Blogtown, PDX

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Election 2008 Confidential to the Candidates: Here’s What You Can Do

Posted by Amy J. Ruiz on Tue, Apr 29 at 12:55 PM

Our endorsements are out this Thursday, and I’ve had no shortage of awkward conversations with candidates and “their people” over the past few days, from managers eager to know if a request for a head shot means they got the nod (it does not—it means you need to put a decent photo up on your website so I don’t have to call you), to others wondering if they should hold off on a mailer until they see who we’ve endorsed. I keep my lips zipped.

But today, I got a new question. City council candidate Jim Middaugh called, asking if there was anything he could do or any additional info he could provide as we’re making our final decisions.

Is there anything he can do? Absolutely, say my colleagues here in editorial—where, thanks to our own lacking sense of self worth, we treat our interns like royalty. Also, we do not employ a maid.

• Clean out our fridge, which currently contains a moldy pork log, spoiled milk, and crusty bottles of condiments.
• Take our copyediting test, and if you pass, proofread the Up & Comings section (it’s long)
• Sort the pile of paper on the printer, and hand deliver it to the person who hit print in the first place
• Alison would like someone to alphabetize her bookshelf
• Erik, who has a drawer full of tea bags, would like an actual cup of hot tea made for him
• Wm. Steven Humphrey points out that there are used paper towels on the bathroom floor that need to be picked up
• It’s raining. You could walk Ezra’s pug.
• Cupcakes.
• Answer the angry letters we keep receiving about Ann Romano’s Thomas Beatie comments.
• The microwave hasn’t been cleaned in about a year.

(Full disclosure to all eager candidates: The endorsements have already been written. Though technically speaking, I suppose they could be re-written between now and this evening, when we go to press. I’m more inclined to make our decisions based on policy and leadership, but if you do my dishes, I might reconsider.)

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Comments

I really like the idea of Kyle Burris showing up with cupcakes.

Posted by Aaron | April 29, 2008 1:34 PM

More pug pictures! In fact, you should make pug pictures a regular feature.

Posted by Ed | April 29, 2008 3:48 PM

I'm over at KBOO right now. They've got a bunch of donuts sitting around. Would that count?

Posted by Kyle Burris | April 29, 2008 3:56 PM

Maybe this isn't the forum for this, but I'm sick of hearing about all the whining over Ann Romano's column about -- a woman who wants to be a man and is living as such in most ways, HOWEVER, still has all of HER plumbing therefore allowing HER/HIM to give birth. Men don't have a uterus, nor do they have ovaries, nor are they able to conceive a child, bring it to term, then birth it. I don't give a shit how much that dude wants to be a man, HE/SHE is a man on the surface only. Just because you say it so, and want it to be so, don't make it so. But please, by all means, live as you choose. Just don't tell me men can give birth. The whole thing insults the intelligence.

So leave Ann Romano alone. And you're all a bunch of fucking saps for bending over so far with the appologies. Jeezus fucking Christ. And I always thought I was pretty liberal and politically correct, but this is exactly the kind of bullshit that makes us look like idiots.

Posted by get over yourself | April 29, 2008 4:05 PM

Here is something you can do, kiss-asses:

commit to implementing rent-controls within the limits of the city of Portland.

Posted by Toilet Joe | April 29, 2008 4:25 PM

I commit to implementing rent-controls within the limits of the city of Portland.

Posted by Kyle Burris | April 29, 2008 4:28 PM

Cool, that was easy.

Posted by Toilet Joe | April 29, 2008 4:44 PM

get over yourself - you are right. this isn't the right forum. go bitch somewhere else.

Posted by you are right | April 29, 2008 6:42 PM

Hilarious post.

Yet another example of why the Mercury has become funnier and smarter and better on news and non-news than that other free weekly that has become sadly addicted to its one trick of "gotcha" cynicism no matter how relevant or accurate. WWeek doesn't have a writer clever enough to write something this whimsical and unpretentious.

Posted by Check | April 29, 2008 10:48 PM

The Nazi Burris' idea of rent control is to execute and cremate those who disagree with him. He even has that Hitler-esque swath of hair over his forehead.

Do any new bomb threats lately, you fascist bastard?

Posted by anon | April 30, 2008 9:16 AM