Well, it’s no Aussie Cheese Fries at Outback, but they’re giving away free pancakes today at IHOP! (Are flapjacks the same as pancakes?) No one alerted me about this earlier, but apparently today is NATIONAL PANCAKE DAY, and International House of Pancakes is celebrating by offering customers a free short stack (three) of buttermilk pancakes. All they ask in return is that you consider making a donation to the Children’s Miracle Network (which provides support to local children’s hospitals).

WELLLLLL, OKAY. I’ll consider it. But they better damn well have some boysenberry syrup!

HOWEVER! You only have till 10 pm tonight! Here are the closest IHOP locations in the Portland area—BUT NO SPEEDING, OKAY? Dead people can’t eat flapjacks. And yes, you can quote me on that.