Those of you who were still reading the Willamette Week back in 2006 will remember: Former state rep Kevin Mannix—the guy behind the looney ballot measure in November to lock up drug addicts without giving them treatment—is largely funded by an eccentric reclusive millionaire named Loren Parks. Apart from making a machine that measures sexual arousal in sex offenders, Parks has some very, er, exciting beliefs about his power to heal your life, which, thank the sweet lord, he has now posted all over the internet:
BRRR: DISCONNECT!

I’m going to dedicate this first video to City Auditor Gary Blackmer, who still hasn’t apologized for calling me despicable and saying ‘fuck you.’ Seriously, Gary, I’ve been dreaming about you. I’ve been dreaming about your beard. It scares me. I’m trying to think: Is it ME that’s oversensitive to criticism, or you? Well, here’s what Parks says:

“The problem is that you over-react to criticism. That’s what this video is about. So I’m going to give a command to your subconscious mind to make you less sensitive to criticism, and it can be very constructive to you to realize that somebody has some reason to criticize you and to make some necessary changes. If it’s unreasonable, it’s just going to roll off you like water off a duck’s back. I want you the rational person you are to be in control of yourself, and not the irrational, emotional, younger person within you…”

Then he does some scary shit with a buzzer and says “disconnect.” I swear to god it is worth sticking around for…seriously, the shit with the buzzer, I mean. It’s probably the funniest thing I have ever seen. Take notes, Auditor Blackmer—you may also repeat the video, if necessary.

Tomorrow: Possible help for bad dreams!