1) Two weeks ago I ate at Burger King for the first time in maybe three years, and had the most unbelievably scrumptious Whopper ever. IT WAS SO FUCKING GOOD! Then I went again this past weekend, and had the WORST fucking Whopper I’d ever tasted. What’s up with that?

2) Ex-Mercury newsy guy Scott Moore had an impromptu cocktail party the other night, and he served two things of note: 1) Old Grand Dad Bourbon, which I adore, and 2) Burger King brand potato chips. “I didn’t know Burger King sold chips,” you say. “THEY DON’T—at least not at the restaurant,” I reply. Scott bought these at the Plaid Pantry. They come in “Flame Broiled” flavor and “Ketchup and Fries” flavor. Both were initially disgusting until my third Grand Dad. Then? They were fucking delicious! What’s up with that?

3) I think Burger King may be getting funny. Check out this pretty hilarious commercial which describes their new Cheesy Tots, and how they give your tongue a boner. What’s up with that?