here we come!

First Quarter:
9:52 - Minnesota has yet to score. I smell a 99-0 shutout coming. 2-0 Blazers.

7:35 - Telfair makes a jumpshot. Too bad he didn't make more of those a few years back. 8-6 Portland.

3:56 - You know a dunk is good when you end up on the floor, flat on your back, when you are finished. Martell Webster, that was one nice dunk. 16-12 Blazers.

0:27 - You sort of knew that was coming. Travis Outlaw. The Ball. Two points. We've been seeing that all month (and streak) long. 25-19 Blazers.

Second Quarter:
After one quarter, it's not quite the comedic blowout I hoped for seeing how the home team has been chucking up the long balls without much luck (29%), but odds are, they'll start hitting those and pulling away.

9:23 - Grumble, grumble, goes to Rose Garden. Gerald Green, last year's dunk champion, just did a pretty 'lil windmill number, and then tubby Antoine Walker drives in for his very own layup. All of a sudden the worst team in the NBA is up, 31-30.

7:19 - Travis Outlaw, that balled just went through your legs. Do I need to specify what team is the Globetrotters and what team is the Generals? Are we confused? Good lord. 35-33 Scary forest wolves.

5:45 - Gerald Green mugs James Jones on a three-point attempt. Jones ends up in the crowd. Green ends up with a foul. And I end up with this delicious cotton candy I just ordered from the friendly vendor man. Want some? It's delicious. 36-35 Midwest.

3:45 - Steve Blake deserves some cotton candy. He just missed a shot, but out-hustled a sea (a forest?) of Timberwolves for his own rebound, and then downed a three-pointer. Tied up, 42 all.

3:00 - Rashad McCants just got blocked by LaMarcus Aldridge. Bad. Really goddamn bad. The TWolves call a time out to talk it over, or to just start sobbing uncontrollably. Maybe both. 44-42 Blazers.

1:05 - Steve Blake for another three and laser sound effects (and a Minnesota timeout) follow from the Rose Garden PA. Wolves hate lasers and they looked pissed. 54-46 Portland.

Third Quarter:
9:50 - Finally Al Jefferson decides to show up. The TWolves top player was held to an unimpressive six points in the first half, but he quickly drops a couple shots and pulls Minnesota within five. 57-52 Blazers.

7:31 - Evidentially Al Jefferson didn't know that Joel Przybilla is from Minnesota, because he's schooling the Vanilla Gorilla in the art of scoring when you want and how you want. This isn't the Midwest charm I was expecting from the folks from Lake Wobegon, what gives? Jefferson's 14 points leads all scorers and Blazers, don't look behind you, the visitors are gaining ground. 60-59 Portland.

5:33 - Corey Brewer must have just broken both ankles, as Brandon Roy torched him down the lane and added some much needed breathing room for the Red & Black. 64-59 Portland.

3:36 - Telfair catches Steve Blake with a flying elbow... and then jumps on him from the top rope. Congrats, Sebastian, you truly are the People's Champ, the belt is yours. 70-65 Portland.

0:00 - And that is how you end a quarter! Rashard McCants has a ball bounce off his face, thus leading to a Blazers fastbreak basket by Jarrett Jack. Then, as time is winding down, Travis Outlaw swats Al Jefferson in dramatic fashion. It was as if he was the very hand of God, reaching down from the heavens to smite poor Al. Or not. Regardless, the crowd is pumped and it's 78-69 Portland.

Fourth Quarter:
10:32 - To the chants of "MVP, MVP," Brandon Roy starts to take over with a quick 5 straight points. I appreciate a crowd that roots for their best player, but MVP? Really? He only has 16 points. LeBron scored 30 while I typed this. But the Blazers have 84 and the TWolves only have 69. The route starts now...

7:47 - If Roy makes the all-star team, he owes Marko Jaric a muffin basket. Poor Marko (Polo!), he's been the fall guy in this episode of The Brandon Roy Show. It's a like a highlight reel every Blazers' offensive possession. 89-74 Portland.

6:19 - Outlaw dunks it home and all of a sudden Craig Smith has a band-aid on his face. Did the dunk do that? Hey, I like "Hot In Here" as much as the next live-blogger, but I'm not sporting a cosmetic band-aid. 93-74 Blazers. Chalupas and win number 12, coming soon...

4:01 - Note to Minnesota: You lost. Stop trying. This 8-0 run is no way to treat your generous Portland hosts. 93-82 Blazers.

1:17 - Aldridge with the Chalupa bucket (ugh, that sounds gross) and it's 100-89 Blazers. 12 wins in a row, here they come...

0:00 - A (non-baker's) dozen for the Blazers! 12 in a row for the NBA's youngest team. Wow!

Final score, Portland 109, Minnesota 98.

A federal judge granted a temporary restraining order and preliminary injunction delaying domestic partnerships until at least after a February 1 hearing. More—lots more—as soon as I find a wifi signal.

And we’re back! I would have been liveblogging the hearing, had there been wifi in the damn federal courthouse. Oh, and had modern technology been allowed—I was told to put my laptop away about half an hour into the hearing (!?!?), and had to resort to scribbling.

Background: The plaintiffs—the anti-gay activists who claimed several signatures had been erroneously tossed off the referendum petition, and unfairly disqualified their bid to put domestic partnerships to a vote this fall—had to make the case that they had a good shot at proving the merits of their case, and that they’d be “irreparably harmed” if domestic partnerships got underway as planned on January 2, before their case is resolved.

Here’s the breakdown: Going into the hearing, which was delayed to 2 pm today, Judge Michael Mosman laid out his preliminary thoughts—and they sounded really good for the state and Basic Rights Oregon, who’d joined the case as a friend of the court.

He said the first part—the merits of the case—largely came down to the plaintiffs showing that the act of signing a referendum petition is “a fundamental right,” akin to voting being a fundamental right. “If I viewed signing the referendum as a fundamental right, its likely that plaintiff will prevail on their equal protection clause argument,” that claims the plaintiffs didn’t get due process when their signatures were tossed, Judge Mosman said. However, he added that in the briefs, and in the case law he’d researched, he didn’t see a precedent for equating signing an initiative or referendum petition with voting. “I’m tentatively inclined not to find a fundamental right here where none has been found before,” he said.

But, the plaintiffs had a secret weapon up their sleeve: A Ninth Circuit case out of Idaho that did equate petition signing with voting (that case was about geographic disenfranchisement, not the disqualification of signatures based on the state’s established criteria, Oregon deputy attorney general Katherine Georges argued, to no avail). With that case, the plaintiffs showed the judge that they could probably prove that signing a referendum is a fundamental right.

Which brought them to the irreparable harm: If same-sex couples start enjoying benefits on January 2—benefits outlined in a brief filed by Basic Rights Oregon—would the plaintiffs be screwed?

Yep, argued Alliance Defense Fund attorney Austin Nimocks. On this point, I took plenty of notes—but I can’t make heads or tails of what he argued. He made a point that any time a fundamental right is violated, there’s an irreparable harm. There was also confusion as to whether a referral could even happen if the law goes into effect—since a referral is supposed to temporarily stall the implementation of a law until the voters have a say. In other words, a referral is not suppose to act as a repeal.

Georges argued that the plaintiffs can always put a measure on the ballot seeking to repeal the law, if the referendum thing ultimately doesn’t work out. In response, Nimocks made a disingenuous point that it’d be unfair to same-sex couples to register as domestic partners, only to have it put on hold and/or ultimately have it yanked away if they get the referral on the ballot and voters opt to take away the law. (So nice of you to think of our feelings and needs, Nimocks!)

The judge asked both sides if they could get their acts together for a hearing ASAP—a situation that would limit the actual harm to couples hoping to partner on January 2, while also preventing harm to the plaintiffs. By only putting off domestic partnerships “for a short period of time, the harm in the Basic Rights Oregon brief is greatly mitigated,” Judge Mosman said.

The hearing on the case itself is set for February 1, and it seems like it’ll be a showdown on what, exactly (or if any) is the relationship between voting and signing a petition. As Basic Rights Oregon’s attorney explained to reporters after the hearing, people who legitimately sign a petition aren’t ever guaranteed that their signature will count, as is expected with votes. The chief petition doesn’t even always turn in your signature, she pointed out.

Afterwards in the hallway, Basic Rights Oregon’s brand new executive director Jeana Frazzini said she knows of several couples who are expecting babies in early January, and were looking forward to the parental rights domestic partnerships would afford. Others have medical procedures scheduled, and now their partner won’t have the right to make medical decisions should something go wrong. Those folks, she explains, are facing irreparable harm due to the delay—a fact that was argued in BRO’s amicus brief. Celebrations that BRO has slated for January 2 around the state will still happen, however—including the one at the Armory in Portland. She pointed out that we still should celebrate the non-discrimination law taking effect on January 1.

Basic Rights Oregon also issued a statement:

Our attorney believes that the judge demonstrated a fundamental misunderstanding of Oregon’s initiative and referendum law. Basic Rights Oregon is appalled by this outrageous ruling, and we will continue to aggressively find opportunities to participate in the case as it moves forward, doing everything in our power to get caring and committed Oregon couples and their families the legal rights and protections they need.

It’s been a year and a half since I’ve had fish and chips this good—I’m afraid Americans simply cannot get this dish right. The fish is either in small cubes or the batter’s soggy, or the chips are too thin cut, or there’s no mushy peas (quintessential part of the whole deal) or they’re fussy about serving the damn things in newspaper (apparently “hygiene” is sufficient reason to destroy a work of culinary art in your country). So: To Andreou’s Fish & Chip shop, Shirley Road, Croydon. It’s where I’ve been going every Friday since I couldn’t see over the counter and tonight, I told him: “I love you, Andreou. Move to America with me. Please…” But the bastard broke my heart, asking “What about my customers?” To which I responded: “Damn your customers, Andreou. If I can’t have you, no one will,” before killing him in hot blood. Which, of course, is a joke, but it would have been worth it—just look at these babies:

IN THE BAG: That fish logo is about as horny to eat itself as I am to sup on his unctuous little fishy body…

ONTO THE PLATE: Mother, hurry…

COMING TOWARDS MY…MOUTH…:I’ve lost all sense of control…I can’t see the wood for the trees…mummy!!! help!!!

Etcetera. Which brings me to the end of my rather enjoyable (to write) Blogtown edu-tainment series on Great Britain. I hope you’ve found it both cliched AND useful. I’ll be back to the relentlessly depressing civil rights stuff in the new year—provided of course I manage to survive a four-hour stopover in Las Vegas with my identity intact.

[Cut to Vegas cardroom, Saturday, 10pm…Davis slumped with hand luggage over a blackjack table…]

DEALER: Do you mean to say you’re willing to bet your mortal soul on this next hand, sir? We already have your wife, your house, your flexcar card and your extremely tasty collection of Sabatier knives…
DAVIS: Damn it, Damien, a bet’s a bet. Now, deal!
DEALER: Very good, sir…very good…

Good bye day. Hopefully.

So last night was the soft opening for the new Grand Central Bowl (839 SE Morrison)—the newest project from the folks at Concept Entertainment (the people behind Lotus, Dixie Tavern, Barracuda, The Gypsy, plus other west side bars/ restaurants). And if you aren’t familiar with what they’re doing here, it’s a monster sized project: taking the decrepit Grand Central space and turning it into an upscale-ish bowling alley and restaurant, flanked with other businesses in the same building.

To be honest, I’ve always been a confused devil’s advocate for Concept. Turning this great old building from a crap hole into a mahogany lined bowling alley takes some serious guts and faith in their audience—by the same token, what does it say about a company that feels a déclassé sport like bowling needs classing up?

What I like about Concept is that they obviously have a passion for providing entertainment for their customers—and if I can be allowed to generalize a bit, it’s the West Hills crowd: up ‘n’ comers with money to burn and little patience for anything too “weird.” But I don’t think Concept caters to just the West Hillers, I truly believe that THEY believe everyone is like them—looking for a slighty fancy/quirky place to hang out, and break the monotony of the everyday.

As I said, Concept makes me feel confused. I love their passion, and I hate their “concepts”: “Hey, wouldn’t it be cool to have a Texas-style bar… but without the rednecks?” “Wouldn’t it be great to eat a fancy meal…but get this… BOWL in the same building?” It’s the gimmickry that bothers me, not the execution. With all the brains, talent and money these guys n’ gals obviously have, I’d really like to see what they could do with an original idea.

THAT BEING SAID… the new Grand Central Bowl is certainly nice enough. If you approach it with a Vegas mindset, its even enjoyable. Dark hued wood, plush seating, 20 giant screen TVs (!) and a thirty yard long bar actually eclipse the bowling aspect of the room, taking up half of the downstairs space. Twelve scant lanes of bowling remain, with soft couches, and the latest in automatic scoring. However, my favorite part was the mezzanine, which comes equipped with four billiard tables, bar, and some very nice nooks and crannies (fireplaces included) which is great for all your drinking, chatting and canoodling needs. In fact, I’d say get rid of the bottom floor entirely—the upstairs is the kind of room Portland really needs.

Lanes and tables rent by the hour and aren’t cheap, so drag your friends along to save money—but even if you’re not bowling, definitely drop in to check it out, because I’d love to hear your opinion. The new Grand Central Bowl isn’t for everyone… but it doesn’t have to be just for me, either.

Obama and Clinton are tied in New Hampshire, with the Iowa caucuses less than a week away.

Big shock: Benazir Bhutto’s assassination means more political unrest in Pakistan. “Ms. Bhutto’s party, the largest in the country, is now leaderless, and many of its members already blame Mr. Musharraf’s government for her death.”

Oregon woman arrested for drunk driving has a .55% blood alcohol level—and lives to go to jail!

This is why you shouldn’t run with scissors or other sharp pointy things: You could put an eye out.

Hey, wasn’t it supposed to snow yesterday?

I was going to blog about seeing Ian McKellen’s penis in King Lear on Drury Lane last night, but frankly, I’m speechless. Let’s just say Shakespeare had some foresight when he wrote the line: “I am every inch a king.”

Also, I have more important things to think about than my own insecurities. Such as packing. And my, what a fruitful trip to Waitrose it was this morning. Here’s the haul of marvelous products one is only able to get here, or at vast expense in the US (before y’all say “you can get Cadbury’s at Cost Plus World Market, I mean):
IMPORTS: Britain’s finest…

So, roughly clockwise, from top left. Beginning, of course, with the biscuits:

a)8 Jacob’s Orange Club biscuits. The Club is the Mini Cooper of biscuits.
b)Box Cadbury’s 99 Flake chocolate. For sticking into vanilla ice cream.
c)Assorted Milka/Green & Blacks organic chocolate. Because it’s like, 99p a bar here.
d)Bath Oliver cheese biscuits. Better than any Water Table Crackers you can find.
e)Box Hob Nobs—more biscuits, great with tea.
f)Box Plain Chocolate Digestives—also great with tea.
f2) Lyle’s Golden Syrup sponge cake. No words can describe its godliness.
g)Cadburys Dairy Milk Buttons, Dairy Milk and Fruit & Nut bars. It seems they make them with less sugar than the fake ones you can get in the US. Either that or I’m just placebo’d by purchasing them here. The taste of kiddie-hood.
h)McVitie’s Jaffa Cakes. If you haven’t had one, you should pay me $5 to try one. They’re sublime. Orange jelly on a sponge base, covered in dark chocolate.
i)Rooibos caffeine free tea. Er…
j)Heinz Baked Beans. Of course.
k)Mint and Teatree shower gel—they don’t make this brand in the US, but it’s the most invigorating wake-up shower I’ve ever experienced.
l)3 jars Tiptree jam: Rhubarb and Ginger, Black Currant & ‘Sweet Tip’ Raspberry. Jam is about so much more than fruit in a jar. It’s about manufacturing, labeling, sweet balanced with sour, and of course, CLASS.
m)HP Sauce—Brown sauce named after the houses of parliament. Amazing with sausages.
n)Waitrose Korma sauce—see last “Great things…” post about curry.
o)Jar roasted chestnuts. Not sure why I bought these.
p)Waitrose English Breakfast tea. Speaks for itself.
q)Twinings Lapsang Souchong tea. Is cheap and smoky and I like this brand.
r)Twinings Echinacea and Raspberry tea. Because they’d run out of blackcurrant, ginseng and vanilla. As they always do. Every time I try to buy it.

Let’s hope it all survives the plane ride—especially the korma sauce. But just in case: Does anybody know a good dry cleaner?

So three web-only additions to this week’s Film section:

1) MOVIE TIMES! A bunch of theaters—including Fox Tower, Lloyd Cinemas, the Kennedy School, Century Eastport, and the Living Room Theaters—weren’t able to get us showtimes for the week of December 28-January 3 by our deadline. We now have those times, though, and you can get ‘em via Found It! (There are also some late-breaking changes for film times at the Avalon, the Milwaukee, and the Clinton.)

2) BLOOD! For those of you who can’t wait until January 11 to see Paul Thomas Anderson’s There Will Be Blood when it opens in Portland, there’s an early screening on Saturday, December 29, at midnight at Cinema 21. (In a rare fit of generosity and/or stupidity, I let Chas go to the press screening instead of going myself, and I’ve been kicking myself ever since.) Anyway, considering how many people are excited about the film, I’d recommend snagging advance tickets.

3) UNFORTUNATE! I saw Alien vs. Predator: Requiem. I guess this whole debate is kind of moot at this point, since now there’s this stupid fucking Predalien thing, but I’d just like to take this opportunity to reiterate just how goddamn stupid Predators are in general. And yes, this assertion is 99.99 percent based on their dreadlocks. Which is totally fair.

Yes. So this is two days late, maybe. Don’t care. This is the best Christmas movie ever, and anyone who tries to tell you different is an unscrupulous liar.

Check M.O.D. for more perspectives on 2007 and the coming year from people in the local fashion industry.

Ese Carnal’s Donovan Skirvin’s take on 2008:

Predictions for 2008 and beyond..

I really like what Elizabeth Dye said in your column a week back.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot. I think that at least some of the money that has gone into building these new boutiques comes from all that easy re-financing afforded to home owners that last few years. Now that the adjustable rates are beginning to adjust people aren’t so excited to have spent the money.
There are too many boutiques. And, too many amateurs involved, it seems. Over the next year, the limitations of the economy will show. And, so to will the true stars.

There are a lot of makers here. Plenty to stock a boutique. As the number of boutiques dwindles, the ones that remain will be of high caliber. As well, we’ll see Portland’s designs all cuddled up next to each other within the few remaining spaces. This too will help out the social darwinism of things. Hopefully, we’ll be seeing the benefits of competition. Our beloved designers doing better and more exciting work.

And,,…

Wouldn’t it be great to see someone with money back a manufacturing venture here? It wouldn’t be impossible for someone to start a non-profit manufacturing outfit. Just as Kaiser Permanente is a non-profit medical treatment provider, there could be such a thing as a non-profit garment factory. We could have a decently paid collective of professionals serving the design community of Portland. There are warehouses and industrial sewing machines here. If you structured the company right, you could even get big local companies to give big tax deductible donations to it. Down the road, you could involve the agriculture community too… Bamboo grows just about anywhere. The U.S. textile industry could rise from the dead. Especially with the weak dollar, there’s incentive for such a thing to happen.

Maybe such a thing is being worked on right now.

I guess that’s the hope part.

What do you do when you’re a fading Hollywood actress who can no longer afford the plastic surgery bills? Well, if you’re Meg Ryan you make a commercial for Nescafe! In Japan! (Yes, that’s “Killing Me Softly” in the background… and she is!)

• Pakistan opposition leader Benazir Bhutto was assassinated today in a suicide attack that also killed at least 20 others. Her death has sparked rage and chaos, raising grave concerns for the country, which, yes, has nuclear capabilities. Uh-oh.

• Republican presidential hopeful Mike Huckabee has changed his moderate stance toward immigrants. Now he hates them.

• President Bush signs legislation to allow a needle exchange program in Washington. I just need one needle—to stick in my eye every time Bush does something stupid.

• Former star of The O.C., Mischa Barton, was pulled over last night in West Hollywood and charged with a DUI, possession of illegal narcotics, AND driving without a license. SOB! Our little girl is growing up!

• According to the Oregonian, the snow is on its way, but should be gone by the afternoon. But don’t tell your boss that.

• Good news, everybody! The tigers at the Oregon Zoo probably, most likely WON’T maul and kill you. How come? Because this widdle-biddy cuddly tiguh is too adowable and sweepy! AREN’T YOU JUST A SWEET WIDDLE TIGUH?

In a recent survey, British people nominated Chicken Tikka Masala as their national dish. The influx of Indian, Pakistani and other Asian immigrants since the 1940s to this country has led to the British-izing of those countries’ cuisines to form a fierier, less subtly flavored version. Which. I. Love:
BRITISH CURRY: Orange, Meaty, Hot…

THALI: More ‘authentic’ Indian flavor, less British, still good…

Other British foods I’ve really missed: pork pies, fish and chips, good jam, toast, jam on toast, Marmite, Walkers’ crisps, sausage rolls, mince pies and pasties. All of these, I’d imagine, are explained on Wikipedia. But the curry has to be seen to be believed. Imagine tucking into a lamb rhogan josh like the one pictured, having trudged an hour and a half through the freezing London air to get to the restaurant. “Satisfying” doesn’t come near it.

I eat a lot during Christmas. So much in fact, that some people say, “Jesus, Hump. You eat like a fucking pig.” These people are wrong. I don’t eat like a pig. I eat like a Kimodo dragon eating a pig. Like this.

In case you didn’t understand the metaphor, I was the Kimodo dragon in this video.

For Christmas, President Bush got his wife Laura a purse and a silver tray. Omigod, that poor woman.

Merry Christmas, you just got killed by a TIGER.

I had the brew, she had the chronic, the Blazers beat the Supersonics. Yesterday was a good day. (Except for that guy eaten by a tiger.)

Snowstorm to hit Portland tomorrow! PANIC!!! Oh, for the love of sweet merciful Jesus… PANIC!!!!

BLOGTOWN READER ALERT! By the way, even though the residents of the Mercury office are getting wasted in front of the TV this week, we’ll still be blogging sporadically, and will be back in full force on Wednesday, January 2! In other words… PANIC!!

Live from the Bethlehem Manger Rose Garden, as the Portland Trail Blazers take on the Seattle SuperSonics. Which team will ball the best on the birth of baby Jesus?

Let’s find out…

Pre-Game:
Since today is a rare Christmas game, the first one at home for the Blazers in 22 years, I feel the need to make some predictions...

Things that will happen today:
The Blazer Girls will do a creepy dance in "naughty Santa" attire to either "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus," "Santa Baby," or a hiphop-infused "Jingle Bell Rock." The crowd will love it.

Robert Swift will give somebody, it could be anyone, really, an erotic massage.

The Blazers will win.

Those are my predictions. The Blazer Girls and Robert Swift ones are complete locks, but after reeling off 10 straight wins, I suppose a Blazers win looks pretty likely as well. Speaking of ten straight victories, the Red & Black love them some Christmas, as the team has won their last ten games played on December 25th. Oh, and Seattle? They are 0-10 on Christmas (yet unbeaten on Arbor Day).

First Quarter:
9:49 - Martell Webster with the steal and he's fouled hard on the breakaway. Speaking of Martell and stealing, he doesn't do it. Hey look, it's a baseball score: 3-1 Portland.

5:18 - So far, so sluggish, but Webster downs a three, yet back come the Sonics and a quick layup by that one guy who Portland refused to draft. 11-10 Seattle.

4:02 - Brandon Roy with a highlight dunk. Someone must have used that time out to tell him this game is nationally televised on ESPN. 14 up, it's a tie game.

2:22 - Wally Szczerbiak you are an UNSTOPPABLE FORCE OF GOD! That is a quick ten points for Wally, someone get Bruce Bowen out here to kick him. Hard. In the face. 22-18 Seattle.

0:59 - Sergio Rodriguez, between the legs, and finishing with a delicate finger roll. ¡Dios Mío! 24 up.

Second Quarter:
Can I take a moment to say how much I adore Squatch? When the Sonics relocate to Oklahoma City next season, I expect a mascot trade. They can take Blaze, and I demand we get the Sasquatch. After all, everyone knows that the real Sasquatch is from Oregon. I think.

9:14 - James Jones with a highlight play, and it's not a three pointer (for once). Instead he dunks it, thanks to a spectacular pass from Rodriguez. 30-26 Blazers.

7:59 - The Blazer Girls are now dancing to "Jingle Bell Rock" while wearing "naughty Santa" outfits. Dearest readers, I am the live blog Nostradmous. Love me, fear me.

6:26 - Wally Szczerbiak is our new lord! That's 15 for Wally World. 34-31 Portland.

4:38 - James Jones for three! Boom! Someone buy that man a Starbucks frappuccino! Stumptown 41, Emerald City 36.

2:07 - LaMarcus Aldridge has yet to score a single point, and still the Blazers are holding in down, 44-40 Portland.

0:00 - And at the half, the Blazers are up 46-44. What's that? A gospel halftime show? Time for me to get out of press row, now. They serve spiked egg soy nog at the concession stand, right?

Third Quarter:
The Blazers should consider themselves lucky. They are shooting 38% from the field, LaMarcus Aldridge has scored a big fat zero points, Brandon Roy is 2 of 11 shooting, and their leading scorer is their backup point guard (Jarret Jack, 12 points), yet still they are winning.

9:35 - Portland has missed five straight shots from three-point land. Ouch. But hey, speaking of Xmas and the Blazers, ever notice the old school Blazers jacket in the video for Run DMC's "Christmas In Hollis"? 48-46 Blazers.

6:18 - Fast break bucket coming 'attacha. Steve Blake with the finish from a Brandon Roy feed and the Sonics are forced to call a timeout. 58-50 home team.

4:30 - Oh shit! Brandon Roy dives into the stands to save a loose ball, recovers, then gets the ball back and knocks down a three! Seattle better get His Holiness Wally Szczerbiak off the bench ASAP. 66-50 Portland with a comfy lead.

1:46 - Jarret Jack to the rim for a layup... he's swatted into the seats. Ouch. Good thing no one is watching. Unless of course you count ESPN, KGW and the sold out crowd. And Wally Szczerbiak as well, but he knows all and sees all. 68-56 Blzrs.

0:00 - 70-62 Blazers, 12 minutes left and 11 wins on the line...

Fourth Quarter:
9:19 - Travis Outlaw with a pretty turnaround jumper, but guess who answers? Wally Fucking Szczerbiak, that's who. 74-68 Portland.

7:28 - While Seattle is closing the gap, they need more fire power. Time to bring this pretty girl into the game. Carrot Top, is that you? 76-68 Blazers.

5:09 - James Jones for three points, and just when Portland is going to put this hame away for good, the lord himself, Wally Goddamn Fucking Szczerbiak, hits another three pointer. 83-72 Blazers.

2:35 - 'Lil Earl Watson gets fouled and then a dodgeball game breaks out. He pegs Joel Przybilla in the back with the ball, and for that, he gets a technical foul. "Nobody makes me bleed my own blood - nobody!" 85-73 Average Joe's Gym.

2:11 - Looks like the Blazers work is done here. Jarrett Jack for a long three in the corner and it's 89-75 P-Town.

0:00 - Folks, that is 11 games in a row! Despite the best efforts of one dude named Szczerbiak, the Blazers win again, 89-79.

In lieu of my normal Christmas activities (baking a cake for Jesus, crying a lot), this year I’ve decided to post my favorite Christmas songs—one a day, all the way until the 25th. While you might not get music as great as this, these songs sure beat all the lousy gifts you’ll have to pretend to like.

Ah, the best of the best. No Christmas song is as warm and fuzzy, and yet so damn bizarre, as the paring of David Bowie and Bing Crosby. The Washington Post ran an excellent piece on how the song almost never happened, turns out Bowie isn’t a fan of “Little Drummer Boy,” which you can read here.

MP3:
David Bowie & Bing Crosby - Peace On Earth / Little Drummer Boy

How’s your Christmas going? Mine got off to a good start last night when I accidentally deleted my dad’s entire iPhoto library of about 3000 shots. “Not to worry,” I said. “Where’s your backup?”

[stony silence]

[mum’s voice from downstairs]: “Dinner’s ready!”

…still, he’s talking to me again now. And we even managed to eat Christmas lunch without mentioning it. After the entree was out of the way the whole family sat down to watch the Queen’s Speech before pudding—a regular Christmas tradition in this country for 50 years. Here’s our telly:
QUEEN’S SPEECH: Watched by millions…

In case you want to know what she actually said (something about “felching…?” although I wasn’t really paying attention…) here’s the YouTube:

IMPORTANT MESSAGE? YES MA’AM…

Like Her Majesty says, “Happy Christmas.”

In lieu of my normal Christmas activities (baking a cake for Jesus, crying a lot), this year I’ve decided to post my favorite Christmas songs—one a day, all the way until the 25th. While you might not get music as great as this, these songs sure beat all the lousy gifts you’ll have to pretend to like.

Far from a traditional Christmas standard, the soft and subtle holiday imagery of Joni Mitchell’s “River” is one of those songs that just seems to work anytime of the year. Plus it takes me back to that period of my life where I just sat around in my basement and listened to Blue all day. Boo-hoo.

If you have the time, please watch this amazing footage of Mitchell and a hippie who wants to “paint a fence invisible.” Does Miller Paint sell an Invisible color? I didn’t see it there…

MP3:
Joni Mitchell - River

If there’s one thing London does more evocatively than any other city I’ve been to, it’s fog. Fog, or rather smog—a mixture of fog and coal smoke—killed 4,000 people in London in just four days in December 1952, leading to the coining of the term “pea-souper,” named after the particular kind of yellow-green, thick fog that used to envelop the city. These days, things are less toxic. But there’s still a definite Sweeney Todd feel to the city in late December.
FOG: Spooky, inspirational, more after the jump…

So I’m home for the holidays too, but unlike my esteemed colleague Matt Davis, getting home involved not a 20-hour flight but a 20-minute ride in the back of my mom’s minivan (to a particularly noxious suburb which, since my last visit, has somehow managed to cram yet ANOTHER outdoor shopping center into its already overstuffed boundaries).

My parents understand that nothing facilitates a happy holiday like a well stocked liquor cabinet—they’re out of olives, though, so I’ve been improvising a dirty martini with pickle juice instead.* It’s not quite as gross as it sounds—the cocktail is a delicate shade of green, with the brininess of the juice offsetting the gin like olives would. It’s only a tiny bit pickley.

There’s nothing like holidays with the fam to bring out the drug-fiending part of my lizard brain that’s been otherwise dormant since I moved out of my parents’ house (improvisations then included apples, dryer sheets, and—in an fit of stoner ingenuity that seemed cool at the time but in retrospect is painfully dorky—the trombone I played in high school band). I’ll shake off these alcoholic tendencies in the new year, but for now, I literally cannot imagine making it through the holidays with my family without a buzz on—and I like my family.

If anyone else has any depraved holiday moments—or necessity-bred cocktail innovations—they would like to share, I think now would be a great time.

*Wikipedia informs me that this variation is called a Fiendtini, which does not in any way make me feel better about drinking it.

In lieu of my normal Christmas activities (baking a cake for Jesus, crying a lot), this year I’ve decided to post my favorite Christmas songs—one a day, all the way until the 25th. While you might not get music as great as this, these songs sure beat all the lousy gifts you’ll have to pretend to like.

Wait, a Christmas song from My Morning Jacket? But Ezra, I thought you hated those reverb-addicted hippies from Kentucky?

Oh, I still do. But if there is one thing I learned from that Christmas goose-craving, crippled, Tiny Tim kid, it’s that now is the time of year to forgive and forget. So for a few more days, me and MMJ have a truce, but come the 26th, it’s WAR!

MP3:
My Morning Jacket - Xmas Curtain