Have you read Simon Oliver and Tony Moore's excellent "The Exterminators?" You should. Then you will know to be afraid: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Exterminators_(comics)

That depends. Did you kill them or were they like that when you found them?

Third consideration: Is Jerry O'Connell around?

breakfast might have tasted like granola with raisins, but the box said corn flakes.

Only worry if the Roach Police show up.

Have an Alibi ready for them.

They're all dead. There's about 50 of em. But I'm thinking: Where's the hive?

They're in the basement for water. Take it seriously. The fact that you've found dead ones means that you have a roach problem, because you might not have seen them otherwise. You should call a professional or spend your free time filling in all the cracks in the foundation, baiting the corners, fixing your leaky pipes, etc. Bait does, in fact, work, but you have to be vigilant and replace the bait as instructed.

Whatever you do, don't spray Raid near the baited areas, because that will keep the roaches away from the bait.

You probably won't find a hive. The fact that you're seeing dead ones is a better sign than just seeing them scurry around. Look for anything that could be a hiding place near where you're seeing these. You can mix boric acid in equal parts with sugar or flour and put it near nearby to kill more of them with relative safety. If you find a way to get rid of them entirely forever, you'll soon be a rich man. :)

A pen infestation, on the other hand, is an entirely different problem. You're doomed to live with that.

You can mix boric acid...

This, of course, will bore them.

If you give them LSDic acid, on the other hand, it will still finish them off ... but what a way to go.

They'll start to think there's a cockroach heaven or something.

Matt, did your landlord just have the building sprayed? I can tell by the tile you probably live in an older building, maybe downtown. You'll never get rid of roaches if you live in an older building, and as long as they're not in your apartment, you should be OK. But I'd ask your landlord to have the basement, at least, sprayed if that hasn't been done already. And screw the boric acid and all that other "natural" stuff. Only poison works. Believe me, I know of what I speak.

Holy crap, you have PENS!

Good luck getting rid of those, Brit-boy. You are screwed.

I know of what I speak. Yesterday, I opened up a box, and I swear to GAWD there were 300 of those suckers in there.

OTOH, those might have been left over from the last time I got drunk and knocked off a Staples.

I just put the pen there to give a size comparison.

I can't believe I just wrote that.

So many dead roaches has me thinking...cockroach civil war.

The pressing question right now is what building do you live in so as the rest of us can avoid living there.

You could write endless essays about how much more horrible the cockroaches are in Portland, while simultaneously mentioning how much larger and more efficient they are in other cities.

And 'the hive'? Portland IS the hive.

Have the insect rights activists gotten a hold of this yet?