Live from a sold out Rose Garden, as the Portland Trail Blazers take on the Los Angeles Lakers. The Lakers have won ten in a row, but they have yet to win a game here in Portland since 2005.

Wow, do you even remember 2005?
Here’s a little time capsule from way back when: George W. Bush was our president, our nation was involved in a pair of endless wars, our economy sucked, and Kobe Bryant was the best player in the NBA. I know, total time warp, right?

Things were just different back then.

Pre-Game:
Good News: Brandon Roy (ankle) is supposed to return to the Blazer's lineup tonight, his first game back in almost a week.
Bad News: They are playing the Lakers.
Good News: James Jones (knee) is returning as well, giving the team the outside shooting presence they so desperately need.
Bad News: They are still playing the Lakers.
Good News: But the Lakers never do well here in Portland. They haven't won a game in the Rose Garden in years.
Bad News: It's still the fucking Lakers! Kobe Bryant, ever heard of him? Remember when he scored like 65 points against the Blazers, slept with Paul Allen's girlfriend, and poured a bag of sugar in the gas tank of Steve Blake's mom's Astro Van? Asshole.
Good News: Stop yelling at me, me. Besides, that game was in Los Angeles, and Ms. Blake's Astro Van had, like, 200,000 miles on it. Dickhole.
Bad News: I hate you.
Good News: I hate you more.

Woah, this is what happens when live blogging interferes with me taking my meds.

First Quarter:
12:00 - I hate the Lakers. That is just a warning for the possible slanderous comments I am about to make. I know, normally my sports coverage is fair and balanced (much like Fox News' political coverage), but tonight I might skew things towards the Blazers, just a wee bit.

11:43 - Kobe Bryant steals the ball and scores. He also kicks a kitten, suffocates an orphan and votes for McCain. See? I'm biased. 2-0 Jerks Lakers.

8:46 - KobeCall™. That is when an opposing player (Martell Webster, in this case) comes too close to precious Kobe anytime during the game. Foul on Webster. Also, since this place is crawling with Lakers fans, I hate to make a blanket statement, but all Lakers fans are dicks. Every single one of them. 8-5 Lakers.

5:51 - Gosh, Ezra. You sure were harsh with that "all Lakers fans are dicks" comment. Oh yeah? You want proof? Here is your proof. Check and mate. 15-10 Lakers.

4:34 - A crippled Brandon Roy torches Kobe for a soft layup (which was goaltended, but whatever) and Steve Blake follows with a three from the corner. Not bad. 19-18 Los Angeles.

3:37 - Anthony Kiedis sighting. Ugh. Let's hope he leaves town when the Lakers leave. And yeah, I know his dad lives here. But if the father of the fat dude from Smashmouth lived here, I wouldn't hate them any less. Ooooh, James Jones is in the game. Welcome back JJ. 21-19 Lakers.

1:51 - KobeCall™ II. Roy got too close to Kobe and the referee, most likely the one getting the autograph, had to blow his whistle. 26-19 Lakers.

Second Quarter:
12:00 - While it might not be as important as we all want this game to be, the atmosphere here at the Rose Garden is electric. Hating Kobe, and the Lakers, is something everyone can get behind. 32-27 Lakers.

10:30 - Kobe makes a pretty highlight. Granted, to me he's Hitler in hightops, but that shit was pretty. 37-31 Lakers.

9:33 - Oh shit! Przybilla and Kobe go at it. Kobe jaws. Joel jaws. Chests are bumped. Double technical on each. Wow. 39-37 Lakers.

8:58 - Anthony Kiedis has the ball. It just bounced to him in the crowd. Weird. Someone give that ball a Hep C vaccine. I'm kidding! Pleasesdon'tsue. 41-37 Lakers.

7:00 - Aldridge with a little finger roll layup and the mighty Purple and Yellow are only leading by one. I'm waiting for Przybilla to come back into the game. I have a feeling he isn't done with Kobe. 46-45 Los Angeles.

4:17 - KobeCall™ III. He double dribbles, but alas, no call. Meanwhile, Roy, without the referees assistance, slices the lane and scores on a great layup. 52-52 tie.

2:29 - BLAKE FOR THREE! Portland has taken the lead. Blake just traded threes with Kobe, but now he did the superstar one better. 60-57 Blazers.

0:13 - Man, it feels like a playoff game. Too bad come playoff time I'll be watching the games on TV, as will the Blazers. Their televisions will just be bigger than mine. But tonight sure feels special. 64-59 Blazers, with a chance to get more. This is, hands down, the best half the team has played in quite awhile.

Third Quarter:
10:19 - Sloppy start of the third for everyone. And I do mean everyone. The weird prize blimp is stuck in the rafters. 66-63 Blazers.

7:08 - Webster for three! Boom. Damn, this game rules. 74-71 Blazers.

6:08 - Steve Blake hurls himself in front of a driving Kobe, and... foul on Kobe?!? Wow. What's next? A good record from Anthony Kiedis? Ha, yeah, that'll be the day. 76-74 Blazers.

4:31 - Aldridge with a one-handed dunk, which—let me check my rule book—is good for two points. Zen master Phil Jackson is not cool with that. Harshed his mellow enough for him to call a time out. 78-74 PDX.

2:41 - Travis Outlaw drains a bucket over Luke Walton. He adds, "Your dad is a stinking hippie." 80-78 Blazers.

1:35 - Nice little turnaround for the home team. The Vanilla Gorilla with a finesse tip-in (a rarity for the clunky center), and then Outlaw nails a 18-footer. 84-78 Portland.

0:00 - Ok, that sucked. Kobe dunked. Kobe stole the ball. Kobe hit a three. All of that happened in a matter of seconds. Woah. 87-86 Lakers. Did I mention I hate the Lakers?

Fourth Quarter:
11:38 - I usually spend these games cursing God for creating Jarrett Jack, but tonight the bald fellow is on fire. 14 points and 8 assists so far. Wow. 88-87 PDX. Kobe is on the bench, for now...

9:17 - James Jones for a HUGE three. He was a few feet behind the line. That should be four points. 95-90 Blazers, their biggest lead of the game.

7:26 - Jordan Farmar Superstar with a flop, and the Lakers crawl right back (without Sir Kobe). 96-95 PDX.

5:47 - Chalupa points, and earlier than usual. Too bad the Lakers seem more motivated now than ever. And Kobe, he's back. 100-100 tie.

5:22 - OH FUCKING SHIT. Aldridge just out-Kobed Kobe and the Lakers. He had a wicked one-handed put back dunk. That was ridiculous. 102-100 Blazers.

2:53 - Roy and Kobe go BOOM and collide. Talent spills out everywhere. Charisma too, but just from Roy. 107-107, tie. The Blazers haven't played like this in a long time, even during their December win streak they hardly played with the passion they are showing tonight. A win tonight could go a long way. Not just this season, but beyond. A loss? Well, that might be very bad.

2:35 - Pau Gasol pokes Aldridge in the eye. The refs give him a delicious chocolate bar. 109-107 Blazers

1:51 - Aldridge on the line, poked eye and all, with a chance to put some space in this Blazers lead. Hits the first. Hits the second. 113-107 Blazers.

0:48 - Geez, this game is just screaming by. Usually the last few minutes take forever, but not tonight. The Lakers have the ball, but Portland still leads 113-107. This is damn exciting.

0:39 - Kobe clanks a three. Blazers get the ball, and Roy is fouled. Hits number one. Hits number two. 115-107 Blazers. This might be it.

0:18 - Kobe fouls Jack, and ladies and gents, the Blazers are going to win this basketball game! No more 10 game winning streak for the Lakers. Wow, this feels great. A Lakers loss and a sad Anthony Kiedis? What could be better? 117-107 Blazers.

0:00 - It's all done. 119-111 Blazers. Well done Portland.