• The Pope has been threatened by Osama bin Laden! (Remember bin Laden? He’s the guy Bush was supposed to catch instead of leading us into a soul-crushing war and ruining the economy.)

• And yet? President Bush still stubbornly and maniacally defends the war in Iraq. (Which is celebrating its 5th birthday! Happy birthday, war!)

• Grannies and pro-war activists get into a screaming match in Times Square. (Probably over which is better: Readers’ Digest or Prevention magazine?)

• Former Cheney chief of staff Scooter Libby has been disbarred after his conviction for leaking information about a CIA operative. No more ambulance chasing for you, my friend.

• Things got hot in yesterday’s Sam Adams / Sho Dozono debate—to the point where an audience member asked them to play nice. Dear audience member: SHUT THE EFF UP.

• The new cover of People features Jennifer Lopez’ new twins. Thank god magazines publish pictures of new babies—otherwise I’d just assume they were deformed.