Some friends bring me snowglobes. Others, nudie pens. But I doubt that any friend will ever top the absolutely incredible/horrifying gift my friend Mike just brought back from Laos.

Dearest readers, let me introduce you to my bottle of “Snake With Scorpion In Its Mouth” wine.

Yes, it’s a real cobra. In a bottle. Battling a real scorpion. In a bottle.

And now this bottle proudly rests upon my desk at home (since I wouldn’t dare leave alcohol unattended—even if it has a deadly snake in it—at Mercury HQ), mocking our house cat with its contents, and tempting me to crack it open for just a quick sip.

But, frankly, I’m afraid. What if they aren’t really dead, and instead are just in some sort of boozy suspended animation (like a drunken Han Solo trapped in carbonite), waiting to spring back to life and bite me in the eye? Plus, what kind of “wine” has 50% alcohol content?

So the real question here is, which will blind me first? The cobra, the scorpion, or the alcohol?