you're not allowed to bid on your own auctions

Mix up a solution of one part distilled water and one part whole milk. (Best if you put it in a sports bottle.) After you get pepper-sprayed, have someone squirt the milk solution directly into your eyes. It'll help.

one part vineager to two parts milk is also good for getting rid of hangovers.
thanks
Patrick

Vinegar in my eyes?!

When you get pepper sprayed, your first instinct will be to wipe it out of your eyes with your hands. A good idea, I suppose, but now it's all over your hands. Whatever you do, if you've touched the pepper spray DO NOT URINATE UNTIL YOU WASHED YOUR HANDS. Or at least don't touch your penis when you do.

Seriously, man, that was possibly worse than the initial pepper spraying, even though I did it about four hours afterwards.

Is this going to be police-strength pepper spray, or some bullshit mace from 7-11. Because I've never been maced, but supposedly it's not nearly as strong as the police stuff.

no no no,
not in the eyes!
right before you go to bed, presumably while still drunk, after making sure there is nothing between you and the toilet, you drink the vineager and milk... it will make you puke up stuff that your blue painted ancestors once thought about eating or drinking, including the alcohol you consumed. you will puke up fast enough and hard enough that you will sober _very_ quickly! I once watched a guy do it in college... which brings up another point by the way.
for those of you who are inclined to do things just because someone suggested it on the internet, I would like to mention that I am NOT a doctor, a nurse, a veternarian, or a paramedic, nor do I play one on TV, in Second Life or on the Mercury Blog, so taking my advice as a health remedy is probably not a good idea, even in the privacy of your own home.
thanks
Patrick

Also (if it is the police-caliber stuff) your burning eyes will be the first thing you notice, but your burning skin will happen a few minutes later. And the only way you get rid of that is a big long shower (45 minutes or so). And even then your girlfriend will not sleep with you because you will make her feel sick when you come too close. I'm not exaggerating.

Don't worry, "no one," my wife already feels that way.

Now: It's going to be the cops' old strength or less, which is about 500,000 Scoville heat units. They just started using 2million, but it's too strong for me. So half a mill it is.