Live from a sold out Rose Garden as the Portland Trail Blazers take on the Phoenix Suns. Burnt orange is in the house tonight, as the Suns are only second to the Lakers when it comes to fair weather lemmings loyal fans, and they are out in force tonight.

Blogging these games is hard work, so I’ll let you readers complete the sports pun for me.

Winners of four straight, the Suns are…
a) red hot
b) a flaming ball of gas
c) blazing with the fiery flames of a champion
d) delivering two delicious scoops of victory

PRE-GAME:
Meanwhile the Blazers are busy planning their "rum dinger of rummage sale" with items found in Darius Miles' locker. Looks like Darius is done. It's what everyone wanted. Well, except me.

And no, there will be no press row beer for me tonight. Not with this super cop roaming the streets. I don't want Big Shaq Daddy Diesel to give me a DUI. No sir.

FIRST QUARTER:
12:00 - Shaq runs (yes, he can run) over before tipoff to talk to Paul Allen and shake hand. When their two hands came together, money just came pouring out everywhere. Hmm, that's odd.

11:40 - It takes twenty seconds for two Blazers (Aldridge and Pryzbilla) to dramatically end up in a dogpile with Amare Stoudemire. After the dogpile, they are all going to build a fort out of sofa cushions. 2-0 Portland.

8:53 - Sensing he is hiding his stash of delicious Chicken McNuggets, Webster fouls Grant Hill. But alas, no McNuggets are found. 9-4 Suns.

6:00 - Webster for three. Hey, looks like the Blazers might get to double digits after all. Hope all you betters took the under. And then the Blazers follow it up with a HUGE alley-oop dunk by Aldridge. 14-11 Phoenix.

2:37 - For a team not known for playing good defense (or any defense, for that matter), the Suns have held the Blazers to a pathetic 38% shooting so far. But when you miss dunks (Webster), layups (Aldridge), and wide open shots (Aldridge, again), it probably doesn't help your cause all that much. 20-15 Sunzzzz.

0:03 - James Jones, the witty veteran that he is, prepares to take a halfcourt three pointer at the buzzer, but instead he just hangs in the air and gets a bonehead foul courtesy of the pasty limbed Gordan Giricek. Three shots. He makes them all. That might be one of the best plays of the season for Jones, plus it pulls the Blazers back into the game. 28-27 Phoenix

SECOND QUARTER:
9:44 - Jones, again, for three. This time from the three-point line, instead of the charity stripe. 32-32 tie.

6:57 - Steve Nash to Shaq for the dunk. Those two old timers sure do work great together. It's like Walter Matthau and Jack Lemon. But funnier. 41-39 Suns.

5:35 - Wow. It happened earlier in the year when he was on the Heat, but Shaq and Przybilla rekindle their bad blood for each other and go at it again. First some jawing and then Shaq elbows Przybilla to the floor. Kazaam!!! 43-42 Phoenix.

2:44 - Brandon Roy passes on a layup attempt after Stoudemire looms behind him, but James Jones has no fear and goes for it. Stoudemire swats it. 47-42 Suns.

1:09 - Barbosa for another three and the Suns are gearing up to pull away from the Blazers. The halftime buzzer cannot come soon enough. 57-45 Phoenix.

THIRD QUARTER:
11:40 - The Suns throw it away, but before it bounces out of bounds it hits the ref and leads to a breakaway dunk for Phoenix. Luck? Or vast NBA conspiracy executed by David Stern from his underground cave? Yeah, I think we all know the answer to that. 59-53 Suns.

8:20 - Webster one-on-one with Stoudemire. Stoudemire steals. Webster topples over. Stoudemire dunks. Webster cries. Blazers timeout. 66-60 Phoenix.

6:36 - Webster (age 22) allows Grant Hill (age 36) to blaze by him and score on a layup. 72-66 Suns.

4:32 - The Blazers blow a wide open three, and the Suns streak down the court and nail a three of their own. A certain Blazers announcer who shall rename nameless kicks over his drink. 77-71 Phoenix.

3:02 - Steve Nash for another goddamn three pointer. He did airball one earlier, right after he made two in a row. So, yeah, there's that. Meanwhile Blaze is doing an "urban" themed dance, complete with faux-bling.

Hiphop is dead.
Official time of death:
9:15pm.

Location of death:
Center court at the Rose Garden.

1:06 - Steve Nash defending by Channing Frye. Nash for three. Hits it. Well, at least Frye will have something to blog about tomorrow. 85-76 Suns.

FOURTH QUARTER:
11:26 - KAZAAM! Shaq gets popped in the head. His acting career is in jeopardy. I guess we should cherish all those great moments we had. Oh wait, he's fine. 88-76 Suns.

10:18 - FINALLY! Shaq and Przybilla go at it again, this time they have to be separated by the officials. Double technicals are called. Let's see where this goes. Fisticuffs? Apologetic smooches? 90-78 Suns.

8:32 - Jarrett Jack, what the holy fuck where you thinking? Jack takes on Shaq in the paint, and, well, you can guess the result. Okay, here's a hint. There was a blocked shot and two quick points involved. Ugh. 98-80 Phoenix.

5:31 - While Roy has been struggling all game long—just six points so far—Aldridge came to play. He has a game leading 27 points. But it's still not enough. 100-87 Suns.

4:44 - Love him or hate him, but Shaq is still damn entertaining. He is fouled hard by Jones, and instead of lashing out, he reaches over to Paul Allen under the hoop and shakes his hand (again). Boos to laughter, just like that. 101-87 Suns.

2:04 - It's all over but the Chalupa, but will the Blazers make it? I say no, because I am a jerk who doesn't eat Chalupas and I enjoy seeing people go hungry. 107-91 Suns.

0:14 - It's hilarious that although they are up by 16, the Suns have all their starters in the game right now. Injury time!! No, it's just end of game time. Despite Aldridge's 31 points, the Suns win this one 111-98.