Stop googling yourself!

Bubbles: "Ricky there's a samsquanch trying to get into my shed!"

ha. samsquanch.

i'm watching you like a shit hawk

nice shit analogy.

"ricky, what's a shit rope?"

Never Cry Shitwolf. Because the Shit Apple Never Falls Far From The Shit Tree......

A shit spark that turned into a shit flame that started a shit wildfire that was eventually extinguished by a shit tsunami

Randy just doesn't understand. I mean I love him dearly, but I hate Ricky more. I just don't want to have to put up with that prick for the rest of my life. You know, he grew up as a little shit-spark from the old shit-flint. And then he turned into a shit-bonfire and then driven by the winds of his monumental ignorance, he turned into a raging shit-firestorm. If I get to be married to Barb i'll have total control of Sunnyvale, and then I can unleash a shitnami tidal wave that'll engulf Ricky and extinguish his shit-flames forever. And with any luck, he'll drown in the undershit of that wave. Shit-waves.

you smell that? the shit wind's a-blowin

He's takin' the shit tornado right back to Oz.

I read your article, and to be perfectly blunt, I hate it. It's everything a serious bigfoot researcher would loathe. Of course, people who believe in bigfoot are one of those "easy target" groups that everyone feels open season to make fun of - like D&D nerds and tenacious Michael Jackson fans. Mind you, this is not a personal attack - for all I know, you may be a perfectly lovely person in your day to day life, who unfortunately feels the need to write the majority of your Mercury pieces in an obnoxious, dumbed-down style. I have a feeling you're actually capable of more intelligent and mature writing, and have seen some examples that would support this, but for whatever reason - maybe it's an editorial edict - you choose to present yourself as a bombastic moron. Or maybe I'm giving you too much credit and you really are just a bombastic moron. Either way, I'm going to have to go with Phil Busse's feature several years before yours in the same paper on the same topic - a much better piece of journalism. There's a way to be funny, provocative and maybe even to have populist appeal and still be intelligent and cultured. Raise the bar, bro. Find something to believe in, and treat other peoples' beliefs with some respect, or you'll end up not much better than the shit-obsessed freaks who posted the comments above.

AK

I was visiting a friend in Portland and came across your article. Have you thought of writing for the National Enquirer? It might be a step up for you. Nobody has written about Bat Boy for some time.

Do you feel that Randy? The way the shit clings to the air.