Because Monday is the funnest day of the week. Yes! Yes! Yes!

1.CELLAR!!! Austrian keeps his daughter there for 24 years, fathers seven incestuous kids. Forget what I said about fun on Mondays.

2.CHINA TRAIN CRASH!!! Kills 70, injures hundreds. Blue Monday indeed.

3.BREAST WHISPERER!!! “It beats horsing about in the countryside with Kristin Scott Thomas,” says Robert Redford. Fun Monday! Fun Monday!

4.MILEY CYRUS!!! Apologizes for flashing her back in a Vanity Fair photo shoot. Disney is furious, because apparently associating a 15-year-old girl with any kind of sexuality is bound to hit its merchandise sales. Right… and the Little Mermaid isn’t sexualized at all. Hypocrisy: No Fun.

CYRUS: “If there’s grass on the pict-ure…”

5.147!!! Snooker player Ronnie O’Sullivan hits the maximum break in the Sheffield world championship. Pulls scary face. Mondays are scary. That’s the final verdict.

Good day.