Live from the Rose Garden as the the Portland Trail Blazers take on the Los Angeles Lakers Clippers.

What? Los Angeles has another basketball team? And they are named the Clippers? For real? And they have uniforms and everything? Huh, who knew?

Also, I should mention that with the NCAA tournament going on right this very second, plus other action in the NBA, I am about to live blog the least important basketball game on the planet. I feel honored.

Get ready to read some words about two non-playoff basketball teams playing a meaningless game on a Friday night…

Pre-Game:
The Clippers have lost five in a row and 13 of their last 15, meanwhile Portland is on a strict win a game, lose a game, regiment. They lost on Tuesday to the Suns, so according to the plan, they'll be winning tonight.

Bad news Kamaniacs, your God and master, Chris Kaman will be on the bench again with a sore lower back. Sorry Hulksters, he'll live to fight again.

First Quarter:
9:23 - Foul called on "Disaster" Dan Dickau, the onetime token white point guard for the Blazers. 11-9 Portland.

6:51 - Roy to Przybilla who pump fakes a 12-foot jumper (!), only to wise up and slowly dribble in for the dunk. Smart move, Vanilla Gorilla. 17-13 Portland.

3:38 - Wow, almost nine minutes have gone by and finally the first time-out of the game. Everyone just wants to get out of here and get to the club. Plus, the Rose Garden PA is on the fritz, so things just seem a bit off tonight. It's so quiet. Everyone must be exhausted from all the Obama action earlier in the day. 21-17 Blazers.

2:03 - Dickau flopau! 25-19 Portland.

0:01 - Sergio for a long three (almost a half-courter), BOOM! Nice way to end a high-scoring first quarter. 32-24 Blazers.

SECOND QUARTER:
10:40 - Sergio (again!) making a smooth drive down the lane and a last second dish to Jarrett Jack for a three. 37-29 Portland.

8:32 - There's nothing like taking on a team with no defense. Or starters. Or stars. But hey, at least the Clippers have Smush Parker! If this NSF video is any indication, he has, um, good hands. 39-32 Blazers.

5:59 - Panic! The Blazers are suddenly being outplayed by Smush Parker (!), and are about to lose their lead. Panic! 41-39 Portland.

5:50 - Tie game! Double Panic!!! 41-41 tie.

2:57 - 53-50 Clippers lead! Bow down to the Clippers!! They are our new rulers!! I can see the writing on the wall, I am switching sides...

Welcome to my brand new Clippers live blog. Go Clippers!! Yay, Nick Fazekas, you are a superstar! Clippers are number one!! Wooo.

2:06 - Breaking news, Tim Thomas has just left the game with a "stomach virus." Now that he is gone for the night with a tummy ache, that makes zero starters for the Clippers. The Blazers are playing against 100% bench players, and are losing. 55-54 Los Angeles.

0:03 - The unstoppable force that is Smush Parker is stuffed as the buzzer sounds, so it's all tied up at halftime. Impressive! 57-57 tie.

THIRD QUARTER:
9:59 - Roy with a jumper and the Blazers are dramatically clinging to a one point lead. Yikes. 66-65 Portland.

8:02 - Finally, the Blazers wake up, rub the sleep from their eyes, and realize that they are playing the lowly Clippers. Points for everyone! Roy, Aldridge, Blake, Przybilla and Webster. Oh just kidding, no points for Webster. That was mean. 72-65 Blazers.

7;19 - Blazers just give up four offensive rebounds in a row to the Clippers. The Clippers took five shots, missed them all. NBA - Where Amazing Happens™
74-65 Portland.

5:01 - Fast break steal by Roy, to Aldridge, to Webster for three, BOOM! It's a little cruel to pick on a Clippers team like this, but hey, we'll take it. 83-67 Blazers.

2:53 - Steve Blake with 10 assists! If he takes those assists, and all the skee-ball tickets he's been saving since the start of the season, he can finally go to Wunderland and exchange them for that air rifle he's always wanted. 83-69 Portland.

0:48 - Know who the Clippers need? That Shaun Livingstone fellow. I wonder what happened to him... 87-76 Blazers.

FOURTH QUARTER:
11:02 - Look up your daughters, it's Nick Fazekas Time™! He's leading the spirited Clippers comeback. 87-79 Portland.

8:58 - Travis Outlaw, you've been Smushed! Parker with the steal, but the Clippers are still down by 11. I do wish the Blazers would sit Roy right now. He needs to be resting during games like this. We all saw what happened to Shaun Livingston, the human body is our enemy and cannot be trusted. 92-81 Blazers.

6:08 - Here come the Clippers! The lead, which was once a mighty 16 is down to 5. Dear Blazers, don't blow this. Signed, Ezra. 92-87 Portland.

4:07 - Oh, so I guess the Blazers realize that losing to the Clippers in a game of 5-on-5 basketball is a bad idea. I agree. 97-89 Blazers.

2:27 - On the cusp of a chaulpa, Steve Blake barrels his way into an offensive foul. Two minutes to go, and the Clips are still in it. Yikes. 99-93 Portland.

0:05 - They. Won't. Die. Cuttino Mobley for three, and the Clipper ships are only down three, 105-102 Blazers.

0:00 - Finally! Blazers win. A little too close for comfort, but they'll take it. Final score, 107-102 Portland.