MICKIE AND MINNIE: Healthy attitude to boy/girl twindom…or were they, in fact, lovers?

Later, Mercury editor Wm.Steven Humphrey will “DEFEND HIS PEOPLE” on the Alabama man who yesterday threw his four children off a bridge. But first, he has insisted, it’s my turn. To defend this:

LONDON, England (CNN) — British twins who had been separated at birth learned they were related only after they had become husband and wife, a senior British lawmaker said. The marriage has been annulled.

What. The. Holy hell? Where to begin? I mean, chucking your kids off a bridge is one thing. But this defies reason.

Him: When’s your birthday?
Her: Same as yours.
Him: Fascinating. Cup of tea, dear?
Her: Yes please love. Two sugars.
Him: Same as me! I always did have a sweet tooth.
Her: What lovely hands you have, pouring that Darjeeling.
Him: Thank you darling. Notice I have a distinctive mole on my left thumb, in the shape of an archeoptryx?
Her: Incredible. It matches a mole of my own, just below my coccyx.
Him: Oh, realllly? How far is your archeoptryx below your coccyx?
Her: Here, I’ll show you.

SICK BRITS:Smell a rat yet?

Him: You were born in Shropshire?
Her: Yes, Shropshire.
Him: Lower East Shropshire?
Her: Yes. Next to the…
Him: Coal pit?!
Her: Me too!
Him: In nineteen-sixty..
Her: Eight!!
Him: Of course, I never knew my real parents. I was adopted, you see.
Her: Me too.
Him: I think we should get married.
Her: Splendid.

Defies defense, I’m afraid. I apologize, on behalf of my nation, and all my people. Coming up: the bridge-chucker. Steve?