I’LL ADMIT IT. Whenever Celine Dion has a TV special, I TiVo the poop out of it! Why? Because, intentional or not, it’s simultaneously hilarious and stirring. Take for example her opening number from Friday’s “Celine Dion: That’s Just the Woman in Me” CBS special. As she sings the kick-assy “River Deep, Mountain High” please make note of the following:
1) Her face leads me to believe she has cerebral palsy.
2) Her incredibly short gold dress leads me to believe she is vagina-less.
3) Her dance moves were obviously choreographed by Ed Grimley (Martin Short of SCTV fame).
4) At around the 2:00 minute mark, and until the end, Celine starts weirdly panting like a dog, and her back up dancers go absolutely ape-poop retarded.
5) Oh… and all the while, Celine sings the shit out of this song.

Laugh if you like, but this world is better with Celine Dion in it.