Just a friendly reminder that Patton Oswalt hits the Bridgetown Comedy Festival tonight. Dude sold out the Roseland last time he was here; the Mt Tabor mainstage is considerably smaller, so I’d suggest getting there early if you’re entertaining hopes of seeing the show. 10 pm, 4811 SE Hawthorne. Admission is by wristband only; they’re $20 (just for Patton—everything else is $9 show, or the wristband gets you into everything)

Other picks:

Seattle comic David Cope at the Mount Tabor Lounge. He opened for the Cody Rivers show when they came through town a few weeks back and I saw him again on Thursday; he is very funny. He’s performing in the 8:30pm-10 pm slot (which according to the website will be hosted by former Mercury news editor Phil Busse).

Brent Weinbach and the Famous Mysterious Actor Show Players will be at the Eagles Lodge; Eddie Pepitone, who is grouchy and hilarious, hits the Mt Tabor Mainstage at around midnight.

Hit the website above for the full schedule.

Also, as I learned on Thursday evening, it is very difficult to be a respectful audience member when you’re tanked. Moderate your drinking accordingly. (It’s also hard to take notes. The only legible quote in my notebook is: “You don’t have to open your wrists to see color.” I don’t remember who said it or in what context, but that’s an awesome line.)

Southeast Portland was buzzing with campaign events this morning.

At SE 159th, just north of Division, Charles Lewis was directing a neighborhood crew busy filling potholes on a gravel, pitted road.

He was joined by Jefferson Smith, candidate for District 47 rep. We were just steps from the southern edge of the district he’d like to represent, Smith said.

Lewis explains what the event was all about—and why Portland’s streets aren’t treated equally—in this audio clip.

A little closer in, in Woodstock, Mayor Tom Potter joined Sho Dozono for a campaign kickoff. After a dual speech, the pair headed out to knock on doors.

Hear from the mayor and the man who wants to be mayor, in this clip.

So Jeff Smith’s Bone is one of my favorite comics. It’s epic—the phone book-sized complete edition that I have weighs in at 1,332 pages, and it took Smith something like 13 years to complete—but it’s so clever and fun that it goes by in a blink. Funny, smart, and good-hearted, it’s the sort of utterly unique book that’s so well-conceived that it can do things no other book can (like pair up slapstick comedy with graceful allusions to Moby Dick). Kids love it, grownups love it, everybody loves it. It’s great. If you haven’t, read it.

And now: By way of the Hollywood Reporter comes news that Warner Bros. has snagged the rights to Bone, paving the way for a film adaptation. Which could go either way: According to the Reporter’s story, Nickelodeon fucked up previous attempts to adapt the book (“… partly because Smith was displeased that the studio was aiming it for kids and wanted the film to include pop songs”), so we’ll have to see if Warner Bros. has a better approach. If they’re finally able to recapture some of their old-school animation skills (like old-old-school, like Chuck Jones old-school), this thing could be a blast. If they can’t, Bone fans will be stuck wishing somebody else had snagged these rights. (Like, um, oh, I don’t know. Maybe somebody like, say… Pixar? Um, yes. Yes. That’d work.)

Via AICN.

The mayor arguably sets the tone for the rest of the city when it comes to transparency—and transparency has been an issue in this race, thanks to a certain poll and reporting it in the campaign finance database. What do our candidates have to say about the matter?

In areas such as transparency, accessibility, and constituent relations and involvement, what can Portlanders expect from you if elected? How have you demonstrated those values in past roles, or in your campaign?

First up, Jim Lee.

Jim Lee
Position sought: Mayor
Website: blogmayor.com
Financial status: Intends to raise less than $300

By being involved in issues over several decades I have learned that our City’s government can be very accessible—if one knows how to work it.

Our Council members usually are very responsive to constituents. Go down to City Hall, walk into the offices of the Mayor or the Commissioners, and a staff person will meet and discuss your concerns. If that is not enough, it’s easy to buttonhole the principals after Council meetings on Wednesdays and Thursdays.

Then word will get around the building that citizens have concerns about an issue. Lines of communication are very short in City Hall. All five members of the Council have both legislative and administrative responsibilities; they and their staffs must work closely to accomplish what needs to be done.

But we must do our homework and we must be persistent if we are to influence issues, for there are many issues and many interests. There will be opposing views and positions, but any group, or any individual, can be effective—often astonishingly so.

The rest of Lee’s response is after the cut, followed by several of his opponents (with the notable exception of Sho Dozono, who didn’t reply this week). The two newest Mayoral candidates, Christopher Rich and Patricia Stuart, will hopefully be joining us next week, and there’s an even newer guy, Steven Entwisle, who will also be invited to participate.

I have learned to be wary of committees that allegedly promote involvement of citizens in special projects, however. Usually these are instigated by special interests to promote a favorite cause, and operate to deflect and exclude contrary ideas and interests. Here are two examples, one recent, one ancient:

The Charter Review Commission was empowered to overtly promote a “strong mayor“ form of government. It’s leaders claimed, after fifteen months of meetings and testimony, to have gauged the public’s mood to be favorable toward concentrated and hierarchic governance, rather than the diffuse and collegial form to which we are accustomed. That proposition was defeated at the polls 3:1, as it had been five years previously.

Twenty-five years before the same process unfolded with the Performing Arts Committee. Then, as now, I had a good theory of acoustics of concert halls in my hip pocket, together with a firm grasp of the dangers inherent in aggregating different venues into a “performing arts center.” My position before Council on many occasions was twofold: build individual facilities for theater, opera, ballet, and symphony; be extremely careful, for these are very difficult buildings!

Of course I was excluded and ignored. The project ballooned from $15 million to $43 million, and now arts interests are trying to build their own facilities. The Gerding Theater is but the first.

It took two decades, but I won.

Hang in there!

Jeff Taylor
Position sought: Mayor
Website: portland123.com
Financial status: -$31,420.95 currently in the bank, the balance of a loan to himself

I would attend more of the neighborhood association meetings then any previous Mayor. Our neighborhood associations and our environment are the two main reasons why people move here. I would try to hold more City Counsel meetings outside of City Hall. I would not only try to visit as many businesses, and schools as I could but also take concrete actions to help the businesses and schools.

I would also have a television program on cable called Love Portland where I would recognize those city workers, businesses, union workers, teachers, and anyone doing positive things to help Portland.

Sam Adams
Position sought: Mayor
Website: samforpdx.com
Financial status: $129,285.42 in contributions, $52,984.05 currently in the bank

These values have always been cornerstones of my public service and my record reflects that.

TRANSPARENCY: In 2004 I campaigned to register city hall lobbyists. Historically, professional lobbyist influence – usually on behalf of corporations – has been more pervasive than Portlanders might expect. By forcing these lobbyists to register, the general public is better able to track their influence.

Getting the lobbyist registration in place was not easy. Corporate lobbyists such as Len Bergstein staunchly opposed it, as did Mayor Tom Potter. Eventually we were able to get the program in place. The Kennedy School of Government at Harvard University is now considering the program for a national award in governmental excellence.

As a candidate for mayor I have nothing to hide. Each of my filings with the city auditor and secretary of state has been completely transparent.

ACCESSIBIILTY: My staff and I have an open-door policy. We meet with anybody who wants to meet with us. Beyond formal meetings, we established the First Thursday series at city hall. Each month Portlanders from all backgrounds tell us it's their first time in city hall whereas previously it had felt like an impenetrable place. We deliberately choose artistic themes each month to diversify the city hall experience to as many Portlanders as possible.

When we established our blog in 2004 we were told we were one of a handful of elected officials nationwide to do so. While we don't always agree with the comments that follow our posts, we honor the right to share one's point of view.

I'm most proud of the fact that I've been able to spend so much time in the city's neighborhoods and business districts and not stuck in city hall. My schedule, which I've made publicly available, reflects that.

CONSTITUENTS: My office is the only one in city hall to have full time staff dedicated exclusively to serving constituents. Cevero Gonzalez in the Office of Transportation and Vicki Grudzinksi in the Bureau of Environmental Services are experts at solving real-world problems for any Portlander.

In summary, I long ago adopted an attitude that I would serve Portlanders in a direct, honest, and accessible way. My record reflects an unwavering commitment to that approach. It has served me well and is a big reason why I think I'm the best-prepared candidate for mayor.

Kyle Burris
Position sought: Mayor
Website: site not up yet
Financial status: Intends to raise less than $300

If I'm sure of just one thing in this messes up little world of ours, it's that information needs to be free.

Free-as-in-people.

Free-as-in-beer.

In my life, I've been a tireless advocate of open information. Usually, this just means I bitch at people about IP law until they tell me to go away--but sometimes I also drag my ass down to Free Geek, and help them do their thing.

In my campaign, I've made a point of releasing all my creative bi-products under a Creative Commons license. And when I start selling off prints of my photographic works (to fund my campaign), I'll also be making a point of including digital copies, so people can do what ever the hell they want with them.

Obviously, fighting for digital freedom on the interwebs isn't quite the same as disclosing the back room deal I just made with some money chucking lobbyist--but still, I hope this can give you an idea of where I'm coming from.

Information is power, and I want that power to be in the hands of as many people as possible. Portlandonline is a decent start--but still, we could be going so much further. Not just visitor logs and police reports, as Amy has mentioned, but every e-mail, every filing. This is the digital age! There's no reason we can't have all this stuff scanned, and put on-line in a timely manner.

On the matter of constituent relations: the city's whole "public hearing" system needs to be reworked from the ground up. The system we have now--people sitting at that little table, reiterating the same points as the last five people before them--it accomplishes nothing. If the city wants to know how many people care about something, they can overpay some consultant to take a poll. These meeting need to be turned into real debates. Citizens questioning counsel members, counsel members questioning citizens. There needs to be a real, productive dialog between to the two sides, and I think these meetings are the place to do it.

Sho Dozono
Position sought: Mayor
Website: shoformayor.com
Financial status: $200,000 in public funding, $33,747.81 currently in the bank (final check from the city hasn't been deposited)

Did not respond by deadline.

Beryl McNair
Position sought: Mayor
Website: none
Financial status: $220.00 in contributions, $220.00 currently in the bank

Did not respond by deadline.

Craig Gier
Position sought: Mayor
Website: myspace.com/craiggierformayor
Financial status: Intends to raise less than $300

Did not respond by deadline.

So many commentors wanted to talk about our former and present comics in this post, I decided to give them their own thread. SOOOOOOO… by all means, YOU be the comics page editor! What Mercury comics would you get rid of, what comics would you add, and would you buy a bumper sticker of Calvin peeing on a cross? (I’m thinking of marketing them.)

HAVE AT IT!

The Auditor’s office just released the quarterly lobbying reports—for the final quarter of 2007.

Highlights:

Police Chief Rosie Sizer nabbed $49.95 worth of books from author Leslie Glass. I’m going to presume it’s the Leslie Glass who is “a household name for mystery and romance readers everywhere,” and wrote the “popular crime fiction series featuring NYPD Detective Sergeant April Woo.” Perhaps Sizer picked up some crime fighting tips?

Commissioner Erik Sten picked up an “engraved Ross Island rock” from Dr. Robert Pamplin. It’s listed as “priceless.”

Several commissioners got gift baskets around the holidays. Sten and Commissioners Randy Leonard and Sam Adams got $80 baskets from the Trailblazers. Saltzman, curiously, did not—he didn't report any gifts in the fourth quarter, actually. And poor Mayor Tom Potter only got tickets to semi-official events, like the Portland Bologna Sister City Association Annual Dinner (two tickets, $100), and the Annual Citizen's Crime Commission Luncheon (one ticket, $24).

Perhaps the most controversial gift? A $30 "Campfire USA thank-you gift basket" to Randy Leonard, which had something to do with the Fall Budget BuMP. Sounds like a kickback, Randy!

Only a few groups met the eight hour threshold that mandates reporting on why they were lobbying: The Bicycle Transportation Alliance, the League of Women Voters of Portland, OHSU, Polaris Energy, the Port of Portland, the Portland Business Alliance, and the Portland Metropolitan Association of Realtors.

The PBA spent the most in the fourth quarter on lobbying: $2,318.54. They chatted up commissioners and staffers on generic subjects like "Business and Economic Development," "Business Licenses" (shocking, both of those), plus "Fire and Police Disability and Retirement," "Neighborhood Livability - general," "Police and Public Safety," and "Other." Man, these lobbying reports are insightful!

Dan Petrusich and Bill Reilly were also in the mix, talking to every commissioner about neighborhood livability—possibly regarding the property they own in Goose Hollow, adjacent to the proposed Allegro tower.

This has the feel of a Philip K.Dick novel:

RECALL: Create the perfect vacation…in your mind…

Seen something weird? Email it to todayinpdx@portlandmercury.com…

To be greeted in style by our editor:
MOORE: Wishes he was still Mercury news editor…

I love Katu. They’ve just covered my story from this week, about a whistleblower cop fired from the police bureau. I fucking love that they’ve covered it, and pretty much verbatim as I wrote it, too. All the other media in town have ignored the story…which is sad, because it’s a strong one, and it’s sad that petty rivalries get in the way of the public hearing the truth.

This is a picture of a magical mammoth from 10,000 B.C.! He can mystically heal you, even if you’re already dead from being hit with an arrow! Never fear! Why, all this friendly, fun-lovin’ beast has to do is wave his trunk at you and gaze soulfully into your eyes and just like that, you’re miraculously healed!

I wish I was kidding. But no, there’s seriously a fucking magical mammoth in 10,000 B.C., and I’m pretty sure once the DVD hits we’ll find out that in deleted scenes the fucking thing winks and dances and dispenses homespun wisdom with the voice of Wilford Brimley. In addition to the mammoth, there’s also a saber-toothed tiger who’s roughly as threatening as Garfield and some giant turkeys who skwawk around and look stupid and apparently feed off of the only thing stupider-looking than they are, which are the cavemen in 10,000 B.C.

ANYWAY. Masterpiece that it is, the studio made damn sure to keep us from seeing 10,000 B.C. until it was too late for us to get a review into the paper. Our review is now online, but here’s the short version: 10,000 B.C. might be Roland Emmerich’s worst film yet. On a scale of one to 10 “Fuck you Roland Emmerich”s, with one “Fuck you Roland Emmerich” being Independence Day and 10 “Fuck you Roland Emmerich”s being Godzilla, 10,000 B.C. is an 84.

Oh, Marmaduke… what WILL you do next?

Thanks to Marmaduke Explained.

AND WHILE WE’RE ON THE SUBJECT OF COMICS, the Mercury is very sad to report that one of our most favoritest and funniest comic strips, Perry Bible Fellowship, IS RETIRING. The very brilliant Nicholas Gurewitch has decided to hang his funny pen up and pursue other projects, leaving us bawling all over our newsprint. This week’s PBF is the last you’ll read (unless someone more persuasive than us can make him return), and though we’re devastated, we wish Nicholas the best of luck, while thanking him for loads of laffs.

THAT BEING SAID, we’re obviously looking for a new comic strip to fill his space. We’ll be trying out new cartoonists over the next few weeks in the paper and OF COURSE we invite all Blogtownies and readers to weigh in with suggestions and opinions on those auditioning for the slot. [Sorry, we will not run Cathy.]

“Is it because I’m fat?”

Last year’s Red Dress Party—an annual, massive benefit warehouse dance party, with this year’s proceeds helping out Esther’s Pantry, SHARE, and Outside In—sold out well before the doors opened. This year’s party, slated for April 12, is headed toward the same fate. Organizers recommend you nab tickets online ASAP, and Mercury readers get a $5 discount for one week only (see below).

From party co-founder Jeff Hawthorne:

Storm and the Balls have just confirmed that they will perform at the 8th Annual Red Dress Party on April 12th. Some of the other entertainment we’ve lined up for the evening includes DJ Harmonix, Bay Area aerial artist Benn Mendoza, some Bodyvox short films from their “Waterbodies” show, and the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence. This year’s theme “Red Sea” will put partygoers aboard a wrecked cruise ship off the coast of Egypt. Think Cleopatra aboard the Poseidon. Should be a hoot.

Sound like fun? Got a red dress? (It’s necessary to get in the door.) Then go get your tickets (VIP tickets are nearly sold out, as are half of the regular tickets, Hawthorne says).

For one week only we invite Mercury readers to get $5 off the regular Red Dress ticket price ($45 instead of $50). Just use coupon code rdpmar08 when you buy your tickets online – www.reddresspdx.com.

Says Larry Norton at the Oregonian’s Old Town Blog. Ms.Ruiz objects to my posting about this, but we all know the Mercury has been shu-hitting all over everyone else in town when it comes to bringing the election into your consciousness. And it’s important that somebody says so. So well done, Larry. And I’m with you on it.

Robert Downey Junior has “blacked up” for a new film role. This is misguided and demeaning to black people. Discuss.
DOWNEY JUNIOR: Was probably fucked when he signed the contract…

Now that Danny Noriega has been kicked off American Idol, I have lost my entire faith in American TV. Luckily for me, I can start watching Japanese TV which has the most awesome shows in the world! Take this one for example, which I believe loosely translates to “Can You Park Your Car in This?” Contestants are challenged to park their car in a space that has less than 1cm of room to spare, and when they fail? “Aiiii-YEEEEE, Wassafommit!” (Which I think translates to, “You IDIOT! You just scratched my freaking car!!”

Join the Iraq Body Count Exhibit on the corner of SW Park and Harrison on Sunday morning at 9am:
FLAGS FOR WAR DEAD: A lot more white ones for Iraqis than red ones for Americans…

War’s bad. War is a bad thing. I’ll see you down there.

All photos, Minh Tran.

More look-sees of local fashion on M.O.D.

Goodmornin’ Folks! Welcome to Today! So…

1. Paper bagging a beer in NYC will totally get you arrested. Geez!

2. People don’t trust the press?? You don’t say!

3. Merge - home to Camera Obscura, Arcade Fire, M.Ward, the Magnetic Fields, and Neutral Milk Hotel - launched a digital music site this week. Also, Pitchfork is launching an all music tv station on the web. hmmm…

4. Speaking of which, the Ruby Suns just got a good write up. Give a listen…

The Ruby Suns - Maasai Mara

5. Hillary, Step Away From The Phone! - Larry David

6. Last month, worst job loss in 5 years. Oh recession, you are so adorable.

7. Why CNN looks like Monday Night Football.

8. Apple opens the floodgates in June. IPHONERS REJOICE!

9. And Finally, To All Ye Sinners!

Have a Nice Day People!!!

This week on Easier Than Reading, join your host Andrew R. Tonry on another fun-filled music adventure. Find out what live music you need to check out this week, plus hear tunes from bands including Xiu Xiu (pictured above), Lifesavas, Brother Ali, and much, much MORE! Listen here.

As I was driving to work this morning, I noticed the bumper sticker on the car in front of me. Perhaps I was in a rotten mood, or just tired (although I don’t think I was), but something about it just made me grind my teeth and groan in exasperation.

It said:

Good grief.

Oh, okay, whatever. So I cooled off a bit, tried to ignore how lame it was. But then, I looked a little closer and noticed another, smaller bumper sticker just above it.

What did it say?

This one said:

So I proceeded to bang my head against the steering column until my forehead was bloody.

Readers:
What's the worst bumper sticker you've ever seen? (No Bush/Cheney jokes, please.)

Have you read issue #12 yet for season eight of Dark Horse’s Buffy the Vampire Slayer yet?!

So what do you think about the scuttlebutt going on over Buffy’s lesbian encounter with fellow slayer Satsu? My initial reaction (when I couldn’t stop myself from clicking on the spoiler, before I read the issue) mirrored the comment of “noonien” on whedonesque.com:

I’m a little shocked and disappointed (and then shocked that I’m disappointed)… I suppose I should reserve judgment but it does sound a bit like a sweeps stunt they’d pull on The O.C. or something.

And, boy howdy, are Buffy fans riled up. So far whedonesque.com is clocking in 146 comments about Buffy diving into bed with Satsu.

After reading the issue, which was written by Drew Goddard, screenwriter of Cloverfield, I personally liked the storyline.

Check out the issue, OR if you’re really into spoilers, get a load of Joss Whedon’s interview with the NYT. The spoiler article was in yesterday’s issue—the same day issue #12 came out. (Anyone getting flashbacks of the NYT’s Harry Potter spoiler that came out days before the Deathly Hallows release date?)

What do the candidates for this race have to say about the question of the week?

In areas such as transparency, accessibility, and constituent relations and involvement, what can Portlanders expect from you if elected? How have you demonstrated those values in past roles, or in your campaign?

First up, Chris Smith. And now that everyone in this race has been certified in public financing (except for Mike Fahey, who didn’t participate, and has never responded to one of our questions), we’ll be tracking how they’re spending their dough.

Chris Smith
Position sought: Commissioner #1
Website: citizensmith.us
Financial status: $150,000 in public funding, $139,477.03 currently in the bank

I’ve been working to make Portland’s City Government open and transparent for years, and have followed those principles in my campaign.

I was part of the coalition that worked for the adoption of Voter Owned Elections (VOE), and I think we can see from the race I’m in that VOE has opened up the election process to a number of serious candidates who would have had difficulty raising sufficient money to be taken seriously in the traditional process dominated by contributions of $1,000 and more.

I was also a key member of the stakeholder group that developed the City Hall lobbying registration and reporting ordinance and lobbied (pun intended) City Council last year to lower the quarterly lobbying threshold for reporting from 16 hours to 8 hours to make the system even more transparent.

In my campaign we have worked diligently to report our transactions much earlier than required, often on the same day or within day or two (we are allowed 14 days under VOE, which is already stricter than the state’s 30-day standard).

Last year when I co-chaired the campaign to defend our form of Government with former Mayor Bud Clark, we received an award from Democracy Reform Oregon for the promptness of our campaign’s financial reporting.

As Commissioner, I’ll continue to apply these principles to my office and will work to make Portland’s Government even more accessible and transparent to citizens.

Charles Lewis
Position sought: Commissioner #1
Website: charleslewis.com
Financial status: $150,000 in public funding, $134,422.72 in the bank pending deposit of final $105,000 check from the city

Part of the reason I decided to run for office was because I felt a strong disconnected between City Hall and the average Portland citizen. In 2003, the non-profit I founded and currently direct, Ethos Music Center purchased the old Masonic Temple next to Jefferson High School. The building had suffered major damage due to a fire in 1981. We wanted to renovate it and turn it into a community center that would be used by underserved children and their families that are involved with Ethos.

The only way we could do this was with the help of tax credits through PDC. When we first went to PDC, they told us to raise a million dollars to show them that we were serious. A year later and with a million dollars in the bank, we went back to PDC only to be told that our board was "too community based" and that we needed to attract some heavy hitters. We hit the streets again and signed up two former Mayors, a former Governor, and tons of business leaders to serve on our board. We went back to PDC and asked where we need to sign. At that point, they told us that we actually needed $4 million in the bank in order to be considered for the tax credits! Needless to say I was outraged. This is not how government should work.

I firmly believe that how you run is linked to how you will govern. I am proud to be running as a Voter Owned Candidate. I was the second candidate in the City to qualify for VOE funds, despite the fact that I work two fulltime jobs (as Executive Director of Ethos and as owner of Portland Duck Tours). As a Voter Owned Council Member, I will be accountable only to the people of Portland and not to corporate interests. I also qualified for the ballot by gathering signatures, not by paying the filing fee. This wasn't because I wanted to save myself $30, but because I wanted to meet with as many Portlanders face to face as possible and discuss with them my vision for the City.

Our campaign office is located on the corner of Killingsworth and Williams in North Portland. Unless it's chilly out, our door will always be open. A number of people have already stopped by with questions, comments and concerns. Blogtown readers should feel free to swing by and say hello as well. Chances are that either myself, my staff or some volunteers will be there to greet you. As always, you can also contact us through our website: CharlesLewis.com.

When I’m elected to City Council Portlanders will discover a new and improved level of transparency, accessibility and constituent relations from me and from my staff. All are principles I take seriously and all are those that I’ve demonstrated both in my past work and on the campaign trail.

In terms of transparency, I believe strongly that taxpayers should know what their elected officials are doing and when they’re doing it, in real time. At Portland Public Schools every Administrative Assistant in the central office has access to my schedule. In this way people know where I’m at and what I’m up to, again, in real time. Similarly, I try to be as honest and transparent as possible about my thoughts on the issues even when my doing so may not prove popular. An example of this has been my early and consistent focus on education in this race, and the significant role I believe our City Council can and should play in ensuring Portland offers our children a competitive 21st century education. I didn’t poll to find out if taking this position would be popular, but rather have spoken plainly and with earnest about it because I believe it’s the right approach for Portland. This is an example transparency on the issues, and it also shows leadership.

Being accessible to Portlanders is very important, and in this race I’ve proven to be the most accessible candidate. By gathering half of my signatures at Portlanders’ doors, far more than any of my competitors, I demonstrated my commitment to being available to Portlanders. Further, in my everyday work, I meet regularly with new Portlanders, young Portlanders and Portlanders wanting to change career fields who want to better understand how to get involved in education, non-profit management, law school or the Peace Corps, among other things. Being accessible in my mind, therefore, is about being happy to help folks even when, and especially when, there’s no obvious advantage to you, to your doing so.

Finally, constituent relations represents the essence of being a public servant. As a former neighborhood chair I spent a significant amount of time responding to neighbors concerns. Although many of the challenges were difficult, I thoroughly enjoyed working with them to address their concerns. Similarly I’ve done extensive “constituent relations” work in my various employment roles including working with the arts community on behalf of Portland Public Schools. When elected to City Council I look forward to, among other things, advocating for having one council meeting every other month in a different Portland neighborhood. Citizens ought not to always have to travel in to City Hall, let’s bring City Hall to our neighborhoods!

Jeff Bissonnette
Position sought: Commissioner #1
Website: portlandersforjeff.com
Financial status: $150,000 in public funding, $142,428.66 in the bank pending deposit of $139,855 check from the city

Portlanders expect a lot from their city. Too often these days, it seems that Portlanders don't understand how and why decisions are made. There's also some questioning about whether public resources are being used for the greatest good. Outer neighborhoods do not feel as though they are considered full partners in the life and operation of the city. Small businesses often believe they are ignored. The city council needs to demonstrate that it is focused on the needs of its residents.

My campaign is based on making sure that Portland works for all Portlanders. Here's some of the ways I will demonstrate that accountability:

• I will publish my calendar in real time so that constituents can see who I'm meeting with and how I'm spending my time.

• I will place field offices in different parts of the city where I will have staff and will spend office hours so that Portlanders do not have to make a pilgrimage downtown to City Hall to discuss city issues with me or get assistance from my office. I will start with at least three field offices, two east of 82nd Ave. - Avenue of Roses and one in St. Johns.

• I will advocate for the city council to hold its meetings in community locations outside City Hall at least once a quarter. The city council should meet now and then in schools, community centers, union halls and homeless shelters to demonstrate a closer connection to the community. Additionally, although the council does sometimes schedule evening meetings, it often cancels those sessions. Evening meetings should be regular as well as occasionally meeting on Saturdays so that a wider range of Portlanders can participate in city council meetings in person.

• I will advocate for a public ratemaking process to set water rates. While the public's perception of the water bureau has improved in the past several years, Portlanders are concerned about the upward pressure on water rates. The water bureau should have to defend its proposed rates, independent third parties should be able to present analysis of those rates and the city council should set rates based on the record created by this public ratemaking process. This will add a measure of confidence in the water rates that consumers pay.

• I will meet regularly with front-line employees of the bureaus that are in my portfolio so that I get a real-life report of how Portlanders are being served by those bureaus.

• I will seek to do a ride-along with police officers and firefighters about once a month so that I have a first-hand sense of the issues that our public safety employees encounter in the field and how well Portlanders are served by these officers.

I am trained professionally as an organizer. Among the earliest lessons I learned as an organizer is that I was always accountable to a constituency, whether a coalition or a grassroots membership. That lesson has always been important to me and I will strive to make that lesson even more front and center in my service as a city commissioner.

Amanda Fritz
Position sought: Commissioner #1
Website: amandafritzforcitycouncil.com
Financial status: $150,000 in public funding, $136,896 currently in the bank

Portlanders value ethical behavior, partnerships, and open communication. Furthering those virtues is one of the main reasons I want to serve on the City Council. I am a Queen's Guide, the equivalent of an Eagle Scout. The first Guide law is, "A Guide is honest, reliable, and can be trusted". That has been a fundamental principle in my life. If you elect me, I will make our City government more transparent by providing you with:

* Easy to find, accurate information about project planning, funding, and implementation
* Explanations about what is being proposed, what was decided, and what happens next
* Evaluations on whether the outcome achieved the goals, or not
* Timely reports on what happens in my office, in City Hall, and in the community

If you elect me, I will make our City government more accessible by:

* Pushing the City Council to meet at different times and places so that all citizens have the ability to be part of our government. Current code allows one meeting per month to be held on Wednesday evening, yet the Council rarely chooses to implement even that minimal change, and hardly ever meets outside City Hall.

* Continuing to attend community meetings at times and places set by neighbors and business groups, as I have for over 15 years. I will visit each Neighborhood District/Coalition board at least once each year.

* Volunteering in neighborhoods all over Portland, at least once per month. In the past four years, I have helped with projects in 87 of Portland's 95 neighborhoods. It's good to sit and talk; sometimes it's even better to plant trees and talk, or clean up a school and talk.

* Holding Meet-and-Greet events at coffee houses, playgroups, senior centers, and community events such as Farmers Markets and cultural performances, at least once every month throughout my service on the Council.

* Providing convenient mechanisms for input on line, while making sure that citizens' questions and comments receive a personal response within 48 hours.

As a registered nurse, as a community volunteer, and as a parent, I hold myself and the people I work with accountable for achieving results by pursuing the best possible course of action. In my campaign, I don't just ask, "Is it legal?", I demand the highest ethical behavior from myself and people helping me. I will continue to do so if you vote to elect me. When I served on the Planning Commission for seven years, I didn't allow people who might benefit from my votes to give me even a cup of coffee or a parking pass. I made statements at the beginning of hearings, reporting who I talked to before the meeting. I met with everyone who asked to meet with me, on all sides of issues. When I needed more information, I called staff and citizens I knew to be knowledgeable on projects. I listened and responded to public testimony at hearings, and I never made up my mind before those open meetings. Those are behaviors you will see from me if I am elected to the City Council.

In my first campaign in 2006, I posted links on my website to my campaign financing reporting at the Auditor's Office. I will do so again. I am the only candidate in this race who posted frequently-updated information on how many $5 donations my team collected each week, starting with 71 in the first report. Citizens should not have to dig for information from candidates or elected officials. If you have questions about me or my campaign, please call my office at 503-235-2295.

Mike Fahey
Position sought: Commissioner #1
Website: friendsofmikefahey.com
Financial status: $12,205.00 in contributions to day, $6,147.70 currently in the bank

Mike Fahey has yet to respond to our weekly questions, but he did send out this press release on March 2, officially announcing his candidacy. Maybe we'll start hearing from him now? You deserve to know who he is, since he'll be on your ballot this May. Here's what he had to say:

Mike Fahey, State Representative from 1995 to 1999 and life long Portland resident, announced his candidacy for the Portland City Council Position 1 seat at a press conference at City Hall.

“Being a council member will enable me to continue to give back to my community for the opportunities that Portland provided me. I am at a point in my life and career where it is possible for me to devote my time and energies to public service. My background includes work as a journeyman carpenter, small businessman, elective State Representative, union official, and Pension and Health Benefits trustee. I founded and continue to manage the Carpenters Union Food Bank which is now 25 years old and feeds hundreds of families every month.

“Portland is a city in transition. City officials face tough challenges as they seek ways to respond to the pressures of population growth, increasing demands for public services, need for additional and improved infrastructure, budgetary crunches, rising costs of living including housing, and demographic shifts that sometimes change the character of neighborhoods.

“My highest priority is the Portland economy. A healthy, growing local economy is the foundation for creating the good life for our community and our citizens. There is no simple, guaranteed way to strengthen our economy. We must be attentive to every opportunity to make our economy attractive to businesses, appealing to the growing number of tourists visiting here, and providing more jobs that pay a living wage and decent benefits.

“We need to make sure our streets, parks, and neighborhoods are safe places for residents and visitors. Expanding our Community Policing program is one way to provide additional safety.

“Local transportation is another growing problem. I will work for better street maintenance, expanded and upgraded mass transit, and safe and convenient bike and pedestrian traffic.

“Seniors, Disabled Persons, and people requiring Mental Health assistance need better services. One of my priorities will be to find means to enable Senior Citizens to live in their family home as long as they desire and are able to do so.”

Biographical Data on Mike Fahey:

Mike Fahey was born in Vanport and is a lifelong Portland resident. He has been married to Sandy for 35 years and they have 4 children and 8 grandchildren.

At the age of 19 Mike was elected President of the United Paperworkers & Papermakers Local 689

Co-owner of Discover Mortgage, a Portland small business, from 1999-2007.

Two term State Representative from District 17 serving as Vice-Chair of House Labor Committee. Member Joint Senate/House Natural Resources Committee and House Economic Development Sub-Committee.

In 1998 received the Multnomah County Gladys McCoy Award for Citizen Involvement.

Twenty five years of service as a Trustee, Marine Carpenters Pension and Health and Welfare Funds.

Founded and served as Chair, Joint Labor/Management Shipwright Apprenticeship Program.

Participated in the Dislocated Workers Program as well as the Roosevelt High School Student-to-Work Program.

Past board member of Delaunay Family Services.

Journeyman Shipwright Carpenter.

Business Mgr., Shipwrights Local 611.

Executive Secretary, Metal Trades Council of Portland.

Executive Secretary, Pacific Coast Marine Carpenters.

Executive Board Member, NW Oregon Labor Council.

A day late, but worth the wait, here are the candidate’s vying for Erik Sten’s seat, on this week’s question:

In areas such as transparency, accessibility, and constituent relations and involvement, what can Portlanders expect from you if elected? How have you demonstrated those values in past roles, or in your campaign?

You can check out all the past questions at portlandmercury.com/2008, and we’re working on a way to get all of the candidates’ responses on all of the issues into one easy to navigate spot. And don’t forget: If you’ve got an idea for a question (or just a topic you’d like me to craft a question about), send it in.

I’m also changing up the info about candidates’ public financing status, since everyone who will qualify has. Instead, we’ll track how much $$ people have raised and currently have in the bank, according to ORESTAR records.

Jim Middaugh, with a new photo, is up first. Ed Garren, Harold Williams Two (debuting a photo) and Nick Fish are after the cut. I’d hoped Fred Stewart would join us this week, but hopefully he’ll get in the mix next week.

Jim Middaugh
Position sought: Commissioner #2
Website: jimforportland.com
Financial status: $150,000 in public funding, $140,253.96 currently in the bank

The heart and soul of our form of government is meaningful, active participation by Portlanders in the decisions that touch their lives. Just as important is the ability of ordinary citizens to hold government officials accountable for their actions. I believe Portlanders must be able to actively see and monitor the activities of their government, rather than permitting government decisions and processes to be cloaked in secrecy. I support sunshine laws. I support public records laws. I support full and regular financial disclosure for elected officials. I support mandatory disclosure of gifts. I support the requirement that City Council members and bureau directors publish their calendars. We work for the public so the public has a right to know what we are working on and with whom.

As Erik Sten’s chief of staff, folks often find me sitting at the front desk answering phones because I believe we all have to do our part to keep the office running well. It’s also a great way to keep in touch with the people who pay my salary.

Erik has an open door policy and I’ll maintain that policy. A significant part of my career has been dedicated to public involvement and constituent services. I worked in Oregon Congressman Jim Weaver’s district office in Eugene and helped people get the federal services they needed. During my work with DeFazio I was responsible for arranging town hall meetings all across his district. I also helped connect Oregonians with the services and agencies they needed.

More after the cut!

As DeFazio said when he endorsed me, "Jim is an extremely bright, energetic and compassionate person who brings a constituent-oriented approach to public service."

I was the public information coordinator for Tri-Met and worked hard to ensure that citizens understood the costs and benefits of a proposed light rail line to Clackamas County and Clark County. At the Northwest Power and Conservation Council it was my job to get citizens engaged in and aware of our work. I pioneered the use of fax machines (yes, I'm that old) and then email to share information about the Power Council's business.

During my tenure with the City I've worked hard to help every person who has contacted me. Because of my work managing a citywide response to the listing of salmon under the Federal Endangered Species Act, I have a long track record of working with virtually every bureau. I know how to get things done on behalf of Portland's citizens.

Here's what Dawn Rasmussen, a Northeast neighborhood leader had to say: "Jim helped draw much-needed attention from City Hall to our neighborhood. He worked closely with us to connect people, agencies and resources to protect our livability. Jim fought for our values and concerns and provided leadership to develop a cooperative approach. Concerned and responsive representatives like Jim who are willing to put in time and effort for neighborhoods are exactly what Portland needs!”

I also worked with Erik on his effort to buy PGE. I was tasked with staffing the very diverse group of citizens Erik created to develop a governance structure for the utility. I dutifully helped every member of that committee regardless of her or his opinion about the city's acquisition plan. I invited skeptical stakeholders into my office to watch as we processed applications from people who were interested in serving on the board of a publicly owned PGE.

I've helped people with sewer problems. I've helped people with transportation safety concerns. I've helped people get housing and other services. I've helped people get dead trees removed. I've helped move permits through the city system because I believe it is my job to be responsive to people no matter what the issue, which bureau is involved, or the views of the person who needs help.

When people call my office I will do everything possible to ensure they will get a call back within one business day. I will hire people who share my commitment to public service. My top priority will be helping Portlanders get what they need and deserve from their local government. When we can't help, we'll say so plainly and honestly.

Because I'm voter-owned and using public financing to run my campaign, my priorities will not be guided by wealthy donors. Instead, my priorities will reflect our community's needs. As a public servant I believe that if I can't be transparent then I am doing something wrong. My only exception will be for very selective personnel matters that must be kept private to protect the rights of the employee.

I will strive to reflect the very best of public service in all my actions.

Ed Garren
Position sought: Commissioner #2
Website: edforportland.com
Financial status: $810 in contributions, $258.36 currently in the bank

The very foundation of our way of government are these two words, transparency and accessibility. If both of these are a part of government, then constituents will be involved and will have a sense of healthy dialogue with officeholders and government agencies.

We have seen of late, a lot of what appears to be a city hall that is out of touch with the people who live in the city because these two words have been ignored too many times.

I work in Mental Health (www.edgarren.us), and my work background includes Substance Abuse Recovery, Rehabilitation and Education. All of those professions have very strong and clear ethical demands with regard to the sharing of information, disclosure, and the negative consequences of withholding knowledge from clients.

Recovery is about self esteem and self empowerment. People do not become self empowered in secretive environments where they do not have full access to information and power. The framers of our constitution attempted to set up a means of government which would empower all citizens to become owners of government and the decisions made by government. It is a sacred trust, and not to be taken lightly.

I have been a Justice Activist for much of my life. The history of it is too long to fully describe here. Some specific examples can be found if one does a "Google" search on Ed Garren. I also have some examples and stories on my campaign web site, www.edforportland.com.

The latest position in which I work to make sure all voices are heard is my role as Co-Chair of the Hayden Island Plan Steering Committee. As with any public process, there are a few agendas in the room, those of development, preservationists, residents, businesses and such. I try to make sure that open communication is fostered by all of the persons in the room, who are often unaware of other perspectives because of limited contact or communication with persons in the other groups. As with any public process, it is making sure that there are many opportunities for all voices to be heard that is the key to developing the sense of ownership that is vital to a thriving city.

I have spent my entire life being an "outsider". When I was in high school I was a "geek", who then became a racial civil rights activist. I then discovered I was Gay while in college and have been working for full citizenship for GLBT persons ever since. I have marched, done candle light vigils, blocked traffic, done civil disobedience actions on the steps of the Supreme Court, been name called, had my car vandalized, had a cross burned in my front yard and was run out of a swimming lake at gun point (with my African American God Children) by segregationists. I left my native state of Florida because of legal restrictions (which have been strengthened by Jeb Bush) against persons like me working in social services or education. I know first hand what it feels like to be systematically and legally excluded and it is about the most "Un-American" thing that our city, state or federal government can do, to tell one person, or group of people, "You are not welcome" either by commission or omission.

I am therefore, professionally and personally committed to making sure that government works for everyone, not just the few who are "insiders."

Harold C. Williams Two
Position sought: Commissioner #2
Website: none
Financial status: $300 in contributions, $300 currently in the bank

Most recently my firm (CH2A) and I embarked on the project involving our array of services in the 2006-2007 Community Work Project and Report we prepared for the Portland Development Commission. I made over 500 contacts, had over 80 face-to-face interviews and held several community events and meetings. The interviewees included developers, small businesses that received PDC services, labor unions, neighborhood groups, and contractors.

At the December 6, 2006 PDC Board of Commissioners meeting, I helped present the annual Diversity Report. With PDC staff and partners, we announced a number of significant policy changes and presented a strategic shift in attitudes and relations within the minority community. My research assisted PDC in the development of its Minority Contracting Initiative.

By holding a series of nontraditional community outreach meetings with faith-based and other organizations, I helped opened doors for PDC that had previously been closed. I went to churches, coffee shops and other places of business to hold events that allowed PDC representatives to meet the public face-to-face. I participated in developing the construction wage policy through our grassroots work and in policy suggestions.

For more you can log on to CH2A website www.ch2a-associates.com.

-Harold C. Williams Two
Candidate for Portland City Commissioner position (2)

Nick Fish
Position sought: Commissioner #2
Website: nickfish2008.com
Financial status: $19,469.13 in contributions, $15,989.95 currently in the bank

Transparency

Too many decisions at City Hall are made behind closed doors. The Cesar Chavez street naming debacle resulted in part from a process which was neither transparent nor inclusive. At the eleventh hour, important decisions were made without public input, leaving too many stakeholders feeling ignored, disrespected, or both.

As City Commissioner, I commit to engaging the public before important decisions are made. And I will insist that the City Council follows its own rules. City government has to earn the trust of Portlanders every day. With transparency comes trust.

Accessibility

One of the positive features of our commission-style form of government is that it gives the public greater access to decision-makers. In Portland, people expect to meet face-to-face with their elected representatives.

My campaign will be more about my listening than talking. My most important job as City Commissioner will be to carry the messages I hear to City Council. That is why I am spending most of my time connecting with citizens throughout Portland, learning about the challenges ordinary folks face in our city. For example:

• I volunteered at the rally for equality hosted by Basic Rights Oregon.

• I have met with over a dozen low-income housing advocates, and attended the PDC hearing on the day-access center because I wanted to hear the community’s concerns about Block 25.

• I attended an Arbor Lodge neighborhood association meeting, where I learned about the city’s flawed process for siting cell phone towers in residential areas;

• I attended the Homeless Connect summit at Memorial Coliseum, where I visited with homeless men and women, and the advocates who are making a difference in our community every day.

• I am starting to walk and canvas in neighborhoods throughout Portland, engaging citizens on their doorsteps.

Portland’s leaders sometimes appear to be held captive by the special needs of downtown. As City Commissioner, I will continue to be accessible to all people in Portland, especially those who live East of I-205 and in North Portland; too often they feel ignored or shut out.

Constituent Services

One of my first jobs after graduating from college was working for Congressman Barney Frank in his Washington, D.C. office. As his legislative assistant, I was responsible for responding to requests from constituents in a timely manner. What I learned is that good constituent services are the minimum that people have the right to expect from an elected official.

As City Commissioner, I will only hire staff who are committed to providing high-quality constituent services. In our commission-style form of government, City Commissioners and their staff play a key role in helping ordinary citizens, who don’t have high-powered attorneys, navigate through the city bureaucracy. I want my team to be as outwardly focused on the city as it is competent in the day- to-day business of city government. I consider this to be one of the most important parts of my job description, and I pledge to set very high standards for constituent services.

Mayor Tom Potter endorsed Sho Dozono this morning, a move that opponent Sam Adams called “the least surprising development in the race for Mayor.”

In the South Park Blocks, Potter called Dozono a proven leader, successful business man, and a guy who “loves Portland” and “has heart.” The mayor declined to speak against Adams, instead sticking to his assessment that Dozono is, in his estimation, the more qualified candidate.

“I respect and trust Sho,” Potter said. “Sho is mature, calm under pressure, and a problem solver.”

Dozono dubbed the endorsement the true kickoff of his campaign, since he’d qualified for public funds the day before (and has said repeatedly that if he didn’t qualify, he wouldn’t run). I was wondering why Dozono chose to wear bright white athletic shoes with his otherwise subdued suit, and I got my answer: “I’m running, that’s why I have running shoes on.”

Across the river an hour later, at Adams’ campaign office, the commissioner addressed the endorsement. Saying he received a message from Potter this morning letting him know about the impending endorsement, Adams added that “this is probably the least surprising development in the race for mayor. They’ve worked together for decades, they’re friends, I certainly respect that.”

Adams chalked up the endorsement of his opponent to “different leadership styles” and policy disagreements. For example, Potter and Dozono were united in their support for a change in the form of government, something that Adams opposed. (Dozono, this morning, said that it’s an issue he’s “been on the wrong side of… twice.”)

Adams also got in a dig at the $27K Dozono poll, using it as an example of another area where he and Dozono differ:

“The role city hall lobbyists should play in politics,” Adams said. “The single largest contribution that any candidate running for mayor in this race, of over $27,000, was made to the Sho Dozono campaign, and it was made by a city hall lobbyist, with clients in casino gambling, big box shopping center development, and cyanide mining companies.” He’s referring to Len Bergstein. Dozono and Adams “disagree on the appropriate role that lobbyists should play in city politics,” Adams said.

Both Potter and Adams stressed that the endorsement wouldn’t affect their relationship on the council, with Potter pointing out his office’s accomplishments since the first of the year, like the day laborer hire site. As for Adams, he says “I’m not going to let the fact that the mayor has endorsed my opponent create any dysfunction on the council.”

Holy crap.

There’s way too much funny happening this weekend. It’s gonna be like a story in the great new Steven Millhauser collection that everyone should read, where we laugh until we DIE.

The first annual Bridgetown Comedy Festival is kind of the event of the weekend: If you miss it, you’re going to hate yourself on Monday, and the self-loathing will only snowball with every passing year that the fest gets bigger and better and jerks like myself assert our bragging rights about how yeah, I remember the first fest, it was a little disorganized but I can’t believe I got to see [insert soon-to-be-famous comedian’s name here] in the Mt Tabor Lounge, I mean, shit.

Patton Oswalt is headlining (the line for Saturday’s wristband-only shows are going to be a little intense), and the rest of the 3-day, 4-venue festival lineup showcases 40 of the funniest folks on the West Coast (Eddie Pepitone, the Famous Mysterious Actor Show, Brent Weinbach, Scott Moran…). All weekend, upper Hawthorne is going to be overrun with drunk people who think they’re funny, and by god I’m gonna be one of them.

If you don’t wanna take my advice on the subject, the Sound of Young America’s Jesse Thorn thinks you should go, too:

If you live in Portland, this is an event that is NOT TO BE MISSED. The tickets are on a wristband basis — and wristbands are only twenty bucks. Be there or be square.

Square, he said! Caps for emphasis! This man is SERIOUS! Tickets here: $9 per show, or $20 for a wristband, tonight through Saturday at the Mt Tabor Legacy, BOG, Hawthorne Theater, and Eagles Lodge. (Note: The wristband is incredibly cheap, and you’ll need one to get in to any of Saturday’s shows at the Mt. Tabor.)

PLUS, don’t forget about Mortified! See below. Individual humiliation for the amusement of the collective. I LOVE IT. Click the link to win tickets.

Another week, another Mercury issue to read while you load your newest killing machine—the world’s smallest gun. Aw, it’s adorable!

Bradford Cox’s latest project, Atlas Sound, is all he wants to talk about, that is, unless of course his mom is calling.
MP3: - Atlas Sound - Recent Bedroom

Here kitty kitty. Panther is on the prowl and ready to pounce. Grrrowl!
MP3: - Panther - Violence, Diamonds

The triumphant tale of Helio Sequence, complete with a thrilling car chase a heartwarming happy ending.
MP3: - Helio Sequence - Keep Your Eyes Ahead

Oh the agony! Xiu Xiu explore a world filled with pain, glorious pain. Uplifting!
MP3: - Xiu Xiu - I Do What Want When I Want

O.J., purple stuff, Sunny D, and End Hits.

Photo by Tim Schaar

I am not going to write much here. Please just watch this GODDAMN AMAZING video of Will Arnett on MTV’s Human Giant.

Oh, it’s very NSFW.

I AM GOING TO LIVE FOREVER!

As the Merc’s Ms. Ann Romano says…

STOP THE PRESSES! Due to ONE DAY AT A TIME’s incredible popularity, fawning critical accolades, and Hubby Kip’s incessant and nerdish begging, One Day at a Time is finally getting the comic book treatment! Thanks to Dark Horse Comics, “Ann Romano: Gossip Whore!”—a special, two-page comic written by yours truly, illustrated by famed artist Paul Lee, and starring Britney Spears and a certain sassy gossip columnist—is now available for free at myspace.com/darkhorsepresents. Check it out! (And don’t worry—we wouldn’t be caught dead in a cape.)

Two tickets to Sunday’s installment of Mortified at the Someday Lounge, to whomever leaves the best humiliating middle school story in the comments by 5 pm Friday (don’t forget your email address). If you’re not familiar with the show already, in which grownups share excerpts from childhood writings, I highly, highly encourage you to check out some of the videos on their website. I am very much looking forward to the show at the Someday. If I can find the tormented 1993 journal entry I wrote about which Outsiders character is my ultimate soulmate, I’m totally submitting it next time they’re in town. (I believe that after much deliberation I settled, bafflingly, on Dally. WTF, I know)

// The Mortified Shoebox Show //

Mortified runs at the Someday Lounge, 125 NW 5th, Saturday & Sunday, 8 pm, $10-12, tickets here.

Let’s keep the ticket giveaways coming! If you want to win a pair of tickets to see teen garage sensations, Be Your Own Pet (and some band called The Raveonettes), click on over to End Hits.

Ah, Watchmen. One of the best and most important comic books ever created, and one that’s now being adapted to film by Zack Snyder (the director of the pretty crappy 300 and the not-so-great remake of Dawn of the Dead). Fuck, I want this movie to be great. So bad.

ANYWAY. Looks like the film’s official blog has updated with looks at the film’s main characters in their superhero get-ups—and while there’s definitely less spandex going on, the designs still look pretty badass. (If 300 is any indication, Snyder will, if nothing else, nail the visual elements of Watchmen’s complex narrative.) Small pics of Nite-Owl, Rorschach, and that bastard the Comedian below; follow the link above for more and bigger pictures.

Not too shabby. Especially considering how this could have gone.

Thanks are due, once again, to Ezra.

An assortment of food- and drink-related items that have recently come across our desk:

•Rock Bottom Brewery (210 SW Morrison) releases their 12th annual Fire Chief Ale today. It’s a hoppy red ale, and a portion of the proceeds from each pint will benefit the Gresham Professional Firefighters and their chosen charity, the Muscular Dystrophy Association. The beer gets tapped at 5:30 pm today, with special $2 pints until 6:30, and there’s an accompanying menu of hearty bar fare designed to accompany the beer.

•Downtown’s hoity-toity Heathman Restaurant and Bar (1001 SW Broadway) is now offering a daily happy hour, so those of us who can’t ordinarily afford to set foot in the place now have a chance to put on our fancy pants. The happy hour runs 4-6 pm and 9 pm-close daily, and on Thursdays from 4 pm-close. Items run $1.50-$4.50 and include: pork pate with pistachios and Roquefort, a charcuterie plate, Wallapa Bay oysters, octopus salad, a bistro burger, and more.

•Trébol (4835 N Albina) is offering weekly flights of tequila. (Take that, snooty wine flights!) Each Tuesday, a trio of tequilas will be offered from a particular brand (usually a Silver, a Reposado, and an Anejo). This will allow participants to experience the range of flavors and subtleties not just from the different producers, but from the different varieties. Not all tequilas are created equal—if your experience with tequila is limited to Sauza, Cuervo, and those shots of Patron you did at that bachelor party, this is a good way to bone up. Next Tuesday, March 11, Trébol offers three tequilas from Cazadores for $14.

•edge of Belmont has recently opened at 3350 SE Morrison, replacing the not-particularly-lamented Calypso (which in turn replaced Salvador Molly’s). The bar/restaurant has a wide-ranging menu, cocktails, happy hour and live music on Wednesdays.

Tonight, Moshi Moshi celebrates the grand opening of its new location next to Billy Galaxy on W. Burnside with a Mr. T-themed art show curated by local fifth-grade artist Levi Pitters. If you’ve ever been to a Crafty Wonderland event, you’ve probably seen Levi selling his art and stationery under the name Aliens with Afros.

Twenty percent of the artist sales from this show will benefit Buckman School’s fifth-grader Opal Creek Scholarship Fund, which will help the students attend a three-day outdoor education program held in June.

I Heart Mr. T opening reception is tonight, March 6, 2008; 6 pm to 9 pm, Moshi Moshi, 916 W. Burnside. Show runs through April 1.

Okay, people. Here’s how it’s gonna be. No one ever gets to do a cover of Europe’s “Final Countdown” again—because no one can rock it better than the Latvian Cello Symphony Orchestra!

Friday’s DT5 show (my preview of which you can read here) was a classic PDX event of high energy and rock affectation. It was all about fun, and the models crossing the stage in super-abbreviated pieces from a slew of designers were clearly having it, strutting and pursing their lips to the soundtrack. Merc photographer Minh Tran caught the highlights on the runway, as well as backstage. Check out the chronology of a rock ‘n’ roll fashion show here, with more on the way.

Mayor Potter is endorsing Sho Dozono. From the campaign:

MAYOR TOM POTTER IS READY TO ENDORSE

Who: Mayor Tom Potter and community leader Sho Dozono.

What: Mayor Tom Potter will announce his endorsement of Sho Dozono for Mayor of City of Portland.

Where: South Park Blocks, Shemanski Fountain, on Park Avenue between Salmon and Main Street.

When: Thursday, March 6, 2008 at 10:15 a.m.

Mayor Tom Potter and Sho Dozono will be available immediately following for questions.

I’m headed there now to see what Potter has to say about the man who wants to be his successor.

Reader, lucky you. My hopes to avoid laziness and try being original this morning have FAILED. So I bring you episode TWO in a series of 38 online therapy sessions courtesy of reclusive millionaire, and republican funder: LorenBRRRRR. Disconnect. BRRRRR. Disconnect. BRRRRR. Disconnect. Parks.

Today’s video is dedicated to women. Yes, all of them. And their sexual problems.

“It really doesn’t apply to men because the mechanisms are usually different,” says Parks. “But for women the problem is guilt. And that problem comes from guilt trips that mother, preacher, parent, somebody who in the child’s mind is an authority figure, tells them how naughty sex is.”

Disconnect! Disconnect! Disconnect! It’s nine minutes long!

PARKS: “I’ve had quite a number of sexual partners and the most dramatic one was a woman who I took through 56 consecutive orgasms. That’s five-six orgasms. And I did not use hypnosis at all…”

“After working with her in bed, and I’m pretty skilled…”

Etcetera.

• According to an email we received from the Dozono campaign, Tom Potter will be endorsing Sho Dozono for mayor. WOW. Is that the kiss of death or what?

• A small explosion rocked New York’s Times Square this morning, which the authorities are claiming was NOT terrorism. (…don’t panic… don’t panic… don’t panic….)

• Hillary Clinton has raised $3 million in campaign funds in 24 hours. Oh, you fickle, fickle Americans.

• Democratic National Committee Chairman Howard Dean wants a “do-over” for presidential nominations in Florida and Michigan—but isn’t he really just enabling stupidity?

• The doctors for Patrick Swayze feel encouraged about his prognosis in his battle against pancreatic cancer. So do I, because he’s PATRICK MOTHEREFFING SWAYZE!

How will Swayze beat cancer? 100% pure adrenaline