Live from domestic partnership night at the Rose Garden as the hottest team in the NBA, the Portland Trail Blazers, take on the last place, worst record, shame-filled, Minnesota Timberwolves.

Watch out!! There’s a wolf in those timbers! Oh sorry, it’s just that super-realistic logo. Phew, that was close. I thought it was going to be like this.

That photo is so cute, it looks like they are dancing.

Pre-Game:
The last time the Blazers lost a game of competitive basketball was December 2nd (to the world champion San Antonio Spurs), and after 11 straight wins, the streak (their longest in six years) doesn't look to end tonight.

Minnesota sucks.

I mean, the state is fantastic—with its Husker Du, Lake Minnetonka and Paul Wellstone—but the basketball team with the scary snarlin' wolf, they are no good. The TWolves are in a rebuilding era similar to what the Blazers went through the past few seasons. And just like that dark era of Blazers baketball, Sebastian Telfair is along for the ride. Thankfully for everyone in the 503, the pillowcase-pistol-packin' Telfair is the starting point guard for Minnesota, and not the Blazers.

Not to be overconfident but I expect tonight to be like the Harlem Globetrotters vs. the Washington Generals. I expect the Blazers to win the game, and in the process, also spin the ball playfully on their extended finger, dunk via another player's shoulders and toss a bucket of confetti on someone.

Hilarity, here we come!

First Quarter:
9:52 - Minnesota has yet to score. I smell a 99-0 shutout coming. 2-0 Blazers.

7:35 - Telfair makes a jumpshot. Too bad he didn't make more of those a few years back. 8-6 Portland.

3:56 - You know a dunk is good when you end up on the floor, flat on your back, when you are finished. Martell Webster, that was one nice dunk. 16-12 Blazers.

0:27 - You sort of knew that was coming. Travis Outlaw. The Ball. Two points. We've been seeing that all month (and streak) long. 25-19 Blazers.

Second Quarter:
After one quarter, it's not quite the comedic blowout I hoped for seeing how the home team has been chucking up the long balls without much luck (29%), but odds are, they'll start hitting those and pulling away.

9:23 - Grumble, grumble, goes to Rose Garden. Gerald Green, last year's dunk champion, just did a pretty 'lil windmill number, and then tubby Antoine Walker drives in for his very own layup. All of a sudden the worst team in the NBA is up, 31-30.

7:19 - Travis Outlaw, that balled just went through your legs. Do I need to specify what team is the Globetrotters and what team is the Generals? Are we confused? Good lord. 35-33 Scary forest wolves.

5:45 - Gerald Green mugs James Jones on a three-point attempt. Jones ends up in the crowd. Green ends up with a foul. And I end up with this delicious cotton candy I just ordered from the friendly vendor man. Want some? It's delicious. 36-35 Midwest.

3:45 - Steve Blake deserves some cotton candy. He just missed a shot, but out-hustled a sea (a forest?) of Timberwolves for his own rebound, and then downed a three-pointer. Tied up, 42 all.

3:00 - Rashad McCants just got blocked by LaMarcus Aldridge. Bad. Really goddamn bad. The TWolves call a time out to talk it over, or to just start sobbing uncontrollably. Maybe both. 44-42 Blazers.

1:05 - Steve Blake for another three and laser sound effects (and a Minnesota timeout) follow from the Rose Garden PA. Wolves hate lasers and they looked pissed. 54-46 Portland.

Third Quarter:
9:50 - Finally Al Jefferson decides to show up. The TWolves top player was held to an unimpressive six points in the first half, but he quickly drops a couple shots and pulls Minnesota within five. 57-52 Blazers.

7:31 - Evidentially Al Jefferson didn't know that Joel Przybilla is from Minnesota, because he's schooling the Vanilla Gorilla in the art of scoring when you want and how you want. This isn't the Midwest charm I was expecting from the folks from Lake Wobegon, what gives? Jefferson's 14 points leads all scorers and Blazers, don't look behind you, the visitors are gaining ground. 60-59 Portland.

5:33 - Corey Brewer must have just broken both ankles, as Brandon Roy torched him down the lane and added some much needed breathing room for the Red & Black. 64-59 Portland.

3:36 - Telfair catches Steve Blake with a flying elbow... and then jumps on him from the top rope. Congrats, Sebastian, you truly are the People's Champ, the belt is yours. 70-65 Portland.

0:00 - And that is how you end a quarter! Rashard McCants has a ball bounce off his face, thus leading to a Blazers fastbreak basket by Jarrett Jack. Then, as time is winding down, Travis Outlaw swats Al Jefferson in dramatic fashion. It was as if he was the very hand of God, reaching down from the heavens to smite poor Al. Or not. Regardless, the crowd is pumped and it's 78-69 Portland.

Fourth Quarter:
10:32 - To the chants of "MVP, MVP," Brandon Roy starts to take over with a quick 5 straight points. I appreciate a crowd that roots for their best player, but MVP? Really? He only has 16 points. LeBron scored 30 while I typed this. But the Blazers have 84 and the TWolves only have 69. The route starts now...

7:47 - If Roy makes the all-star team, he owes Marko Jaric a muffin basket. Poor Marko (Polo!), he's been the fall guy in this episode of The Brandon Roy Show. It's a like a highlight reel every Blazers' offensive possession. 89-74 Portland.

6:19 - Outlaw dunks it home and all of a sudden Craig Smith has a band-aid on his face. Did the dunk do that? Hey, I like "Hot In Here" as much as the next live-blogger, but I'm not sporting a cosmetic band-aid. 93-74 Blazers. Chalupas and win number 12, coming soon...

4:01 - Note to Minnesota: You lost. Stop trying. This 8-0 run is no way to treat your generous Portland hosts. 93-82 Blazers.

1:17 - Aldridge with the Chalupa bucket (ugh, that sounds gross) and it's 100-89 Blazers. 12 wins in a row, here they come...

0:00 - A (non-baker's) dozen for the Blazers! 12 in a row for the NBA's youngest team. Wow!

Final score, Portland 109, Minnesota 98.