Blogtown, PDX

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Books “Let Them Touch Those Things for Once!”

Posted by Ned Lannamann on Thu, Apr 24 at 4:31 PM

Oh, it’s on. In response to this:

Here’s a video of Celine Dion being interviewed on “Larry King Live” right after Hurricane Katrina in 2005. If you haven’t seen this before, I recommend watching the entire thing. It’s pretty incredible:

Wow. Just wow.

Now, if Celine only stuck to angry, tearful interviews, I would certainly be a fan. No question. But towards the end of this interview, she sings a song to soothe the troubled people (and look how nice she gets when Larry asks her to sing!)—and good god, what an awful, facile, predictable, artless piece of shit it is.

My point is this: Celine Dion makes crappy music. Everything else about her is a weird delight (even if it makes one borderline uncomfortable). But if we’re taking the music on its own merits, it’s schmaltz: rendered chicken fat, which I do not have a taste for.

Yes, Celine’s enthusiastic. But that’s not enough. I saw French electro-popper Yelle’s enthusiastic, joyous performance last night, and she was clearly having more fun than anyone else in the room. And she was terrific. She was truly great! She was so good that everyone in the room wanted to BE Yelle, singing in French and jumping to robotic disco beats.

Probably nobody watching that video Steve posted of “Proud Mary” wanted to be Celine. So what’s the difference between Yelle and Celine? Yelle makes good music. As a result, people who watch Yelle want to be Yelle. It’s that simple. (And Steve, if you really want justification in your love for Celine, I have a book you can read.)

Permalink

Comments

Cheez whiz!

Posted by Courtney Ferguson | April 24, 2008 4:51 PM

This is a flagrant abuse of the Books category. Can we get a "Ned and Steve's Bitch Fight" tab?

Posted by Alison Hallett | April 24, 2008 5:03 PM

Hey! Leave schmaltz out of it! Scmaltz gives chicken soup it's delicious flavor and healing power. Maybe you should use some sort of French-Canadian food to describe Celine, like poutine.

Posted by Hymie Jerkowitz | April 24, 2008 6:17 PM

No, it would be gorton.

And leave poor Celine alone. Her music may be crappy, but she has a lot more talent than "Yelle"--but then any halfway decent lookin' chick singing in french and appealing to indie rock lovin' idiots is bound to be lionized. Let's see what she's doing in 10 years.

Posted by jake | April 24, 2008 8:54 PM

I like her perspective on helicopsters.

Celine's no different from Whitney Houston, Linda Ronstadt or a trust-fund brat with a Stradivari fiddle -- great instrument, but not much music coming out of it. The distinction is subjective, but it's really not that difficult to sort out talent from a badly misplaced gift. Enthusiasm plus a great instrument can equal a migraine if there's no talent to make the instrument sing.

Posted by Guffman | April 25, 2008 3:03 AM

ALL HAIL THE MIGHTY NED, CZAR OF ALL MUSIC! Thanks for helping us no-nothings sort out the difference between "good" and "bad," Ned. We hereby relinquish any opinions we may have.
(Actually, Ned has pretty good taste in music — his occasional snobbery not withstanding. Check out his weekly podcast "Your Radio Sucks" for lots of good stuff!)

http://podcasts.portlandmercury.com/2008/04/your_radio_sucks_episode_18.php

Posted by Wm. Steven Humphrey | April 25, 2008 8:45 AM

New Orleans is a mostly "French" city. What the fuck does that mean? Larry King is a senile dipshit.

Posted by G | April 25, 2008 4:35 PM

Is there a mosquito in front of her face or is it a tiny "helicopster"?

Posted by G | April 25, 2008 4:36 PM

they don't pay you people nearly enough.

Posted by Van Hammersly | April 28, 2008 7:46 AM

Installations: The Mercury's 4th Annual Fashion Show

Our Friends

Our Enemies

Portland Mercury

Columns

Letters
- In which we let the readers make snarky commentary.
My, What A Busy Week!
- A week's worth of summer.
New Column!
- C'mon down to Mentally Incompetent Three-Fingered Larry's Fireworks!
One Day at a Time
- Welcome to Celebrity Bloodbath Week™. Please fasten your seatbelt.
- by Ann Romano
I Love Television
- America: Why I Love Her (More!)
- by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey
Savage Love
- Three's Company
- by Dan Savage
I, Anonymous
- Just playing.
- by Anonymous
Sold Out
- Two stores on NW 23rd, two ways to think about shopping.
- by Marjorie Skinner

Visual Art

RACC's Grant Process

An explanation of the RACC's grant process
- by Matt Stangel
- Jul 2, 2009
Visual Art Listings »

Books

A New Superhero

David Mazzucchelli's Asterios Polyp is philosophical, funny, and quite possibly brilliant.
- by Alison Hallett
- Jul 2, 2009
Self-Definition, Pop Salvation

Self-definition and coming of age in the novel Pop Salvation.
- by Jane Carlen
- Jul 2, 2009
Book Listings »

Theater

Same Old Song and Dance

Dirty Rotten Scoundrel's genuine charm is swaddled in one too many lengthy musical numbers.
- by Alison Hallett
- Jul 2, 2009
...in the Park

Exploring your outdoor theater options.
- by Alison Hallett
- Jun 25, 2009
Theater Listings »

News

Hitting the Wrong Notes

North Williams neighbors cringe as developers ring out the old and move in the new.
- by Sarah Mirk
- Jul 2, 2009

Price of Justice

County to settle its stake in the Chasse lawsuit for a record $925,000.
- by Matt Davis
- Jul 2, 2009
Finding $15 Million

City council faces a $15 million funding hole for Major League Soccer.
- by Matt Davis
- Jul 2, 2009
Hall Monitor

Amanda Fritz proposes a controversial pay freeze for some city employees.
- by Matt Davis
- Jul 2, 2009

Music

The Flower and the Machine

Experimental Dental Schools vs. the World
- by Ezra Ace Caraeff
- Jul 2, 2009

From Dawn 'Til Dusk

Portland band At Dusk reaches its twilight.
- by Ned Lannamann
- Jul 2, 2009
Northwest Passage

Dirty Projectors' love letter to Portland.
- by Andrew R Tonry
- Jul 2, 2009
Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough

Growing up with Michael Jackson (who never grew up).
- by Dave Segal
- Jul 2, 2009

Find Music Listings

Film

Armed and Dangerous

Public Enemies: Johnny Depp's got a tommy gun!
- by Erik Henriksen
- Jul 2, 2009

Going with Whatever Works

Woody Allen's latest is called Whatever Works. Yep, that pretty much sums it up.
- by Ned Lannamann
- Jul 2, 2009
Extraterrestrial Homesick Blues

The Mercury talks with director Duncan Jones about his great new science-fiction film Moon.
- by Erik Henriksen
- Jul 2, 2009
Death Becomes Him

The Academy Award-winning Departures is good, but not that good.
- by Marjorie Skinner
- Jul 2, 2009

Find Movie Times & Reviews

Food and Drink

Service!

One day, 24 hours: The Mercury takes a look at the people behind your meal.
- by Patrick Alan Coleman
- Jul 2, 2009

Food News

A tasty new storytelling event and the end of an Alberta Street dining pioneer.
- by Patrick Alan Coleman
- Jun 25, 2009

Find Restaurants »

It's Happening Tonight

Fri 3 Jul 2009

in FILM

Team Amercia

Team America: World Police-the perfect film to celebrate Fourth of July. MORE…
in MUSIC

Gaytriotic

If you were born in the US of GAY, flaunt your right to party. MORE…

Happening This Week »

Event Calendar

Most Popular	I, Anonymous	Best of the Merc
Now We're Cooking... with Pot! There's really no better way to get through a holiday than flying high on baked goods by Katie Shimer Nov 13, 2008 Service! One day, 24 hours: The Mercury takes a look at the people behind your meal. by Patrick Alan Coleman Jul 2, 2009 A Beautiful Place To Drown Oregon's Most Dangerous Swimming Holes by Erin Ergenbright Jul 15, 2004 I, Anonymous Just playing. by Anonymous Jul 2, 2009 I, Anonymous Passive Driving by Anonymous Jun 25, 2009 I, Anonymous Highly Qualified by Anonymous Jun 18, 2009 more I, Anonymous » SPIDER-MAN: MENACE TO SOCIETY Editorial Comment from the Daily Bugle's Publisher by J. Jonah Jameson May 2, 2002 Butter Hogs XXVI! These People Hog So Much Butter, It's Like They're Hogs! by Jeremiah Plimpkin Sep 20, 2007 I Hunt the Giant Man-Ape Another Thrilling True-Life Adventure Starring Erik Henriksen, Sasquatch Slayer Sep 11, 2003 more Best of the Merc »

Most Emailed Stories

Now We're Cooking... with Pot!

There's really no better way to get through a holiday than flying high on baked goods
- by Katie Shimer
- Nov 13, 2008
Mad Medicine

Portland Hearing Voices celebrates mental diversity.
- by Marjorie Skinner
- Jun 25, 2009
More»

Top Commenters

Mercury Newsletter

Get the best of the Mercury each week in your inbox!

Face Painter- Hand Painted Tattoos
I am looking for face painting gigs for children's and adult events/parties.I use high quality, vegan stage make-up. Super efficient and friendly. (15+ paintings in 1 hour)