Obama and Hillary… you’re going to HOLLYWOOD! (For a 90 minute debate tonight. Bring me back a souvenir!)

It’s been discovered that our stay at home troops aren’t combat ready. So if any other countries are planning to attack us, NOW IS A GREAT TIME.

In case you need another reason to vote for Obama, he wants to decriminalize pot. (But can you wait until at least 4:20? Thanks.)

Britney Spears has been whisked back to the hospital AGAIN for another psychological observation. By now, haven’t we all observed enough?

A Goodwill store in Salem sold a customer’s parked bike. Hmmm… maybe I’ve finally figured out a way to get rid of all the bikes our employees leave lying around…

The Cavs beat the Blazers last night in a last second squeaker. DAMN YOU, REVERSE LAYUP!!