Live from deep within the Rose Garden as the Portland Trail Blazers take on the Los Angeles Lakers.

Normally I blog from the plush media row (Josh McRoberts rubs my back every third quarter), but since Sir Kobe Bryant is in the house, I am pushed deep into the rafters. But don’t get me wrong, I’m very grateful for my credentials and locker room access (Vladimir Radmanovic smells like cinnamon!), especially since most NBA franchises are probably less generous to scruffy live bloggers like myself. Thanks Paul Allen!

Pre-Game:
We are in the home stretch. Five games remain in the season, and it's looking doubtful that the Blazers are going to finish above .500. Especially since the Vanilla Gorilla is out with a broken paw, suffered while battling Tim "Droopy Dog" Duncan and the San Antonio Spurs on Sunday.

Meanwhile, the Lakers are a bunch of jerks one of the premiere teams in the league and ready to let loose in the playoffs.

First Quarter:
9:35 - Channing Frye, in a rare start, with a quick put-back basket on the James Jones miss, plus he should get an extra point for smacking Pau Gasol in the face on the Lakers fast-break. 6-5 Portland.

6:52 - Look who doesn't want to get traded. Channing Frye, again, this time with a dunk. He has 8, to lead all scorers. Also, during a timeout, LaMarcus Aldridge was forced to change jerseys (I'm assuming it either tore, or had blood on it), but as he stripped off the top, he got a fair amount of cat calls from the crowd. 13-12 Blazers.

3:06 - Brandon Roy darts past that Kobe fellow and lays it in. I have the feeling that these two will be going at for years to come. Oh, and Kobe is a jerk. 23-19 Blazers.

0:16 - Who is better? Raef LaFrentz with two hands or Joel Przybilla with one? I guess the answers is The Raefist, since he is in the game. It's always nice to have one slow token white dude dragging down the tempo. Where Chris Mihm at? 28-24 PDX.

Second Quarter:
10:15 - James Jones for three! But that long haired hippie Sasha Vujacic answers back with a three of his own, before firing up his art car and heading to Burning Man. 32-20 Blazers.

8:18 - Even when he scores, as he just did with a three pointer, Jarrett Jack gives me a heart attack. But just as I typed that, he reverts back to Dr. Turnover and coughs up another pass. 35-34 PDX.

6:12 - Following some Kobe hysterics (shot, foul, tempter tantrum), James Jones answers with a quick layup. Even if it's garbage time for the season, the Blazers always seem to bring it against the Lakers. 41-38 Portland.

4:13 - I just spotted a guy wearing a Lakers jersey and a Yankees hat. That man is like the Hitler of sports fans. 43-40 Blazers.

3:24 - Captain Turnover (where's Tennille?) with an impressive layup and the Blazers push the lead to 7. TRADE HIM NOW! His value will never be any higher. 47-40 Blazers.

1:36 - James Jones for three! Double digit lead time. 52-42 PDX.

0:06 - Wow. Kobe vs. Roy, one-on-one, and the kid stutter-stepped and left Bryant in his wake. That might be Roy's highlight of the year. For a shorthanded team with no playoff prayer, the Blazers are looking pretty grand right now. 58-47 Blazers.

Third Quarter:
9:42 - Zen master Phil Jackon gets a technical foul. I assume it's for his views on Tibet, yoga, and the anger one must feel after babysitting Kobe Bryant over all these years. 61-53 Blazers.

8:06 - What the hell? Channing Frye for three? The world is a strange, yet wonderful, place. 66-57 Portland.

6:21 - Where has this Channing Frye been all season long? He hits another basket, gets fouled, hits the free throw, and now has 17 points and 9 rebounds on the night. Damn. 72-59 Portland.

4:48 - If the Blazers have a rival in the NBA, it's the Lakers. Of course, I doubt the Lakers even realize this (they're too occupied with Phoenix, Dallas, Golden State, Boston, etc), but every time these two teams go head to head, it's pretty intense. Right now Portland is piling it on, Steve Blake just knocked home a wide open three and the lead is the largest it has been all night, 77-61 Portland.

3:29 - Aldrdige just swatted the ball into the stands. Deep into the stands. I think it hit the rafters and knocked the prize blimp out of the sky. OH THE HUMANITY! 77-66 Blazers.

1:37 - What has gotten into Frye? Why didn't the Vanilla Gorilla hurt his hands earlier in the year? Another three from Frye and it's 82-71 Blazers.

0:30 - (ALMOST) FIGHT! Fucking finally. Lamar Odom brutally fouls a driving Brandon Roy. Really bad. Roy hits the ground hard and stays there. Travis Outlaw, the beanpole, goes after Odom, pushes him hard and the refs get involved. Double technicals for Outlaw and Odom, plus the flagrant on Odom as well. Roy is helped off the court, but comes back on, just as a fuck you to Lakers fans everywhere. They might have the playoffs and rafter full of championship banners, but the Lakers are going to lose this damn game tonight. 87-71 Portland.

Fourth Quarter:
9:36 - Kobe goes flop. The whistle gets blown. Not a rape whistle, of course. Why would that be the case? 91-78 Blazers.

8:50 - Jarret Jack, turnover. Those words just seem to go together so well. 91-80 Portland.

7:03 - Jack was just pulled from the game, yet while sitting on the bench he turned over the ball four times and missed an easy layup. In other, um, news, Greg Oden is on the court!!! No, he isn't playing. He's just helping Blaze shoot out little toy basketballs to the crowd. When it comes to meaningless air gun related stunts, his knee is looking pretty good. 95-85 Portland.

5:38 - Steve Blake for a three in the corner and the lead is now 13. This is terrible news to the diehard Lakers fan next to me. He is dressed in all yellow, head to toe, and looks like a douchebag in a banana costume. Meanwhile, the "Kobe sucks" chants have begun. 100-87 Portland.

2:54 - It's over. All that is left is some fouls and us heckling the fan in the Lakers outfit. He has a flat top, I want to try and rest my drink on his head. 102-93 Blazers.

0:54 - The Lakers (somehow) come storming back, getting within three points. OH CRAP! But cooler heads prevail, as Brandon Roy calmly hits a layup, gets fouled, and knocks down the free throw. He's a likable Kobe. 107-101 Portland.

0:20 - Jarret Jack manages to grip the ball without it flying into the hands of the Lakers. Amazing! Someone buy that man a candy bar! 109-103 Blazers.

0:00 - L.A., beaten. What a great game for Portland. And for the Lakers, well, you just lost to a barely .500 inexperienced team that is missing two of its starters and has a number one draft pick who spent the game shooting tiny toy balls into the crowd alongside a mascot.

That must be a great feeling, really.

Final score, Portland 112, Los Angeles 103.