I love it when we find examples of human behavior in the animal world. Here’s the dramatic opening from a particularly shocking AP article:

Marine biologists studying wild octopuses have found a kinky and violent society of jealous murders, gender subterfuge and once-in-a-lifetime sex.

Wow, sounds like a night at the Greek Cuisina

Hey, wait a minute…

The researchers go on to describe octopus hook-ups:

Picky, macho males carefully select a mate, then guard their newly domesticated digs so jealously that they would occasionally use their 8- to 10-inch tentacles to strangle a romantic rival to death.

Are they sure they weren’t at the Greek Cuisina? Maybe just got confused by the giant purple octopus?

The researchers also observed smaller “sneaker” male octopuses put on feminine airs, such as swimming girlishly near the bottom and keeping their male brown stripes hidden in order to win unsuspecting conquests.

Ahhh, the old “sneaker” male. Right, “Oh I’m too drunk to get home, maybe I should just sleep here… Oh, no, it’s all right if we share you’re bed. I’m gay, it’s not like I’m gonna do anything…”
The next thing you know, you’re woken up by wandering tentacles.

Octopus sex: truly fascinating. But with the possibility of the Cuisina losing its liquor license, I wonder, where else will they be able to mate? Great, another species is losing its habitat. Thanks OLCC!