Anyone who has read the Oregonian’s hack Sports columnist John Canzano knows that the guy is unintentionally hilarious, a shrill localized version of the schmaltz of Mitch Albom plus the panicked sensationalism of Stephen A. Smith.
But Conzano’s column this morning is one of his finest works, and by “finest works,” I mean a shameless ride upon his majestic moral high horse in which he pointlessly demands the retirement of injured Blazer Darius Miles. While he touches on a few of the reasons Miles has fallen from grace, his primary rational is that Miles hangs out at the Dolphin II, and enjoys the “NBA lifestyle.”
How dare an NBA player enjoy the lifestyle that comes with the job. I’m sure Canzano’s enjoyment of the “sports journalist” lifestyle is totally innocent and pure.
Now, arguing in favor of Darius Miles is like convincing your mother not to get back together with your father, and instead stay with her new drunken boyfriend who drives a forklift and loves NASCAR.
No one likes Miles.
His mom probably likes Brandon Roy more. But he isn’t running for office, and he hasn’t done a goddamn thing wrong in the past few years. If you demand an injured Miles hang up the sneakers for not helping the current team, or living up to his potential, you might as well ask Greg Oden to retire as well. What has he done?
Instead Canzano rants about Miles’s alleged behavior in a strip club with the same tired moral superiority that is usually reserved for those clowns who stand outside the unbuilt Planned Parenthood on MLK with large photos of aborted fetuses. Strip clubs are not illegal. Young men—yes, even professional athletes—attending such clubs, and having a good time, is not something you should even mention in your column. It’s none of your fucking business. Act like a grownup and let Miles’ actions on the court decide his future, and please do not assume that your quasi-racist, puritan values, resonate with all Blazers fans.
As far as I am concerned Canzano, much like Miles, is fair celebrity game. So if anyone spots his shimmering bald dome doing anything morally reprehensible, let us know. We will then report it with the same condemning nature he usually reserves for Miles.
Also, if you want to read some of Canzano’s most appalling work, please check out his awkward attempt at a tear-jerker about a homeless man, and his “hip” take on urban rap music.
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