• Pakistan opposition leader Benazir Bhutto was assassinated today in a suicide attack that also killed at least 20 others. Her death has sparked rage and chaos, raising grave concerns for the country, which, yes, has nuclear capabilities. Uh-oh.

• Republican presidential hopeful Mike Huckabee has changed his moderate stance toward immigrants. Now he hates them.

• President Bush signs legislation to allow a needle exchange program in Washington. I just need one needle—to stick in my eye every time Bush does something stupid.

• Former star of The O.C., Mischa Barton, was pulled over last night in West Hollywood and charged with a DUI, possession of illegal narcotics, AND driving without a license. SOB! Our little girl is growing up!

• According to the Oregonian, the snow is on its way, but should be gone by the afternoon. But don’t tell your boss that.

• Good news, everybody! The tigers at the Oregon Zoo probably, most likely WON’T maul and kill you. How come? Because this widdle-biddy cuddly tiguh is too adowable and sweepy! AREN’T YOU JUST A SWEET WIDDLE TIGUH?