Few minutes from tip-off against our neighbors from the north – who, consequently, are exactly the kind of team (14-38) you want to face when you’re sitting on a five-game losing-streak. Official line has Blazers winning by 9(!). That sounds a little high to me…

But there’s some more important news! THERE’S BEEN A TRADE!

Channing Frye and Travis Outlaw have been sent to the Denver Nuggets for….

Nah… But there really was a trade involving the Nuggets and Blazers today. Portland shipped the amazingly named Taurean Green (reminds of Dorian Grey) for the oddly named Von Wafer (think Von Lmo).

I don’t know about that one. Figured Green had some potential, but we’ll see. I’ll try and poke around at half-time and see what I come up with… What we do know is that Wafer has seen about as much NBA action as Green…

Tip-off for this late national game coming soon… No sign of Craig Sager and his bad suits… too bad. Think he worked the early game… And by any chance did you see when Steve Nash blew his nose on Sager’s pocket hanky at the All Star game? Brilliant.

Nice little surprise for the national anthem – Joshua Redman, a jazz saxaphonist in town for the Jazz Fest killed it. He’s playing with his quartet tomorrow and it should be a killer show.

Few more pre-game notes: The Blazers beat the Sonics back on Christmas day, which was then their 11th win in a row. Tonight is the first of a home-and-home series, meaning the Blazers head up to Seattle for another game tomorrow night.

The house goddamn packed right now… the late start cuts out all the stragglers, who otherwise would’ve wandered in during the first quarter.

Oh, and one other thing—saw Darius Miles’ famed whip on the way in, and man, that sucker is something. Just ridiculous as hell. In a good way. Biggest wheels I’ve ever seen. Do they make 26”s?

First Quarter

10:30 - Jarrett Jack again gets the start over Martell Webster… He’s guarding Kevin Durant, which seems like a real tough cover for the smaller Jack. Blazers off to a quick start. LaMarcus drains his first two. 4-0.

6:00 - So much for LaMarcus' quick fast start. He's missed his last... four, five, six? Time to pass it out, buddy. On the other end Durant gets his first two on a smooth, knifing, fast-break layup. And what's this? Jack actually sticks a three? Wow. 11-11.

Blazers asked who they’d sit next to on a long flight. Darius says Jesus, which is all well and good, except the art they show behind him is Jesus from South Park. Bad taste. Channing Frye comes up with the awesome meta-answer: himself in 20 years.

4:00 – Durant checking Roy. Fouls him and Roy drains it. And one… that is, if he would’ve made the free throw. In other news, Robert Swift is the ugliest player in the NBA. There’s a consensus up here on press row – everyone’s laughing at him. And really, they should. He took a bad situation, and with a terrible long red ponytail, a slug goatee, and some ridiculous tattoos, made it worse.

Been noticing a strange trend with Brandon Roy lately – he’s complaining to refs more than he used to. Maybe all this all-star business is going to his head…

Lots of missed baskets… Portland 13, Seattle 16.

2:50 – Although Kevin Durant has yet to really come into his own, he’s still amazing to watch. His moves are smooth like a flowing stream of a feather in the air. Dude is going to really be something, and in the end may well make us regret picking ol’ Greg…

Speaking of Greg, HOLY SHIT! Dude has a badass mowhawk with lines! Oh man… we’re gonna have to talk to him about that one. I’ve been holding out hope for a big ‘ol 70’s fro, but this mowhawk (and indeed it is an honest one – no faux) is really something.

0:00 – Travis for three, which is answered immediately by a lazer from Durant. But does Durant have a fucking badass Mohawk? Hell no. And does he have Brandon Roy, who sticks a wide-open three? No sir, he does not. Bullshit foul call right before the buzzer sends Johan Petro to the line. At the end of one, Portland 23, Seattle 25.

Second Quarter

9:37 – After just making a three, Martell gets fouled on another. Heads to the line for three. He’s got to start making free throws. A shot as pure as his, there’s no excuse. Like I said last game, dude just needs to relax -- yoga, valiuum, sex, whatever. Hits two of three. Blazers up three, 28-25. That paragraph had way to many “three’s” in it.

6:19 - That old Oregon boy Luke Ridnour just knocked down back-to-back triples. Strange to me that he's lost his starting position to Earl Watkins. But then again, we all know PJ Carlisimo is a fucking tool. Spreezy-Weezy (my favorite player) gave him just what he had coming with the chokeout. My only hope is that someone else does the same and PJ gets fired before he has a chance to ruin Kevin Durant's career. Portland 37, Seattle 36.

5:56 – This just in: Sorry ladies. Robert Swift has a right knee sprain. Will not return. Awwww… I’m probably the only one in this entire arena that’s disappointed. Swift is comic gold… Fuck. Get well soon buddy.

3:29 – Blazers on a mini-run here. Outscored Seattle 7-1 in the last three minutes to take a 44-37 lead.

0:00 – Wild few minutes to end the quarter. Fast breaks, turnovers and a now a 10-point Blazer lead. Yeah buddy.

Halftime

A note on the trade: according to Jason Quick from the Oregonian, the Green for Wafer trade was made primarily for size. Green was forced to play shooting guard at practice. Plus Wafer’s got a good outside shot. But primarily, this is a trade that will effect practice more than games.

Third Quarter

8:40 – Although he still can’t seem to find his shot, LaMarcus is still having an impact. He’s got FIVE blocked shots, the last coming on Nick Collison under the basket. And it paid off. On the other end LaMarcus finishes with a dunk on the break. Sonics call a quick timeout, feeling the danger that this thing might get out of hand. I mean, it might get ugly – Robert Swift’s mom ugly. Booyah! Portland 61, Seattle 47.

Petro denied on another feeble attempt at a monster dunk. You suck bro! Don’t even try.

6:39 – Przybilla robbed of a sweet dunk by a shot-clock violation. Sonnofa! On the next possession Jarrett Jack misses everything – and he wasn’t even deep! It was like a 15-footer. What the hell… next Blazer to hit the ol’ dusty trail? One can only hope. Portland, up by ten, take a time out.

The Blazer dancers are trash. Are you feeling me on this one? They’re sloppy like girls from Beaverton on a Friday night. And would it kill them to get at least ONE non-white member on the squad? Shit. Get it together girls – this aint the Dixie.

3:31 – Portland’s offense has gotten The Dumb. That’s ANOTHER fucking 24-second violation. And Seattle aren’t known for their defense. Good lord. These Blazers never do make it easy on themselves, do they? Seattle has whittled down the deficit to six. 63-57.

2:04 - Thunderous two-handed dunk by LaMarcus. And ANOTHER BLOCK by the Portland bigman on the other end. Another fast break. Martell almost comes with a sick dunk before he’s fouled by Earl Watson. Portland’s lead back to nine.

0:00 - A three from Watson and a sweet reverse layup from Kevin Durant that goes in despite a substantial foul brings the Sonics back within three. This is what happens when young teams meet.

After a few foul shots from each side, the Blazers lead it by three as we head to the fourth and final quarter. Portland 70, Seattle 67.

Alright. Blaze the Trail Cat is dunking, and since I’m in press row, no shouting. So I’ll shout it to Al Gore’s internet: YOU SUCK BLAZE!

Fourth Quarter

11:00 – After a defensive three call against the Blazers, Seattle ties things it at 70. Then the Sonics get his with a D-3 call of their own. And then, JESUS CHRIST! The Blazers pick up ANOTHER MOTHERFUCKING SHOT CLOCK VIOLATION! Get a clue. Run some plays. Do something. Seattle should not shut you down.

9:21 – Mo. Men. Tum. Portland has none of it right now. Just looking dazed and confused like they spent the last fifteen minutes with Damon Stoudamire and Sheed in a yellow Hummer. What is going on here. Seattle actually has a one point lead.

And Travis Outlaw steps out of bounds! Another Portland turnover. My lord. Seattle 74, Portland 73.

Jarrett Jack hits a three. Strange I know, but right now I'll take it. And Portland will take a two-point lead.

7:39 - Joel Przybilla is fouled, scores, and it wasn’t a dunk. A banking hook shot. I shit you not. Three point play for Joel. Portland up five.

Jarrett Jack gets away with steps, scores and is fouled. Sshhh. Don’t tell. Misses the free throw. Durant scores with a floater on the other end. That boy can play, and the Sonics are going to him down the stretch. Good stuff.

Alright, I give Jack some shit, and I’m not going to stop in the future, but he’s pulling the Blazers through here. Hits a deep two.

5:42 - On the other end Przybilla knocks the shit out of Durant, taking him to the floor. Durant keeps his composure and hits the free throws. Kid is feeling it. Portland 85, Seattle 79 as Jack fouls Ridnour. Timout, free throws to follow.

LaMarus draws a big-time charge on Kevin Durant. Big because the bucket when in. It was close. Good play young man.

4:19 - After Outlaw gets swatted, Durant gets stripped on the ensuing break. Great defense from Webster to get the strip and avoid the foul. Ball bounces off Durant’s leg and out of bounds. Timeout Portland. They’ve got a seven point lead.

Brandon Roy’s got a new career high with 13 boards.

2:09 – Collison misses a shot right at the rim – a HUGE miss for Seattle. That could be the difference right there. On the other end, Roy draws a foul. MISSES THE FIRST! Oh Antonio Harvey, I heard you behind me saying these were as good as makes! You jinxed it! ROY MISSES THE SECOND!

OH MY. ON THE OTHER END JEFF GREEN SKYS IN FOR AN AMAZING PUT BACK DUNK. HE FLEW ALL THE WAY IN FROM YESTERDAY. HOT DAMN. But it’s also a Goddamn. Roy chucks up an airball.

The Blazers haven’t scored a field-goal since the 6:15 minute mark. Terrible, as Charles Barkley would say. Still, with 1:14 to play, the Blazers are clinging to a three point lead. 87-84.

:39.9 – Travis bum rushes through the lane, soaring for a dunk that probably would not have happened, but Nick Collison bites and fouls Travis, who nails both of his free throws. Blazers up five, which should put an end to their five-game losing streak. Phew.

:11.0 - Sonics manage a two, but the Blazers respond finding a wide-open LaMarcus Aldridge under the hoop. Almost slams away the game, but is fouled and makes one of two. Still, Blazers gonna win this, the Sonics are just wasting our time. They're like Huckabee to the Blazer's McCain. Hillary to Portland's Obama. Just pack it up and get outta town, losers! (Especially you, Clinton.)

Alright—this one’s done. Blazers should’ve won it by more, but I’ve got a good friend in Vegas who is happy Portland didn’t cover. Tomorrow’s matchup in Seattle should be pretty heated. But then again, if Portland can pull their heads out of their asses on offense, the win will come a lot easier.

Final score: Portland 92, Seattle 88. Roy and Travis Outlaw share the high-score for Portland with 19 apiece. Roy grabs a career-high 14 boards.

When it’s all said and done, it’s a near fucking miracle the Blazers pulled this one off. They didn’t score a field goal over the final six minutes…. Jesus.

That’s it from the Rose Garden. Over and out.

-Tonry