Following last week’s alleged anti-Arab discrimination, today I bring you a couple attempting to sue THE LORD. Fortunately, the usual caveats about these being “allegations and not facts” don’t really apply. Although you may wish to consider the allegations themselves as blasphemy. But that’s totally your call…

GOD: IN THE DOCK…

Well, not the Lord and savior, Jesus Christ, specifically. But God in the general sense, in his almightiness, and for “acting.” Specifically, for sending a hurricane to Astoria. This lawsuit, brought by Betty Becker and Gary Whitney, owners of the yacht American Dream, has no defendant, specifically (other than God). It is, in fact, a procedure under maritime law seeking to limit Becker and Whitney’s liability for damage done to other yachts allegedly by the American Dream during a hurricane in Astoria harbor on December 3, 2007:

The severe storm caused a number of boats in the Mooring Basin, including American Dream, to break loose from their moorings. After breaking loose, American Dream was blown through the Mooring Basin and in doing so, allegedly came in contact with the following vessels: Cindy Sue, Orion, Dhochas, She’s A Lady, Moonshadow, Andante, Fairanne and the work boat Sentinel, before coming to rest on the Mooring Basin’s T-dock.

Great names, eh? I like She’s A Lady the best—reminds me of Tom Jones. But here’s the point:

The incident was not caused or contributed to in any manner by any fault, neglect or want of due care of plaintiffs or either of them, and was entirely occasioned without the privity and knowledge of plaintiffs.

In other words, they tied the boat down.

The incident and damages described herein were rather caused by the fault, negligence or want of due care of others and/or by vis major in that the storm was of unexpectedly catastrophic proportions and the accident could not have been avoided by human skill or prudence.

Vis major is Latin for a “superior force,” or act of God—and seeks to hold him (the Lord) financially responsible. The lawsuit seeks an injunction protecting American Dream from lawsuits brought by the owners of the other yachts, and a limit on American Dream’s ultimate liability. After the accident, the American Dream is estimated to be worth $475,000, and under maritime law, Becker and Whitney are seeking to limit their total liability to that amount by filing the suit. That’s assuming any of those other eight yacht owners are able to establish any legitimate claim against them over the coming months.

I don’t know about you, but I’d have loved to have seen that accident: A $475,000 yacht plowing into eight other yachts before crashing into the harbor? I’d imagine it looked less like the American Dream than burning money. Then again, perhaps they’re synonymous.