• In regards to their nuclear activities, President Bush calls on Iran to “come clean.” Pot, meet the black kettle.

• Barack Obama moves ahead in the Iowa poll to 32 percent, with Clinton and Edwards tied at second with 25 percent each. We got us a horse race, folks!

• Yet another poll tells us that this holiday season, consumers are much more likely (62 percent) to give environmentally green gifts. That’s right, grandma, you’re getting another Chia Pet! (This one is shaped like Garfield! HAW!!)

• And ANOTHER study shows that the Department of Homeland Security is a fucking joke; spending billions to fund their repeated failures. (Maybe a Bart Simpson Chia pet would be better… )

• To compete with the unfuckwithable iPhone, Nokia is promising free music downloads for a year. That’s nice… but c’mon. Even the iPhone is a big piece of poop compared to THE DREAMPHONE! (Sigggghhhhh… Chad is so dreamy!)