Live from the cultural event of the evening, First Thursday Blazers vs Miami Heat at the Rose Garden. Once again, I’m bringing the steamy live blog action—the slander, the typos, the seething hatred for “Blaze” the mascot—to the masses.

Pregame
Tipoff is a full 30 minutes away, a later start time than normal since the game is a rare national broadcast (you can thank Greg Oden for that) on TNT. I assume the delay is due to Craig Sager's wardrobe demands. He dresses like a Dick Tracy villain.

While the Heat have the worst record in the Eastern Conference, they pack a whole lot of star power. Dwyane Wade, coach/author Pat Riley (not to be confused with the other Pat Reilly, author of Harnessing the Unicorn: How to Create Opportunity and Manage Risk) and the big boy himself, Shaq-Fu. More about Shaq later, let us see how Riley's book is selling: "215 Used & new from $0.01" Ouch.

Shaq talks through the national anthem, further proof his hatred for America knows no end.

First Quarter:
The Blazers have dropped five straight to Miami, and each of those games has been H-U-G-E for Wade. It's a good time though for the Red & Black to get a win, especially since Miami is struggling, and the Blazers are coming off a motivating road win in Memphis. Plus it's a near-sold out crowd here, which is pretty rare. It's actually so loud that it's distracting me from watching the Bears vs Redskins game on the tiny press row TV.

11:11 - Ok, I am not lying, Shaq just sat on Joel Przybilla's face and "accidentally" smacked him with the ball. Seriously. A charge on Shaq and then a dirty flop atop Przybilla. Wow, that was fucked up. Przybilla has been down on the ground for about a minute now seeking medical attention. In all my years of NBA games, that was one of the most insane plays I have ever seen. Very weird.

9:58 - Webster fouls Shaq hard, the crowd goes nuts.

7:16 - Przybilla "bumped his head" and has a "probable return." In other news, Wade gets every call, every time. 13-8 Heat

6:08 Blake hits a three and ties it all up, LaMarcus Aldridge puts the home team ahead: 15-13 Blazers.

3:54 - Wade who? Brandon Roy drops a sweet little layup after slicing the lane, Blazers up 20-16 and Miami calls a timeout. Ricky Davis has entered the game, and if you remember a few years back, Ricky doesn't think much of the Blazers and their fans.

0:50 - Travis Outlaw is looking mighty confident as he drains a jumper, meanwhile in old news, Alonzo Mourning is a total dick.

0:05 - Sergio Rodriguez ends the quarter on a high note as he drives and dishes to Channing Frye for a quick dunk. 30-25 Blazers

Second Quarter:
Nice start for Portland. Other than the bruised skull of Przybilla and some foul trouble (which might come back to haunt them later in the game), the Blazers look very good so far and are shooting 54% from the field.

11:40 - The Vanilla Gorilla has returned!! Outlaw celebrates with a dunk. 32-25 Blazers

9:44 - Oh hello James Jones, where the hell have you been all season? Your three-pointers are welcome here. 37-29 Blazers

5:56 - Wade missed a layup, Shaqster rebounds and then proceeds to clank his layup as well. Jarrett Jack goes coast-to-coast and is fouled. 43-36 Blazers

3:18 Back to back threes for Jones, it's nice to have him back. Then he blocks a shot and it leads to a huge dunk by Aldridge. Miami calls time but you can't even hear the whistle. Wow. 53-38 Blazers

0:27 JAMES JONESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! 56-42 Blazers

THIRD QUARTER:
Portland has picked an excellent game to play like this. Being their second nationally televised game in as many years, the first being the opening night lost to San Antonio, they are showing off when it counts the most. Now if they can keep it up for another 24 minutes...

9:24 - Given the chance to sing karaoke, Channing Frye would sing "Pour Some Sugar On Me," much to the delight of the crowd. Good to know. 60-48 Blazers

6:11 - Oh shit! Roy guns for Sportscenter Top Plays with a graceful drive and layup, Miami timeout. 67-54 Blazers

3:08 - Reversal dunk courtesy of Outlaw. But the Heat are trimming that lead... 73-65 Blazers

0:01 - Wade lays it in just as the clock expires and the lead is shrinking. 77-73 Blazers

Fourth Quarter:
10:32 - Thanks to some Rodriguez trickery, and a timely three by Jack, Blazers back up 84-77. It's clutch time and where is big Shaq Diesel? Also, if the Blazers get 100+ points, and thus Chalupas for all, what are the odds I'll run into Shaq at the Taco Bell later? Good? Or great?

5:59 - Wade lays it in—with flair—and the once glorious 16 point lead is now down to a mere one point. 88-87 Blazers.

2:22 - Roy torches Ricky Davis and pads the lead to 97-90, which is good since Dwyane Wade has that "I'm about to score 14 unanswered points" look in his eyes. Can Portland hold on?

1:56 - OH SHIT! Outlaw with the biggest dunk of his career, that shit is going on a poster. 100-90 Blazers.

112-106 Blazers
God lord, what a game. The Blazers look better tonight than they have in a real long time, plus doing it on a national stage and in dramatic style (lots of acrobatic dunks, blocked shots) has to really help the franchise.