Live from the Rose Garden as the Portland Trail Blazers take on the Houston Rockets, all the way from the Dirty DIrty. It seems like it has been awhile since the Blazers have been at home (and I’ve worn the live blog hat, which is more of a fedora, really), but tonight’s game should be quite exciting. Houston is stacked with talent: Yao Ming, Tracy McGrady, Rafer Alston, Shane Battier, Lil’ Flip, Scarface, Bushwick Bill, Willie D, Chamillionaire, Paul Wall, Slim Thug, Mike Jones…

More sizzurp guzzling live blogging, and Chopped and Screwed references, after the jump.

Pre-Game
After the longest road trip of the year, seven grueling games, the Blazers return to Portland and take on the red hot, and red uniformed, Houston Rockets. The Rocketeers have won 8 of their last 10, and are starting to look like the late round playoff team they are supposed to be.

The game is about to start and the national anthem is being sung by The Oregon Children's Choir. Children on the same court as Dikembe Mutombo? Is this a good idea?

First Quarter:
10:41 - Yao Ming is intimidating in person, you sort of forget that while watching him on television, but the dude is huge. Huge being 7"6. Not as tall, but equally as intimidating, is Brandon Roy, who has a quick 5 points. 5-2 Blazers.

6;37 - Yes, the whistles work just fine. We get it. There have been seven fouls so far, 4 for the home team, 3 for Houston. Looks like one of those games. 13-9 Blazers.

5:01 - Martell Webster, off a Tracy McGrady turnover, takes it coast to coast for the dramatic layup, and the foul. 18-9 Portland.

2:50 - And down goes Yao. Przbilla did the 'ole pull the chair out trick, and Yao lands on his butt, plus takes Joel with him. Foul on Yao. 18-11 Blzrs.

1:06 - Oh that was awesome! Bomzi Wells checks into the game for Houston and gets boed. Seriously booed. He then turns, smiles, and waves to the crowd. 23-16 PDX.

Second Quarter:
15:00 - Ahmad Rashad is in the house, ironically wearing a bright purple Cosby sweater. Hmm, that's odd. I assume he is trying to win back his ex-wife.

10:15 - The usually dependable Blazers bench is a mess. Since Roy has been on the pine, Houston has easily rallied back into the game. Goodbye 12 point lead! 23-23 tie.

9:59 - Sergio Rodriguez the steal, to Jarrett Jack, to Travis Outlaw for a monster D-U-N-K. 27-23 Portland.

5:19 - Tracy McGrady misses a mammoth reversal alley-oop dunk. Maybe it's because he has a girl's name. Yeah, that's probably it. 34-33 Rockets.

3:02 - Roy for three! Boom!! That's a quick 5 in a row for Roy. 42-37 Blazers.

0:00 - Tonight is Brandon Roy's night. When he has been on the court, the team has been fluid, and confident. When he has been sitting, well, not so much. 50-42 Blazers at the halfway point.

Halftime:
Why does Portland get no respect from the national media? Oh yeah, because we have Ultimate Frisbie games as a halftime show. The good news is that I am going to buy some kind bud from that guy with the ponytail. Humboldt eye-bleeder? Fuck yeaaaaahh, broseph.

We have a lot of fun here, but time for a serious discussion on the growing acts of Mascotcide committed by Blaze, the unfortunate Blazers mascot. In the past few weeks he has murdered the Utah Jazz mascot (Crushing him, along with his car, by wrecking ball. Yes, mascots evidentially have their own whips.), and tonight, he helped direct traffic over the fuzzy mascot corpse of the Clutch "the Rockets Bear." Somewhere a Furry sheds a single tear for these senseless acts of mascot-on-mascot violence.

Third Quarter:
10:19 - The Rockets find the hidden seven point basket, and quickly make this a 50-49 game. Timeout Portland.

7:07 - Everyone's got a case of the turnovers. 25 total for both teams so far. 56-51 H-Town.

6:02 - Halfway through this quarter and the Blazers have scored not one, but two whole points.

2:54 - No touching the Yao! Channing Frye finds this out the hard way, with another Blazers foul. Still only eight points for Portland this quarter, yet still it's only a two point game. 60-58 Houston.

2:30 - Who is that chap in the James Jones jersey? It's not the real Jones, because he just airballed a three-point attempt. That ain't right.

0:00 - Sergio stripped of everything but his faux-hawk, and the quarter ends in a 62-62 tie.

Fourth Quarter:
9:57 - Outlaw in the corner. Outlaw for three. Just like that, it's 68-66 Portland.

7:30 - He'll feel it tomorrow. Hell, he'll feel it tonight. But Brandon Roy throws himself at the tree trunk limbs of Yao, and now the Rockets center, who is the size of a planet, has five fouls. 72-71 Rockets.

4:26 - Want to know what happens when you give the Rockets a second chance on offense? Tracy "Girl's Name" McGrady hits a three. That is what happens. 77-73 Houston.

2:49 - It's all slipping away when the Blazers are getting torched by Carl Landry. Ugh. 82-73 Houston.

1:44 - It's over kiddies. It's hack-a-Rocket time, as Houston's late push, and Portland's complete lack of offense in the second half, have sealed this game. Remember, Portland had 50 points at the half. They have had 27 since then. Not good. 87-77 Rockets.