It’s Wednesday, January 16. LET’S MAKE SOME NEWS!

• Hillary Clinton whips “uncommitted’s” ass in Michigan! WOOT! She must be so proud.

• Mitt Romney scores big in Michigan as well, proving that God doesn’t necessarily despise Mormons.

• Clinton and Obama violently agree that race is not important in a presidential election, and yet refuse to shut up about it.

• After attempting to contact a co-defendant, an angry judge DOUBLES O.J. Simpson’s bail. Now do you believe in karma, Juice?

• And finally, The ONION NEWS NETWORK brings us this shocking story which alleges that Mitt Romney might actually be tolerant of homosexuals.

Mitt Romney Defends Himself Against Allegations Of Tolerance