Not that I am planning my exit from this dear paper, but if I was, I am going out in a giant elephant costume.

The Oakland A’s are looking for a new Stomper!

Now, for those only familiar with the wack t-shirt gun antics of my archnemesis Blaze the Trail Cat, you might not know that there is actually such thing as a great sports mascot. Squatch, Uga, and my personal favorite, the Stanford Tree, are all great mascots, but none can touch Stomper.

He breakdances:

He beatboxes:

He gets hyphy:

The job is as good as mine.