The Mercury’s #1 resolution for 2008? HAVE MORE FUN, MOTHERFREAKERS! Actually, that’s been our top goal for every year, ever since we sprang into existence. So for those of you who don’t like us now—you’ll REALLY think we stink in ‘08!
Bearing that in mind, let’s pick out some choice events for tonight, this holiest of all eves (for drunkards, that is). Here are my faves, lovingly supplied by Mercury social gadfly Ned Lannamann.

PRINCE VS. MICHAEL JACKSON—Determine the true King of Pop at this themed dance party. (I predict Prince wins by a nose. Zing!) w/DJ Dave Paul, Indica Jones; Berbati’s Pan, 10 SW 3rd, 9 pm, $10-12

RHYTHM OF THE NIGHT—Cancel your plans for 2008, because ’80s superstar El DeBarge is gonna ring in your new year, and you’ll need all 12 months to recover from this evening of awesomeness. w/Lakeside; Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside, 9 pm, $45, 21+

FIR BALL—Can’t decide which of David Lowery’s bands you like best? No need to choose, because Camper Van Beethoven and Cracker face off in an epic New Year’s battle of quirky alt-rock. Doug Fir, 830 E Burnside, 9 pm, $40

DANCE PARTY—The new year can be a time for reflection and resolution, but you’ll have way more fun shaking your ass to this fantastic lineup of DJs. w/Linger & Quiet, DJ Beyonda, DJ Linoleum, DJ 1996 Olympics; Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison, 9 pm, $10-12

WAREHOUSE BASH—Shake those last remnants of 2007 good-bye at this all-encompassing celebration that includes performances by MarchFourth Marching Band and Dahlia. w/DJs Heather, Ravi, Mercedes, Loki, Zita; On Air, 1300 N River (under the Fremont Bridge), 8 pm, $25-30, all ages

2008-BIT—Get down to the thick beats and old-school synths of Copy, and then come back up to the expansive dementia of Panther. w/DJ Brokenwindow, DJ Hostile Tapeover; Someday Lounge, 125 NW 5th, 9 pm, $10 or $20-25 for four venue pass

STRIPPERS—So you’re a grownup now, and you can spend New Year’s any way you please. And damn it, you want to see naked ladies and fire dancers, with some badass rock bands providing the soundtrack. w/Western Aerial, Tripolar; Devil’s Point, 5305 SE Foster, 9 pm, $5

And there’s a lot more where that came from! Check out all the fun here, and have a great New Year! (At least as great as these guys.)