1.ROMNEY!! Looks just like his dad. This is a portrait of the presidential candidate (10) with his dad, taken in 1957. Weird.
MINI-ME: One Miiiillion Mormons…

2.MORTGAGES!! Former Federal Reserve chairman Alan Greenspan ignored pleas seven.years.ago to do something about the boom in shady loan providers. That would be the boom in shady loan providers that’s propped up this country’s economy since the technology crash and the implosion of which, it would seem, is about to land several million of us out of a job. Great depression, anyone? Na, it’s the Great Seasonal Affected Disorder. Move with the times!

3.BEER!! Jack Joyce, the owner of Rogue Ales in Newport, Ore., says the cost of barley has skyrocketed, forcing him to raise prices. FINALLY. Something worth worrying about.
DRINKING TO FORGET: More expensive than ever…

4.KGB!! MBA!! Russian tech entrepreneur Oleg Shvartsman admits at a Silicon Valley conference that his equity group is basically running money for Russia’s domestic and overseas spying agencies. Shvartsman, himself trained in the KGB, has so-called business ethicists (an oxymoron, admittedly) concerned.
SHVARTSMAN: Fluffy-wuffy teddy bear of a man…not menacing in the slightest…you’d trust him with your kids…AND the guy’s got money to invest in U.S companies…well, OLEG, come on round!!!

5.WOMAN GROPES SANTA!! Don Imus toys with “hoe hoe hoe” reference.

6.BUSH/CLINTON!! Bill Clinton says Hillary will send him and George W.Bush’s father, George H.W.Bush (or whatever) round the world, the instant she is president.

“Well, the first thing she intends to do, because you can do this without passing a bill, the first thing she intends to do is to send me and former President Bush and a number of other people around the world to tell them that America is open for business and cooperation again,” Clinton said in response to a question from a supporter about what his wife’s “number one priority” would be as president.

Is it just me, or does a politician’s relationship with his father seem to play an important role in whether or not he’s fit to govern, these days? Perhaps we should all just vote for Romney and be done with it. Or what about this guy, whose relationship with our holy father, the LORD AND SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST, could not, it seems, be closer?

HUCKABEE: Encouraging you to forget Iraq, the economy, and focus on what’s “really important this Christmas”…RELIGION!!!

Sorry about the subtlety of that message. The worst of it is, it’ll probably work for him—why do we even bother holding elections in this country? Can’t we just nuke Iowa and be done with it?

Good day. And please, don’t waterboard me for that nuke comment. It was a “joke.”