Dear Readers of the Mercury:
As you know, we are currently in the midst of our annual and extremely awesome MERCURY ONLINE CHARITY AUCTION, in which local celebs, businesses and more donate great stuff, you bid on it, and then all the proceeds go to SISTERS OF THE ROAD, a fantastic nonprofit that helps feed Portland’s homeless.
Please show your generosity this season by bidding as much as you can for each item… EXCEPT FOR ONE: KITSCHY COLLECTIBLES. Here’s the description:

Dear ashamed, former New Kids on the Block fans: When you win this amazing set of vintage New Kids on the Block dolls from Billy Galaxy (912 W Burnside), we’ll promise not to picture you doing the “Hangin’ Tough” dance in a pair of unstrapped overalls. In other fanatic fan news, Bridge City Comics (3725 N Mississippi) has donated some excellent Buffy the Vampire Slayer comics to the auction (#1 is signed by artist Georges Jeanty), which will look great in your Joss Whedon shrine. And since the rest of your pad could use some sprucing up, we’re throwing in a $50 gift certificate to Really Good Stuff (1332 SE Hawthorne), a fantastic junk/treasure shop in the very best sense of the phrase. (Maybe they’ll even have a “Step by Step” backpack for you.)

Currently the bid on this item is $36—HOWEVER! I am willing to pay at least $75 for these terrific dolls which I intend to see underneath my tree this Christmas. So do not break my heart this holiday season. DO NOT BID ANY FURTHER ON THESE NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK DOLLS. They are MINE, motherfreaker!!

Here’s “Hangin’ Tough.”

Don’t forget, bidding ends THIS FRIDAY, Dec 14 at 4 pm!