I have a good one. This guy moved in to my apartment with fairly short ceilings. He was about 6'9" so there were some rooms he actually couldn't stand up in totally. Anyway, he had way too much furniture and it didn't fit through the doors so he had to leave some of it in my housemates room that had the balcony off of it where we hoisted the stuff up.
He would just sit around the house all day playing "Wish You Were Here" and "Redemption Song" on his acoustic guitar all day, and walking into your room without knocking.
Then one night, I had some friends over and he got all sorts of coked up and wine drunk and TOOK A SHIT on the living room floor outside his bedroom. I had to clean up the turds and live with the thought of that tall goof squatting down crapping, and then going back to bed without wiping his nasty ass.
ps-He saw my friend out the next night and said "Eh...Shit Happens"

my ambiguously gay roommate (his name is RESSARD and i think he also stole from me) got into my bed while i was sleeping. i woke up and started punching him in the shoulder saying "get out get out get out" his defense was "I WAS TRIPPING ON POT" and then, later the next day, after i told him he had to move out, that i was kicking him out, he said "well, i was thinking that it was about time i moved out, this situation just isn't working for me." what a buffoon.

it gets worse, too. he gave me this really unhealthy addiction to GTA san andreas and vice city.

i also had a very promiscuous hippie roommate (girl) who had a djembe or drum of some kind with a sticker on it that said "freedom of fuckin' speech." we told her we would craigslist her kiln if she didn't pay the rent she owed. probably one of the best good cop/bad cop routines my other roommate and i ever did.

hi,
I moved in with a guy that seemed a nice sort, and in recovery for his alcoholism (10 years). I moved in and this all of a sudden gave him 400 extra a month to spend on things (like booze). it took him about two weeks to start drinking... he was not the nice chummy, giggling drunk, but more the jab fingers at you, yell, threaten to kill you and barge in to your room kind.
I am a pretty laid back guy but it took about 2 months of him yelling and blathering before I told him to shut up... he said he was going to kick my ass and actually tried (I dislocated his shoulder and held him down till the cops showed).
sadly, they let him out of hooper the next morning before I could move my stuff out... after he sobered up all the way and realized I was really moving out he appologized, cried and said he was sorry and that it would never happen again... making it a really akward situation... my response "yeah, right..."

I'm still trying to figure out what kind of weirdo moves in with people they don't know. Of course when even your 'friends' won't live with you I guess that says it all.

divebarwife, one example might be women who don't identify themselves by what their husband does for a living. maybe such women wait to get married beyond the first guy with a bank account they manage to fuck. in the meantime, they need to split rent (ahem, pay their own rent at all), and their friends may already have places when they find themselves looking.

in summary, don't be such a cunt.

Snap!

I had a crazy roommate who among many other things was convinced she had to keep a Styrofoam cup filled with water in the microwave at all times and would scream at me if it took it out. That's just plain weird but... Then, she had a friend visiting from out of town who for some reason she wanted me to fuck. I was ambivalent about it, so was the friend, we never hooked up. No big deal right? Crazy roommate seriously FREAKED out on me because I didn't fuck her friend. screaming, crying, playing music really loud and staring at the wall acting like she was going to get a gun. The day before she moved out she said "[Cheesus], you don't think I'm going to pay you that $400 bucks I owe you do you?" I did until that moment. I would have paid twice that just to get rid of her.

and, the first shitty roommate that i mentioned didn't like ratatat and only played (and sang to) john legend. ugh.

DB Wife:

Tough local job market + all your friends leaving town because of said tough local job market + tough housing market = living with weirdos.

Knock off the "let them eat cake" attitude.

I didn't have my shit together once when I was subletting a friend's room for the summer, then had to scramble to find a place when he got back. I was 22 and moved into a place with three divorced guys in their 40s. The one who lived in the other ground floor bedroom was a narcoleptic. I'd come home late from studying or drinking and find him asleep all over the damn house. The worst, though, was when he would fall asleep on the toilet, and I had just come home after a few beers at the bar. Thankfully we had a fenced-in backyard, but dammit if one time I didn't come really close to just pissing on his head.

And the winner is… Peter Noone! Sorry you had to go through that, Peter, but at least you're getting a prize out of it. Email me (marjorie@portlandmercury.com) so I can get you your goodies.

Just to note, the all-time ever winner is described here:

http://www.leshy.net/stuff/001_fecesking.php