I once was lost, but now thanks to the Portland Skyliners Tall Club, I am found.

It’s news to me, but evidentially there is a local club dedicated to those of us who are over 6”2 in height—or for the ladies over 5”10—where we can enjoy “upcoming parties, hikes and other outings” unincumbered by those useless short people that seem to get in our way with their stubby little limbs and inability to grow tall. Ugh, short people. I hate them so much!

While I’m no Dana Hartley (Mr. Tall Portland 2007), I’m banking on 2008 being my year. Soon I’ll be wearing that crown, and holding that fake rose and… grrr, check out that lengthy piece of tail, Miss Tall Portland 2007.

So if you are blessed with the God given advantage of being tall (FACT: Jesus likes tall people better!), come and join me at the Portland Skyliners Tall Club, where we will hatch our devious plan to stand in front of short people at concerts and always sit in front of them at the movies.